


Roll With It

by FormidablePassion



Series: Writing Prompt Wednesday [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bottom Castiel, Edging, M/M, Masturbation, Mildly Dubious Consent, Oral Sex, POV Castiel, POV Dean Winchester, Physical Disability, Rimming, Top Dean, Writing Prompt Wednesday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-19 12:11:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 51,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5967016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FormidablePassion/pseuds/FormidablePassion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester is getting a new neighbor, he assumes he is getting an elderly wheelchair bound neighbor. He is sorely mistaken when his new neighbor is no where near elderly. In fact Castiel Novak turns his world on its side from the moment he says hello. </p><p>Castiel had been stuck in a wheelchair for years now after a horrific accident caused by his ex. But his physical disability isn't the only scars that were left. Castiel has a hard time trying to navigate his new relationship so that he won't sabotage it like he has every other relationship since.</p><p>Dean isn't one to give up as easy as Cas seems to be. Castiel has opened his world back up and allowed Dean to feel about him in ways he hasn't allowed himself to feel about another man in over a decade. He sure isn't giving that up without a fight. Not when he is pretty sure that he wants to spend the rest of his life with Castiel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I plan on adding more tags as I go along. If you think there are others I should add that aren't there, feel free to let me know.
> 
> This is a story I've written for Writing Prompt Wednesday (WPW) 
> 
> What is Writing Prompt Wednesday?
> 
> I stole this description from Unforth because you know, she is where I get the prompts from anyway.
> 
> Writing Prompt Wednesday is a feature Unforth runs on her Tumblr. Followers, readers and friends suggest themes for AUs, and she comes up with a list of prompts based on the suggested theme. Then, based on those prompts, anyone who wants to join in writes up a short story (or a long story, I guess) and posts it to Tumblr (or AO3, or FF.net, or wherever) and tags it Writing Prompt Wednesday!  
> Last week's theme, for which this story was written, was Differently Abled AUs.
> 
> This week, I chose this prompt:  
>  _First the “for sale” sign came down, then some workers came and installed a wheel chair ramp, so I assumed my new neighbor was going to be some, like, a senior citizen or something, and instead here you are and you’re nothing like that and I feel like a royal asshole for assuming that only elderly people used wheel chair ramps._

Dean looked over at the house next door and noticed that the For Sale sign had a big red SOLD sticker across it. He groaned internally as he remembered his old neighbors. They weren't terrible. Not by a long shot. The kids were cute most of the time. The parents on the other hand were the ones that annoyed him. Even the dog they had was not too much of a bother as long as it stayed in their back yard. They had moved out almost a year ago informing him that the 3 bed room wasn't going to cut it anymore since they were having a third child. Like he had actually asked.

He had wondered why the house hadn't been purchased sooner, it was in a great neighborhood with no crime, an amazing school district, and located perfectly between the busy downtown area as well as the main business section of the city. 

After retrieving his mail he walked in the house wondering who his new neighbors were going to be. No doubt a budding family again. This area was perfect for that. The size of the backyards in this area alone was enough to draw the parents in. He just hoped that they would be as easy to handle as his old neighbors. As long as their kids didn't bother him too much he would be okay with it. Not that he wasn't a family guy. He practically raised his little brother Sammy all on his own. He was great with kids. He just knew first hand that they could get their Frisbee stuck on his roof one too many times for his liking while he was trying to relax on one of his rare Saturdays off. 

It didn't matter he supposed. Can't choose your neighbors. 

The next day the sun was almost hidden below the horizon, leaving beautiful hues of gold, red, pinks, purples, and blue that was fast fading into black in the east. He smiled, he enjoyed sitting on his porch watching the sunsets when he was home in time to do so. Pulling into his driveway he looked over to the truck in the neighboring driveway and saw the ramp they seemed to be finishing up with on the porch there. He smiled to himself as he gathered his mail. It seems like he might actually be able to continue enjoying some peace and quiet on his days off if it was an elderly person or persons moving in next door. 

Hopefully not one of those crazy cat ladies though. He was allergic and wasn't excited about the idea of finding paw prints on his beautiful Impala. He might have to clean out the garage before winter comes to keep it in there if that is the case. 

He started to go through a mental checklist of things that needed to be done in the garage and how quickly he could make room for his baby before she was violated by unwanted cats. Maybe he would be able to request a Friday off to be able to take a three day weekend to get that, along with some other things, done around the house that he had been putting off for some time now. Maybe he would do that anyway, he can't remember the last time he actually made use of any type of vacation time let alone let himself have a whole weekend off. 

As the night wore on he sat watching the news with a cold beer in his hand and became more convinced that was the best thing to do. Even if he didn't need to clean the garage out to protect baby from furry paws marring her beauty, he could spend a Friday tackling his to-do list and maybe invite Sammy over for a BBQ Saturday. It had been forever since he had seen his brother and his girlfriend. It was late, he would call his brother tomorrow. 

He went to bed excited at the prospect of spending time with Sam. 

The next night when Dean returned home from work there was no activity or movement at the house next to his. He wondered how long before his new neighbor moved in. After dinner he sat outside on his porch enjoying the pleasant weather of spring. Pulling his phone out he found Sam in his contacts, knowing that he should be home himself by now, calling him. He answered on the third ring. 

“Hiya Sammy!” 

“Dean? You seem a bit chipper, what's up?” 

“Oh you know, just enjoying the night. Hey, you free Saturday?”

“Saturday?” Dean heard shuffling of papers and the line was quiet for a moment as it seemed that Sam had been distracted by his work. 

“Sam? Saturday?” Dean prompted him again.

“Oh right, sorry, I've got this big case next week I was planning on spending my weekend preparing for it. I have to meet some clients all the rest of the week and there are two that can only meet me Saturday. So this weekend is out. Why? What do you have planned?” 

He knew that it was a chance he could be turned down since his brother was a big shot lawyer at some prestigious firm downtown now, he worked too hard in Dean's opinion, for the ass that ran the place. 

“Well Sammy, I was thinking about taking a weekend and maybe having you and Jess over for a BBQ. It's been a while since we have seen one another for more than a quick coffee at the cafe. You both happen to be free next Saturday then?” He was hopeful. He knew that his brother liked to make sure to put time aside to hang out, they were the only family they had, Sam said it was important. 

“I'll ask Jess, she is at the office right now, but as soon as I know I will text you.” Dean's lips turned up into a grin he was sure that was going to be conveyed over the phone. 

“Great. I'll provide the real food, Sammy. If you want any of that health food crap, or salads, you have to bring it. And if you show up at my place with another one of those tofu burger things you better have it cooked already, I'm not sticking it on my grill!” He heard his brother chuckle on the other end. 

“Alright, Dean. I'll get back to you later tonight.” 

“Later, Bitch.” 

“Later, Jerk.” 

He was still grinning when he hung up the phone. Leaning back in his chair and just enjoying the night.  
He didn't end up hearing back from his brother before he went to bed. He knew he wouldn't, Sammy was busy, he'd send him a text tomorrow to meet him for coffee downtown, if he could be pulled away to get his own coffee, that is. Sometimes Dean felt like he saw more of his assistant, Kevin, at the cafe anymore. 

The next day Dean walked down to meet Sam at the cafe. He found his brother, early as usual, sitting at one of the outside tables with two to-go cups of coffee. 

“Sammy!” As he greeted him, his brother stood up and gave him a one armed hug as he was handed a cup of black coffee. He was sure his brothers was one of those fancy drinks that took forever to order because it had to be no fat this and soy milk that or whatever. It was one of his brothers only “indulgences” so he tried not to give him too much shit about it. 

“Hey Dean! Sorry I never got back to you last night. I was nearly asleep on my client files before Jess even walked in the door. She was working late with the district attorney. I talked to her this morning though.”

“And? You two gonna be able to join me next weekend for some BBQ and beer? I'll even get the imported beer you are so fond of.” His grin spread across his face as he waited for his brothers response before sipping his drink. 

“Yeah, after this case I could use a little down time. I think Jess is hopeful that she will be finishing up her case soon too. They don't think the defendant has any grounds for an appeal so I know she would like to relax too.” 

He nodded. “That's wonderful. I will call Ellen and Bobby and see if they might be bothered to make it down too. Probably not, they have thrown themselves into work since Jo went off to college.” 

“Yeah, but it is worth a shot at inviting them at least.” He offered “What is with the impromptu family gathering?” His brother raised an eyebrow over his coffee in suspicion. 

“Oh a guy needs a reason to want to see his family?” laughter sparkled in his eyes as he teased his brother. “Actually, I just, thought it would be nice. Besides I could use a Saturday away from the office.”

“I understand that. Jess and I find ourselves working on Saturdays more often than not and we could use one without work.” He checked his watch and furrowed his brows. 

“Let me guess, you have to go?” Dean held back a sigh

“Yeah, sorry. Told Kevin I wouldn't be gone long. I've been here waiting for you though. He is probably worried I got into an accident or something. That kid is such a worry wort.” He chuckled

“This is why we need a family get together. We never seem to find time for family anymore. See you next Saturday.” Dean laughed at his brother and clapped him on the shoulder as they stood. 

“I'll catch you later Dean.” Sam waved and power walked back towards his office. 

That night Dean noticed the house next door was quiet and dark again. He was curious when his new neighbor was actually going to move in. Not wanting to dwell on it too much he let the thoughts drift away and retired early. Tomorrow was Saturday and he was planning on going into the office to finish up on a project he was working on. He didn't want to spend all day there so he was going to go in early.

Dean found himself sitting at his desk before 8 on Saturday morning. He was not a morning person but his job kinda made him that way anyway. By the time lunch rolled around he had wrapped up on his project and started on another he had planned on starting when he came back Monday. He figured since he was here, he might as well get a head start. So he decided to call it a day since he was already ahead of himself. Powering down his computer he packed up his bag and strolled out of the building, nodding to the security guard on the way out. 

Getting back home after lunch he noticed a moving truck outside the neighbors house and several workers from the moving company bringing stuff in. He didn't allow his curiosity to get the better of him though, he stayed home and relaxed a bit on a lawn chair out back while listening to the music form his old record player drift through the back screen and lull him to sleep.  
He woke from his nap shortly after the sun had set and the wind became a bit chilly. It wasn't close enough to summer yet to stay warm at night. He looked at his watch and decided that he should just head to bed. So he did just that. 

Several days had passed since the moving truck had unloaded next door and Dean still hadn't seen anyone actually occupying the house next to his. He was so busy at work he hadn't really put much thought into it, maybe they were there and just didn't go outside. He figured old people were always up before the sun and asleep before it set. So maybe that is why he didn't see the new home owners. 

Thursday night had found him staying late at work trying to get as much done as he could since he was not coming back until Monday. Had he stayed later Saturday he would have more done. 

He shook his head and continued working well into the night. He barely hit the pillow before he was asleep that night. He was so tired he hadn't even noticed that there was a light on in the house next to his. 

*

Castiel rolled into his kitchen and began making coffee. Deciding on eggs on toast and oatmeal he began working to make his breakfast. He had to wait a little longer to get into the house because of the contractors that took longer when there were complications delivering the new stove. 

He grabbed the remote off the counter and turned on some low music as he cooked his breakfast. He smiled around his new house. He was happy with it. He knew that his brother had picked well for him. It was a quiet neighborhood. Perfect location. So Gabriel said. He suspected that his brother just wanted somewhere closer to work to crash on his nights out. As evident by the spare bedroom being fully furnished already and seemed to have a few of Gabriel's things in the dresser. 

Finally satisfied with the consistency of his oatmeal he browsed his tablet for the news while he ate. He thought that he might bring some of the house plants out on the front porch today. When Gabe came over tomorrow he was going to have him put some of the hanging planters up outside along with the beautiful rainbow colored wind chimes, a house warming gift from Charlie, that already adorned the porch. 

He went into his study to get some work done. He knew that he had taken some well deserved vacation time in preparation for the move but he was all moved in now, he had a free minute and wanted to get some work in so he felt more grounded in this new place. Maybe only for a few hours. Then he would bring the plants outside. 

Stretching himself in his chair, the sound of vertebrae popping from his lower back up to his neck was nothing new. It happened since he had to be in this damn chair. He had come to terms with it a long time ago,the popping, not so much. For some reason it still irritated him. He didn't pop like that before. As usual he didn't let his thoughts linger on it too much. He went about his task of gathering two of his potted plants at a time and heading towards the door. Once outside he set them out on the porch where they would get the best light. It was getting closer to noon now and the plants would benefit from the light greatly. 

As he turned to go back in to gather the last of the plants he had he caught sight of his neighbor outside. He hadn't noticed him so he watched the man for a while longer enjoying the view. The man had a short hair cut, dark blonde, but in this light he imagined he could see his natural high lights if he was close enough. After a slow appraisal of the rest of his neighbor he suddenly wanted to be closer. Much closer. He couldn't help the breath catch as his eyes slowly roamed over the mans body. He was in a tight fitting dark tank while he scrubbed the beautiful car that was sitting in the driveway. Just as Castiel's eyes went lower the man, oh god help him, bent over to rinse the car sponge in his soapy water bucket. His ass couldn't be more perfect. The way the jeans clung to him _just so_ was mesmerizing. He wondered if the front of his thighs looked as delicious as the back. 

He felt a tightening in his groin as his cock twitched watching this man as he washed his car. He decided it wouldn't be very neighborly to not introduce himself to his new neighbor. Yeah, he would definitely have to do that. He watched the mans toned arms a little longer before rolling down the new ramp and towards the side walk. His neighbor hadn't noticed his arrival so he watched him a little longer from the end of his drive way as he the man bent over the trunk making heat rise inside him as he tried to control his body's response while his ass was pointed directly at him. 

“You missed a spot.” His voice sounded deeper than usual. It was probably from going all day from not talking. Yeah, that is what it was. 

The blond man jumped a little and spun around with an impressive speed flinging water on Castiel making him flinch back a little at the abrupt cold, soapy water. He probably could use a little more cold water after watching this man. It took him a moment to look a little lower at him and an apologetic look crossed his face when he saw the wet spots left on him. 

“I am so sorry, man! I did not mean to get you wet. You just startled me.” His voice was deep and sent shivers through his body. 

Castiel wiped a sizable amount of bubbles from his thigh and chuckled his response getting lost in his throat as he looked up into incredible green eyes framed by dark lashes. He closed his mouth and swallowed because his mouth suddenly seemed to dry. Clearing his throat he started again. 

“It is quite alright. My brother tells me I need to wear a bell. My apologies for startling you.” He smiled up at the man. He is so tall. Taller then he use to be before. Probably only by an inch or two. 

The man tossed the sponge back into the bucket and turned back to him. “I'm sorry, I should introduce myself, I'm Castiel Novak. I just moved in next door.” He held his hand out.

He let his eyes follow the mans hand as he dried his hand on the front of his thigh, which was definitely better than the back of his thigh, and held it out for Castiel to shake. 

“Dean. Winchester. So, you're my new neighbor?” his brows tightened and he let his hand slip back down after realizing that he had probably held Castiel's a little too long. 

“It is a pleasure to meet you, Dean. Yes I am your new neighbor. Not what you were expecting? Sometimes the wheelchair throws people off.” He tried for a small smile and waited to try to gauge Dean's reaction to his being in a wheelchair.

“Um..no. Not exactly what I was expecting.” Castiel's face fell a little but he tried to keep the smile. Dean must have noticed because he quickly went on. “Not the wheelchair, I noticed the workers putting the ramp in so I figured,” He motioned to the chair “I just assumed, ignorantly obviously, that my new neighbor was going to be...older.” He offered Castiel a smile that lit up his face and made his eyes wrinkle just slightly at the corners. He decided then and there he wanted to see more of that smile. 

He smiled back a little wider to Dean now. “Sorry to disappoint you, Dean.”

“Oh no, not a disappointment...” Dean's eyes slowly moved over his body taking him in before he realized that it was a joke. He grinned and met Castiel's eyes. “It was a terrible assumption on my part. Again I apologize.” 

“No need to apologize. It happens.” Those green eyes held his for a moment longer before Castiel looked to the car behind him and motioned to it, “I suppose I should let you get back to it. I just thought I would introduce myself. Saw you out here while I was bringing my plants out before lunch.”

Dean nodded as he looked over to the porch with the two plants sitting near the ramp. He looked back down to Castiel. “Yeah, can't let that soap dry on my baby.” he pointed back to the car and smiled. 

“It was nice to meet you, Cas.” Castiel raised his eyebrow at the nickname that usually only his best friend used for him. He decided he enjoyed hearing it in Dean's deep voice. Smoothly falling from those sinfully kissable lips. 

“The pleasure was all mine, I assure you.” 

With a chuckle Dean starts to turn back to the car “If you ever need anything, Cas, just come by.”  
Castiel watched Dean bend over and retrieve the sponge again before rolling back to his porch. Perhaps he would take his lunch there today. He belatedly thought to look over to Dean's porch and saw stairs. He wondered how exactly he was to “come by” if he was not able to get onto the porch. Maybe it was something he would ask Dean about the next time he caught him outside. Maybe it was his subtle way of telling him to leave him alone? But Dean didn't seem to give that vibe off. 

He went inside to bring the other plants out that he had forgotten in his moment of sudden desire to introduce himself to Dean. _Dean._ He set the other plants down and watched his neighbor spray his car free of the bubbles and soap, getting wet all down his front in the process. Castiel bit his bottom lip as Dean walked to the other side of the car allowing him a view of his already tight shit clinging to him damply. He was obviously in very good shape. He thought he saw a smirk on those perfectly delectable lips when he dropped his hose and looked over to Castiel staring at him. He walked up to a box set aside that Castiel hadn't noticed, turned his back to him and bent over. 

Cas groaned slightly and when Dean pulled out a towel and began bending over to dry the car off he couldn't do it. He turned tail and went directly back into the house. He didn't want Dean to think he was a creepy peeping tom, openly gawking at him. He also needed to get his body under control. It had been a while since his body had reacted so strongly to another in the way it just had. Not in such a vanilla setting anyway. He locked the thoughts away in the back of his mind of seeing Dean tied up on his bed, he didn't even need those thoughts the way his blood had rushed between his legs without them.

He tried to get his breathing under control as he rolled back towards the kitchen but with the throbbing between his legs he couldn't ignore he decided to take a detour back to his room. He shut the door and unbuttoned his pants and slide them down as much as possible before taking his already throbbing cock in hand. He closed his eyes and thought about the body outside drying his car of right now. He stroked slowly at first thinking about the way Dean's ass looked as he bent over, how he wished it was his own hands touching those amazingly toned thighs. Then he thought about that smirk he was sure he saw now. His neighbor hadn't seemed to get that wet before rinsing his car, how did he manage to get so wet right after talking to him. He pulled a little harder and faster as he tightened his grip around his thick member. 

He could see it in his head right now. The way that Dean bent over for him while he picked up a towel. Like he was giving him a show. He really had no need to turn his back to him before bending over for that towel. He did though. He started twisting his hand slightly every time it reached the swollen purple head of his cock. The skin sliding over it nicely as he imagined making those lips go from that smirk to swollen from sucking his cock. He shuddered at the thought, he knew he wasn't going to be able to last much longer. 

His hand moved faster gripping his cock he moaned out as he pictured those lips wrapped around it, his mouth wet and warm. Then he saw his eyes, oh god so green, looking into his as he took him all the way down. That tipped him over the edge. He felt the warm cords of white liquid fall over his hands and he knew that he probably ended up getting some on his pants too.

Sitting for a moment he let his heart calm along with his breathing before opening his eyes and lifting his head back up. Sure enough there was a little on his pants. Not enough to go through the pain of changing them. A wet rag would clean it up well enough. Besides, he didn't expect to have anyone around for the rest of the day anyway. He had a Skype appointment with Charlie later, but she was not going to see his pants. 

He rolled into his bathroom and cleaned himself up. He felt his face go red at the thought of what he just did. He couldn't believe that he had just pleasured himself at the thought of his new neighbor. He felt like a teenager again. This was like Mr. Johnson all over again. At least he had the restraint to wait until bed time when he was younger before touching himself to his dirty thoughts of his sexy older neighbor. He shook his head. He wasn't sure he would be able to look Dean in those beautiful green eyes again without turning red from embarrassment. 

He rolled back towards the kitchen and looked over at the living room, he wondered to himself why he locked himself away in his room to do that. This was his house, if he wanted to masturbate in the living room, or the kitchen for that matter, he could. It was probably a habit from living with Luci for so long. 

A few hours later he had finished his lunch and was relaxing in the living room reading and wondering what he wanted for dinner when there was a knock at the door. Wondering who it could be he made his way to the door only to look up into those very green eyes that he wasn't sure he could look into without turning completely red . He felt heat rise in his chest from his earlier activities, the star of his fantasy was standing tall on his porch right in front of him, he blinked and prayed the blush didn't creep up into his cheeks. 

“Dean, I was not expecting you. What brings you?” He looked behind him hoping to get a hold of himself. Dean just looked back to see what he was looking for. 

“Where you expecting someone?” He turned to look at Castiel quizzically. 

“No. So, what brings you to my door this evening?” Thankfully he had changed from his earlier clothes into something that didn't look _as tight_ on his body. Maybe he was actually a little disappointed. 

“Well, umm.. I was thinking, well actually, I was talking to my brother earlier and told him that I had met you.” He raised his brows to Dean, encouraging him to go on and explain why his conversation with his brother had brought him to be standing before him. “Well he suggested that I invite you over for our BBQ tomorrow. As a welcome to the neighborhood type thing.” He looked nervous Cas had noticed. His lips crept up slowly into a smile as Dean ran a hand behind his neck and kind of looked around as he waited. 

“If you don't want to, it is totally cool. Or can't because you have other plans...” He looked back down to Cas expectantly. 

“Dean, I would love to come by, however my brother will be here with me.” He was sure that was enough to keep him safe and away from this man's desirable body. At least until he could look at him again without turning red.

“He could come, too. The more the merrier.” He smiled brightly at him.

He worried his bottom lip for a moment before realizing “Dean, how would I get into your house, I notice there is no ramp on your porch.” Surely he wouldn't go through the trouble of inviting him over to have him roll through the back yard where he wouldn't even be able to enjoy time in the mans house. Would he? 

His green eyes were bright as his grin lit up his face. “Don't you worry, Cas. I got you. So, tomorrow around 3? We can have some beers and hang out while I grill then enjoy dinner.” 

He looked up at Dean and couldn't say no. “Sure, Dean. My brother and I will be there.” 

“Awesome. See you tomorrow, Cas. Have a great night.” He turned and Cas watched him walk down to the side walk and back across to his own house, looking over to him and smiling before disappearing inside. 

He couldn't help the smile he had on his face when he closed the door. He had an appointment with Charlie in an hour to Skype. He promised he would try to Skype with her at least 3 times a week since they no longer lived close enough to just drop by whenever. He tried to return to his book after Dean's visit but couldn't really see the words. Just shining green eyes. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.

An hour later he answered the call the was chiming out at him. “What took you so long, man? I know you got wheels so you're a little faster than the rest of us.” He chuckled at his oldest and dearest friend. 

“My apologies Charlie. I was...distracted.” 

“Oh yeah? What's his name?” Her smile showed her excitement. He just laughed at her. “Why does it have to be a guy, Charlie?” 

“Because, Cas, you never get distracted. If you were it must be something important or someone handsome.” She raised her eye brows at him in question and waited. He watched her right back. Knowing she would eventually win he sighed “Okay! I met my new neighbor today.”

The excited squeal that came from her made him pull away from the speakers on his computer.  
“What's his name? What does he look like? Is he sexy? Wait...is he _gay_?” He just smiled at her and was surprised that she didn't ask a million other things.  
“His name is Dean, he is sexy,” he sighed again “incredibly sexy. He has these green eyes that you could just get lost in.” 

“Looks like you found-” he cut her off with that.

“I don't know if he is gay, Charlie.” Her face fell a little. 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah. I do plan on finding out however.” Her smile returned. 

“Oh do you? How?” he could see the mischief twinkling in her eyes and he felt a pull deep in his chest, he already missed his best friend. Even if she was only two hours away. 

“He came over about an hour ago and invited me over to his place for a BBQ tomorrow.”

The excitement overtook her and their conversation. It went on that way for a while. He told her everything that was more PG rated and then finally they talked about his new place, how he liked it, how he missed being able to see her whenever they wanted, and how he was sure that she would like it if she ever felt the desire to move closer to him. After an hour and a half they signed off after he refused to get into an online RPG with her because he was tired.

He smiled as he readied himself for bed. He missed her dearly, she had to make plans to come visit soon. He was going to make sure she did when they spoke on Skype the next night.  
Crawling into bed he had a smile on his face that wouldn't go away. Not only did he get to talk to Charlie but he also met Dean and accepted his invite to a BBQ tomorrow. He drifted off to sleep with images of a hard body and beautiful green eyes above him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have added more characters and tags to this story. If I missed any, let me know.

He smiled when he closed the door and took a deep breath. Walking to the kitchen to make preparations on what he could for tomorrow's BBQ he couldn't shake the feeling that Cas, _Castiel_ , gave him. He doesn't even know the guy. Two short conversations with someone shouldn't leave you feeling like this. He wants to get to know him though.

Sure he was fully unprepared for him to be someone closer to his age than an old person that he thought was moving in. He was not even close to being prepared for his new neighbor to be that damn good looking. He was also not ready to see that his legs below his knees were not there. 

“I wonder if he was born that way, or if something happened.” He spoke out loud to himself. Trying to avoid the question that he knew was lingering in the back of his mind. One that he thought about earlier when he deliberately put on a show for his new neighbor when he felt those intense blue eyes on him.   
He grinned to himself. Sure he had to change out of his wet clothes, but he had planned on showering and changing after he was done with all his housework anyway. It just happened sooner. He wasn't sure that his neighbor was in the gay way or not, hopefully he would find out at the BBQ, but he still felt that if he was watching Dean, he wouldn't mind. 

He wasn't sure why he hadn't thought of extending an invitation to the man earlier. Why his brother had to suggest it. Of course he was caught off guard when they first met and was not exactly thinking of a BBQ when an incredibly handsome man with equally incredible blue eyes was staring at him like he was trying to figure out his very soul. Nope, was not prepared for those eyes or their intensity.

Sam had only suggested that Dean may want to get to know him, he knew his brother though. He was suggesting possibly _getting to know_ his new neighbor. Sam knew Dean rarely made time for a social life. Outside of Benny dragging him out occasionally, or having Benny over to watch the game on Sundays, he didn't do much. He enjoyed his life. Sure it could get lonely occasionally. But that happened. Since Lisa he didn't really feel like getting into another relationship. His wild one night stand days were behind him. Long gone. 

Since Lisa had ended things it had only been, what, like 3 years? Oh.

Dean didn't even realize that it had been that long. But it was even longer than that since he had been with a man. About 8 years. That was good times though. Balthazar was a complete delight, uninhibited, open, exciting, and so good in bed. Dean use to wonder if anything would have come of that weeks long fling had he stayed in Europe longer. He had come to terms with the fact that it wouldn't have. He eventually wanted to settle down, Bal never really wanted that. He was a wild one. An incredibly sexy, hard, and delicious wild one, who showed him so many things. He would be lying if he tried to deny that Bal, and the things they did, weren't regular stars in the fantasies he had to get off on those lonely nights. 

Dean smiled at the fond memories of his old lover, and that voice that made things so much better in bed, and felt a warmth deep inside him. Yeah, 8 years since he was physically with a man. It was going on 12 years since he was in an actual relationship with a man. That didn't end as well as things with Bal. He and Gordon were exploring one another in college, for two and a half years. He really thought that they had something. Apparently Gordon thought otherwise. When he had found him with his biology partner, Gadreel, “studying”. 

Dean never worried about Gordon being tempted away with women, he was completely gay, use to say that vaginas scared him. He also didn't think he had to worry about him being tempted away by another man though. Dean did his best to keep him happy in and out of the bedroom. They taught one another so much also learned and grew together in the newness of their relationship. They had admitted that they were not each others firsts but they had done a lot of firsts with one another. 

By the time he graduated he had stopped wondering if Gadreel was the only one Gordon had cheated with. He also, after being tested at the campus clinic and coming back clean, forgot about Gordon with a lot of alcohol and various men and women. He had a true college experience. He was happy for it, but Gordon had soured him from relationships with men after that. Bal was the closest he had come to another one. 

He didn't think a relationship with another man was a good idea. He could definitely get to know the guy. I mean he could use another friend. It seemed like the only friend he had outside of his family anymore was Benny. Benny tried to get him out and make friends, met people, even encouraged him on more than one occasion to try the one night stand thing again. Benny said it could be “therapeutic”. Somehow Dean doubted it would be that way for him. 

So maybe having a friend closer might be nice. They could hang out more often then he did with Benny. It would definitely help with the loneliness. Not that he had much down time. He usually spent more time at work than other people thought was healthy. Especially Ellen and Bobby. They were always getting on him about “taking time for himself” and not over working himself. As if Bobby was one to talk. Nothing could keep him out of the shop he worked in. He would be happy to see them tomorrow at the BBQ. 

That is what Cas would be. A friend. That is it. Nothing more. Besides, not that he was against those in wheelchairs or a romantic relationship with someone in one, he just, wasn't sure how that would work. Especially if he doesn't have use of his legs, or other parts below the waist. He doesn't base relationships on physical intimacy alone. It is nice though. Which brought him back to the question he had on his mind that he was trying not to think about. Not just because he was not sure how sex with Cas would work, although the more he thought about it the better of an idea he managed to get, but also if _it_ would work. I mean, did he feel it? Was he paralyzed or just had no legs below his knees? 

Dean tried to shake off those thoughts as he put everything in the fridge for the next day. He was looking forward to it. Benny wouldn't be there, he claimed he had an outstanding appointment with a cute brunette he met named Hannah. He told him he would be missed and to be safe. He would hear all about it Monday morning he was sure. It was getting a bit late and the sun had already set. He missed his chance to have a beer on the porch and watch the sunset. Maybe he would do that tomorrow. There would be enough people here he could slip away for it. He hoped anyway. He wondered if Cas liked sunsets. That was the last thought he had before drifting off to sleep. 

The next day went by pretty fast. He slept in a little but had enough time to shower and go pick up the beverages that he promised his brother he would have. He also had enough time to make an apple pie. He text his brother and told him to use his key if he got there before he got back from the store. He knew that his brother was always early, today would be no exception, even if Jess did try to get him to hold off a little. Bobby and Ellen would probably be little late. They had some things to do today before they came in. Knowing the two of them it was work related. 

When he got home sure enough his brother was waiting for him. He and Jess were sitting on the porch swing and smiled when his Impala pulled into the drive way and parked. They came down to the driveway to help him bring things in. He clapped his brother on the shoulder “Sammy, I told you to let yourselves in.” His brother just smiled back, we did. Just wanted to enjoy the nice weather is all.   
Sammy passed him to grab the beer and he pulled Jess up into a big hug. “It's been a long time since I've seen you! How are you?” 

She gave him a big bright smile and pulled him back into a strong hug. “I know, it feels like forever. Work keeps me really busy, I need this break today. But I've been good.” 

She gave him a huge grin and asked “How about you? How have you been?” She dared a glance over to his neighbors house. His eyes widened in surprise, “Sammy! What have you been poisoning your girlfriends beautiful head with?” 

His only response he received was his brother chuckling as he watched him disappear into the house.   
He led Jess into the house just in time to miss Cas coming out to the porch to water his plants. 

Turns out Sam isn't the only one who likes to be early. 

Around 2:40 Dean heard his doorbell ring. He knew it wasn't his uncle wouldn't bother knocking he would just let himself in as he always did. So it must have been his new neighbor. He excused himself from his conversation and smiled as he went to answer the door. He was trying not to be nervous. He opened the door and was already looking down to meet his neighbors eyes. He smiled at him “Hiya, Cas! Glad you could make it. Hope you didn't have too much trouble finding the place.” Dean cringed internally at his bad joke, maybe it wasn't a good idea to already be two beers in with his brother. A toothy smile just spread across the man's face. “Hello Dean, I hope you don't mind that we are a bit early. My brother was anxious to meet my new neighbor.” 

That was when Dean finally looked up and saw a shorter brown haired man with brown eyes and a cocky smile. He reached his hand out to the man. “Dean, this is my brother Gabriel. Gabe, Dean.” The man shook his hand and smiled. 

“Nice to meet you, Dean. I can see what my brother was talking about.” He raised one eyebrow as his eyes roamed over his body quickly. Dean saw Cas shoot his brother a look before Gabe raised his other hand and when he took his hand from Dean's placed a 12 pack into it. Dean looked up to him before he had a chance to respond to anything and Gabriel informed him “Didn't want to show up empty handed!” 

Dean stepped aside with a confused look on his face and with a sweeping gesture of his arm welcomed them into his home. As they passed him, Gabriel first, he told them they were more than welcome to head to the back yard where he was already entertaining his brother and his girlfriend. Gabriel headed to the back and after closing the door Dean went to the fridge to put the beer away. When he turned around with two of them in his hand he noticed Cas at the entry way to the kitchen, head cocked to one side studying him. 

He handed Cas one of the beers, which he took with a smile. “I see that you have a sturdy removable ramp for your steps.” Dean just grinned at the man. 

“I told you, Cas. I got you.” Before Cas had a chance to say whatever it was that Dean saw about to come the door opened again and he heard his uncle yell into the house. 

“Dean! Where are you ya idjit?” Dean just laughed. 

“Coming Bobby! I'll be right back Cas. If I don't go greet him he will become even more unruly.” He gave Cas a wink before walking away.

He greeted Bobby and Ellen not far into the house, hugging them both. “Hey Bobby. How are you doing?” 

“I'm fine. You know that.” Dean just chuckled and asked Ellen the same. 

“Oh you know, things are a bit quieter with Jo gone to college now, but not much. We just miss her presence there.” He smiled at his Aunt. He loved Jo like a little sister. He led them towards the back yard. He stopped near Cas and grinned at him as he watched as the moment of realization dawned on him when Cas saw Bobby roll into the living room in his own wheelchair. 

“Bobby, Ellen, this is Castiel, my new neighbor. Cas, this is my Uncle Bobby and Aunt Ellen. Their daughter Jo is missing today because she has recently shipped off to some fancy college.” 

“It is nice to meet you both.” Cas smiled at them and shook each of their hands. 

“Bobby, Sam is out back with Jess and Cas' brother Gabriel.” 

“Oh good, I get to see both of you idjits today.” He grumbled even if his grin said he was happy about it. The two of them trailed off to the back yard and he watched them go, feeling the tickle of those blue eyes staring at him. He finally looked down to Cas. 

“You didn't happen to mention your uncle was also in a chair.” 

“You never asked.” He just grinned at the man and clapped his shoulder. “Come on, Cas. Let's go get that grill fired up.” 

Cas followed him outside where there was already conversations going and what seemed like Bobby trying to argue with Sam and Gabe while Ellen caught up with Jess. 

He was going to hand the unopened beer to Gabe but noticed that Sam must have already played host and gave him one from the cooler next to the table. He just opened it for himself and set it down after a sip and began lighting the grill. He then went and introduced Cas to Sam and eventually Jess, who decided it was her job to learn everything that she could from this new neighbor. Dean just smiled at his little gathering and hoped that Cas, and maybe even his brother, could eventually be called friends.   
As he stood there listening to Jess shoot question after question to Cas, and all his answers, he wondered what Gabe had meant when he said what he did upon meeting him. What had Cas said to his brother about him? 

He let it drop from his mind as Sam pulled him into an argument with Bobby and Gabriel. The evening went well. He learned a lot about Cas, thanks to Jessica, and even more about his brother, who he began to suspect loved to hear himself talk. They had eaten a little early and were all talking and laughing, resting before Dean brought the pie out, when Dean looked up at the sky. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves enough with the company that Dean grabbed a couple beers from the cooler and slipped inside to head towards his front porch. He shivered as he walked into the house, he didn't think anything of it, even though it was a pair of blue eyes watching him curiously. 

He made his way out front and sat on the porch swing with a smile. This was one of his favorite things to do on his weekends. He rocked as he opened one of the beers and sipped it. He just listened to the sounds of the neighborhood as the sun slipped like honey down the sky, dripping deeper into the horizon. After a few minutes he looked over when he heard the front door open. He smiled when he saw it was Cas. He rolled out, shut the door behind him, and slid over to Dean's side. 

“Hey, Cas.” 

“Hello, Dean.” 

He grabbed the other beer and handed it to his neighbor. He shivered again when Cas took the beer and their fingers touched. Dean let his own linger longer than he probably should have while they looked into the others eyes. Coming back to himself after a moment he removed his hand and looked back to the sky as he cleared his throat.

“You like watching the sunset?” Cas' deep gravelly voice had him suppressing another shiver. He just nodded and took a drink of his beer knowing Cas was still looking at him. Cas opened his beer and turned to watch the sunset with Dean. They both continued to steal glances at the other when they didn't think the other was looking. Dean was more confident that his neighbor was into guys. That didn't mean that he was interested in anything more than friendship with Dean though. They just met. 

As the sun edged further below the horizon and the light turned to a dark sky with stars slowly waking up to twinkle down on them Cas spoke. Dean almost jumped. He didn't forget he was there, there was no way he could, just wasn't expecting him to speak. 

“So I guess it's just you here?” Dean held back a smile. Yeah, it looked like his neighbor was into guys, and maybe he was interested in more since he may be inquiring about Dean's status as a single male. 

“Yeah, just me. So you won't have to worry about noise. Other than little get togethers like this, which rarely happen by the way, my best friend Benny is usually the only one to come over regularly. He just usually spends a few hours trying to convince me to go out to a bar or something with him. Occasionally watches the game with me.” 

Dean saw Cas nod out of the corner of his eye. “I wasn't worried about the noise. You seem like a neighbor that would be reasonable enough not to be blaring his music at 3am.” 

“So just curious?” Dean gave him a smirk as he looked over to him with an amused smile. 

“Just curious.” He bit his bottom lip and Dean wondered what it would feel like to do that to him and then suck it into his mouth. 

“What about you Cas? By yourself? No girlfriend? Boyfriend? Room mate?” He tried to make it as vague as possible. He was really curious to hear his answer. 

Cas just laughed a little and looked over to meet Dean's eyes. “No, Dean. I have no room mate, unless you consider Gabe, who will probably want to crash in my spare bedroom more often than not since my place is closer to the establishments he likes to frequent at night.” He paused as he took a drink of his beer and Dean watched as his tongue slowly licked his dry lips. “No boyfriend either.” He looked like he wanted to say more but left it at that just staring into Dean's eyes. 

Dean let out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding. He didn't realize how close they had got to one another until he heard the front door open and the trance was broke. He looked up to see Ellen smiling knowingly at him. 

“Dean, we were promised pie. Bobby is getting onry about it because he wants to head home soon. You know he doesn't care to be on the road too late.” 

“Yeah, I'm coming, be right there.” He offered her a smile and as soon as the door was closed he looked back to Cas who hadn't moved. They were still pretty close but he pulled back and stood up anyway.

“You like apple pie, Cas? I make a mean pie.” He only held eye contact for a moment before he looked away to the stars now twinkling above them, not sure when it got so dark, and started walking towards the door. 

He let Cas go first and waited until he returned to the backyard before heading into the kitchen to get the pie. He wasn't sure what had happened out on the porch but he knew that he wasn't going to be able to be just friends with Cas. Not with the way Cas looked at him like he wanted to devour him with heat in those eyes that made unspoken promises of many pleasures. Dean shivered and felt goose bumps cover him.

*

The pie was delicious. Dean was not joking. It was quite enjoyable to watch him eat his piece with such enthusiasm. He would moan around bites occasionally and have his eyes closed in a picture of bliss. Cas wondered if he would be able to make Dean's face fall into one of such pure pleasure. Although Dean hadn't said outright that he liked men, he gathered enough from the way he was around him as well as little hints that Jess seemed to be dropping all evening. 

He knew that something was going on between them. He just wasn't sure what. Shortly after Gabriel finished his second piece of pie, making Dean promise to make one just for him the next time, he took his leave. He had already planned on heading out to some new club that night. After assuring his brother he would in fact be able to get home without him, Gabe walked out the door. 

Shortly after Bobby and Ellen left. As gruff as the man could be he wasn't too bad company, very smart. He learned that Bobby had his own care repair shop and worked tirelessly because he loved to, and so that he could make sure his daughter Jo was able to go to the college she wanted. Sam and Jess stayed a little while longer. Having another beer with Dean and Cas and helping clean up before they too finally decided to leave. Sam claimed that he had a rough week and as great as it was to see his brother and meet Cas they needed to get home, they were beat. 

Cas escorted them out to the porch with Dean and waved them off as they left. He sighed and looked over to his house. “I suppose I should call it a night as well, let you get some rest.” 

He looked up to find green eyes staring down at him. 

“Or, you can stay for a while longer, if you want. I'm not going to rush you off so fast. Besides, I enjoy your company. Living by myself and not having a boyfriend can get a little lonely.” 

Cas smiled up at Dean and his subtle confirmation that, yes, he was in fact into men and very available. So whatever attraction he felt must go both ways, at least a little. He didn't think him being in a wheelchair was going to be an issue. Dean was obviously comfortable with it, especially since his uncle was in one. Of course that didn't mean that he was okay with being sexually involved. He decided not to think too much on it. Not with the way Dean's eyes were practically caressing him. He had to suppress a shiver under his gaze. 

Instead of answering he just turned his chair back towards to door and wheeled into Deans house again.   
In the living room he turned to face Dean. 

“Would you like another beer?” Dean offered. Cas only shook his head. 

“Want to watch a movie?” 

“Sure, Dean. Mind if I take a seat on the couch?” To his credit Dean didn't show any shock at that. Just swept his arm in the direction of the couch. 

“Be my guest, man.” Cas could feel Dean's eyes watching him as he used his strong arms to lift himself from his chair onto the comfortable couch. Once he was settled Dean sat next to him, instead of on the other side of the couch. His lips twitched up in a small smile. He watched as Dean flipped through Netflix and found something that wasn't too exciting. 

Suddenly when the movie began he stood up, “You want something else to drink, Cas? Water? Tea? Milk? Coffee?” 

He looked up at him and leaned his head to the side a little as he studied the man before him. He seemed nervous. “Sure, Dean. I will take some water.” 

Dean gave him a bit of a nervous smile and headed towards the kitchen. Cas settled a little more comfortable into the couch just before Dean returned and handed him a bottle of water.   
“Thank you.” He glanced over at the beautiful green eyed man as he sat back next to him. 

“Yeah, of course, man.” 

They sat in silence for the first thirty minutes of the movie and he couldn't help but notice the way that Dean would keep looking over at him and just stare for a few moments before he would look back to the movie. Cas did his best to keep from smiling. He eventually opened the water and took a long drink and felt Dean's eyes on him as he did so. He put the cap back on and set it on the table next to the couch. He stretched and then let his hands slide down next to his legs.

He felt Dean's body stiffen a little as his breath hitched when his left hand touched his right thigh as Cas settled it between the two men. After a moment he felt Dean relax a little and lean back into the couch and open his legs a little more so that more of his thigh was touching Cas' hand.

“So, Cas. How do you like your new home?” Dean was trying to focus on watching the movie but Cas knew that neither of them cared about it.

“It is nice. I also like the neighborhood. My new neighbor doesn't seem too terrible either. So that's something.” He looked over and gave Dean a playful smile.

Dean finally looked over at him and grinned. “Yeah, having a neighbor that isn't terrible is always a good thing. In fact, I think I quite like my new neighbor.”

“Is that so?” He raised his eyebrow in question at Dean as he searched his face for the answer he was looking for.

Dean looked down shyly then looked back up at Cas through his lashes and took his breath away with the heat he thought he saw there. “Oh yeah. I really hope that he and I can....get to know, one another, and spend more time together.” He looked back up to Cas and gave a shy smile.

“I understand that desire. I think that I might quite enjoy having my neighbor in my company more often. I think that getting to know him would bring us a lot...closer.” He knew that the last word came out as almost a whisper, but it worked, Dean was leaning in closer to him, even if he hadn't realized it.

“I really think he would like that, Cas.” He was close enough now that he could feel Dean's breath on his face, he could smell beer and mint, like he had decided to brush his teeth, or have a mint. Maybe Dean was more hopeful than he let on.

“It is really good to know that, Dean.”

“Hey, Cas.” 

“Yes, Dean?”

“I..I think I would really like to umm...” his eyes looked down to Cas' lips and he automatically licked them wet in anticipation.

“Yes, Dean.” His words brought those beautiful eyes back to his. All he had to do was lean forward a little. Just the space of a breath and his lips would be on Dean's. He didn't want to make the first move though. So he waited. He moved his left hand up a little and as he set it on the top of Dean's thigh, that was enough acceptance for Dean and soft full lips met his.

There was no urgency behind the kiss. It was soft and sensual. Careful and hesitant. He returned the kiss with enthusiasm. Not deepening it, just letting Dean know that he also wanted it, that if he desired to deepen it then he wanted it as well. Dean's hand moved to the back of Cas' head and softly curled into his messy dark hair. Cas moaned softly at the touch. It had been so long. As soon as his mouth had opened slightly Dean's tongue flicked out and licked his lips keeping them open, tracing them, slowly taking his mouth. 

Although tempted, Cas did not move his hand further up Dean's well toned thigh, he simply squeezed it and encouraged him. Finally Dean moved his head a little to the side to have better access and let his tongue find Cas'. He gently licked and coxed his tongue to move with his. It was almost like a dance that Dean was doing and trying to get Cas be his dance partner.

Moaning Cas took Dean's tongue and wrapped his own around it and felt all his blood rush south when Dean let out the most beautiful moan into his mouth that Cas happily swallowed down. Without realizing his movements he let his hand move slowly up and down the thigh he wanted to be straddling. At that Dean slowly broke the kiss, eyes still closed and hand still buried in his hair. They were still only a breath apart, breathing hard, Dean finally opened his eyes. Pupils wide with arousal he licked his lips and huffed out a little laugh. “I'm sorry, man.” He was so quiet when he said it that Cas almost didn't hear it.

“Trust me, Dean, that was nothing to apologize for.” He stopped moving his hand on Dean's thigh and gave it a little squeeze on the slightly softer inner part of it.

“I shouldn't have done that though.” he moved his leg closer to Cas, encouraging his touch and letting his action contradict his words.

“Why is that?” Emboldened he began moving his hand slowly up his inner thigh, just before touching where he wants to touch the most, he moved his hand back down to his knee.

“We just met yesterday. You don't know me, I don't know you. I don't even know if this is something we should be doing.” He closed his eyes for a little to long to be a blink and swallowed hard as Cas' hand seductively moved back up his thigh once more.

“Dean, every relationship begins with two people that are complete strangers. Why don't you know if we should be doing this? Because....” He didn't dare want to finish that sentence, not if he ended up that he was right. He didn't want his worries to be founded, not with this incredibly sexy man who seemed to want him.

“Because we are neighbors. I mean, I don't know what this would end up being, I don't usually do one night stands, but what if we end up not wanting....this, more, what ever it is. I don't want things to be awkward between us.” Cas just smiled, Dean was hesitant only because he didn't want things to be awkward. Nothing to do with his lack of complete legs.

“Dean, I don't know where this could end up, I have tried to put my one night stand days behind me, for obvious reasons, but we could see where it goes. If you want to keep it casual for now we can. Just get to know one another. Nothing else. Then if we don't want more, we can part as friends, or just neighbors. No pressure.” Cas could try to do it for Dean. Even if all he wanted at that moment was to rip all his clothes off and swallow him down before sitting in his lap and riding him until he couldn't see straight.

“Don't you think that would be for the best?” Dean's breathing was coming in little pants as Cas continued to run his hands up and down his thigh.

“Only if that is what you want.” Cas whispered as he brought his lips back to Dean's, not demanding anything from him, and carefully licked Dean's lips wetting them before kissing firmly before drawing back. 

When he looked back into Dean's eyes they were hungry. He felt like prey and Dean was about to pounce. Sure enough, after searching his face for something he must have found, Dean snaked his other hand around Cas' waist and pulled him closer kissing him with passion Cas hadn't felt since before the accident. 

He released a deep moan into Dean's mouth as their tongues fought for dominance. As Cas' hand moved further up grazing, but not quite touching, Dean's sizable erection in his jeans, Dean broke the kiss and nearly growled at Cas when he pulled on that dark mop of hair tilting his head back while he licked, kissed and nipped his way down Cas' jaw, teasing and moving down his throat, finally making his way to his collarbone and sucking gently on it leaving a red mark, not enough to stay longer than the night.

Figuring this was something that was going to most likely happen Cas reached up and grabbed Dean's shoulder's for leverage and swung his thigh over Dean's legs and straddled him. Pressing his hard length against Dean's they both moaned. To Dean's credit his hands never faltered. His one hand still firmly gripping Cas' hair and the other just pulled him tighter as he lifted his mouth to be kissed again. 

Cas couldn't help but oblige those eyes that seemed to beg for his kiss and touch. So he kissed Dean hard, lapping at his lips before biting them a little harder than he normally would. He was about to pull back and apologize when he heard a beautiful groan from blond under him, now trying to thrust his hips up to gain friction. Cas moved his hands down Dean's muscular chest and found the hem of his shirt, the back of his fingers rubbing against the hard outline tightening the jeans he wore, as he gripped it and began to pull it up and off of Dean's body. He leaned back slightly to watch as the delicious tan skin was exposed to him. His body felt cool where the other mans hands left to disrobe. They came back quickly grasping at Cas' shirt as well, making quick work of it as he pulled it over his head and tossed it over to the side without a second thought.

Watching Dean's face as his eyes roamed over his body gave him shivers. It was almost like a cooling touch against his hot skin. Eventually his hands replaced eyes as they found the scars on his sides and back. Cas tensed but Dean only pulled his body closer and kissed his chest. Moving down to his right nipple and licking and nipping at it making Cas roll his hips seductively into Dean. When Dean moved to his left nipple Cas had to close his eyes and relax into the touch that was still roaming his body. Hands were caressing his back, his shoulder blades, moving down his sides, over his hips, down his thighs. 

Cas was so gone from Dean's touch and his mouth on his body he couldn't be bothered to worry if he would stop at his thighs. Dean squeezed and used his grip to pull him even closer, pressing their chests together. That was when he realized that he was doing nothing to participate. Just letting himself feel. He leaned his head down to meet those luscious, hungry lips once more. They felt so good against his. Dean tasted so good. He moved one hand behind Dean's head and one down between their bodies moving enough to give him room to palm at Dean's cock. He trailed a line of kisses from Dean's mouth to his ear, licking the shell of it before speaking softly to Dean, his voice rough with desire, “Do you want to move this to the bedroom?”

*

Dean knew that his neighbor could feel the response that his cock gave when he asked that question into his ear. There was no way he could control the twitch it made into the hand that was covering it. He had to bit his bottom lip to avoid growling at the man.

“Are you sure you want this, Cas? We can stop right now.” He offered even if he knew that his resolve was being held together by the tiniest string. If Cas said yes there would be no stopping this.

“Yes, Dean. I want this.” He felt the hand on his dick give a squeeze to emphasize his desire.

“Cas, I'm want you to stay right where you are. Hold on.” He gripped under Cas' ass tightly and held the man in place, he carefully stood and found his balance as he tucked the smaller man closer to his body. He looked into his blue eyes and licked his lips, unsure if he would be able to make it to the bedroom before losing himself in those eyes and his kiss. Halfway down the hall he lost his determination to wait and pressed him against the wall firmly as he kissed him hard.

Pulling away he didn't bother with apologies. He pressed the body as close to his as possible and let his hips grind up against his ass. The man in his arms let out the sexiest growl and demanded “Bedroom. Now.” He complied with the order, half walking, half running, unable to wait any longer to get this man under him. 

He didn't bother closing the door, one of the benefits to living alone, and he practically crushed Cas beneath him as he laid them both on the bed kissing him and pulling his hips away to fumble with the button and zipper of his jeans. Cas moved his own hands to Dean's jeans and was a little more coordinated with getting them open and pressed almost all the way down his hips before Dean was able to get his down. 

Hesitantly he pulled away from Cas and pulled the mans jeans off his hips, along with his boxers, and pulled them down and off his legs. He tossed them to the side and went to work his own off as he let his eyes roam the willing body below him. Cas kept in shape, that much was clear, and it made Dean even harder looking at the flat planes of his stomach, the way his hips dipped in. His thighs were still well toned and he knew his ass was too when he grabbed it. He saw the scars on his side and where his legs had been removed and didn't think them any less beautiful than the man himself. 

Once his own jeans and boxers were in a pile somewhere on the floor he moved to the bed again. He let his hands start at Cas' knees, just above where the scars were, moving them painfully slow up his thighs stopping short of the man's gorgeous, thick, swollen intact cock. He looked up at those blue eyes to find them watching him intently.

“Cas, you are so beautiful.” He watched the man blush as he ran his hands up his sides over the scars and onto his chest up. He crawled onto the bed, straddling him, his hands moved up the sides of his neck to his face and held his face just watching him before kissing him again. Cas moved his hands to Dean's hips holding him close so their erections touched sending jolts of pleasure though them both.

“Cas, I have a confession.” He felt Cas tense, before he could let Cas respond in anyway he pressed on.

“It has been a long time since I've been with a man.” He held the mans gaze and bit his bottom lip.

He felt the tension run out of his body as he smiled up at him. “Dean, it has been a while for me as well.”

“Cas, it's been 8 years for me.” He held back his laugh when he saw Cas' eyes widen and his mouth form an O at that shock.

“Well, it hasn't been nearly that long for me. If you are uncomfortable we don't have to continue...” He noticed the disappointment that flashed briefly in those blue eyes.

“I don't want to stop. I want you. More than you know. I just don't think I could, take you, this time.” He held his breath waiting.

“Dean, as much as I would love to feel myself buried inside you, I would also enjoy feeling you deep inside of me. If that is something that you would want.” He felt his breath release and kissed him.

“Yes, I do want that. I just wanted to make sure you did, too.” He kissed from his lips all the way down the warm skin and gripped Cas' cock at the base and kissed the exposed head, licking up the clear bead of liquid that was there, before retracting the foreskin to give him full access. Pumping his fist slowly he took the head in his mouth and let his tongue twirl around it and over the slit, sucking it in a little.

Feeling Cas' hand move to his head, running his fingers through his short hair, he let himself be guided down further the mouth watering member he was tasting. Cas was no small man. Smaller than himself, but not by much. He moved slow, running his tongue around the shaft as he went, licking the sensitive area on the underside. Finally he felt the head at the back of his throat. He held it there and pressed gently further down, letting him inside his throat. He heard a sexy moan escape Cas as he did. He obviously wasn't expecting that. He sent a silent thanks up to Balthazar for teaching him that one. He took him further in his throat until his nose was flush against the soft curls at the base. He proceeded to swallow him down, moving his hands to hold his hips down to keep him from thrusting. 

Fingers griped tighter on the short hair as he swallowed again. He held him there feeling the throb of his cock deep inside his throat then slowly moved back up, moving one hand to the base to begin stroking as he moved back up. He then took him down deep, but not into his throat this time, moving his hand in sync with his mouth he felt him get impossibly harder and knew that he was close. He gave one more deep suck and then pulled off with a soft pop, wiping his mouth free of the saliva that had gathered there.

He walked over to the table next to his bed and opened a drawer pulling out a condom and a bottle of lube. He moved above Cas and kissed him deeply. When he pulled away he noticed the blue of his eyes was nearly over taken by the black pupils. “Holy...Dean.”

“Cas, I'm pretty sure there was nothing holy about what I just did. Or what I'm about to do.” he grinned at the man. No longer self conscience or shy. There was hardly any point when you were both naked as the day you were born and getting intimate with one anothers body. He flipped the cap open on the lube and let some of it slide onto his fingers. He set the bottle aside and reached down between his legs. Letting his fingers find their destination they circled the ring and asked Cas one last time “You ready?”   
He smiled at Dean “I don't think there is any going back now.”

Dean pressed one finger slowly into the tight ring until he was inside to the first knuckle. He let it sit like that as he lazily kissed Cas' open mouthed. Once he felt him relax he pressed in further, slowly, down to the last knuckle. He let his body relax once more before he started moving slowly back out. He smiled against Cas' lips when he let out a soft pleasurable noise. He moved a little faster until he felt that he could take a second finger. Licking at the mouth open under his he worked a second digit into his body. Going through it all again.

Once Dean had worked his hole enough with a third finger, Cas was squirming under him moaning his name into his mouth. “You ready Cas? Ready to take my cock?” 

Those blues eyes open and he groaned at him “Yes, fuck me, Dean.” 

Smiling Dean removed his fingers slowly and wiped his had on his bed spread, found the condom and ripped it open. Moments later he was sheathed and covered in lube teasing the opening of Cas' hole. He rubbed the head of his throbbing cock in circles before lining up and pressing slowly into his neighbor. He moaned as the head passed the band of tight muscles. He held himself as still as possible as he felt his cock move at the sensation. As soon as Cas relaxed he pressed further into him, slowly. He stopped when he felt Cas tighten around him again. He had to close his eyes and throw his head back and school his breathing. Between the tightness around him, the sinful noises his new lover was making, and how long it had been, he needed to gather his restraint not to lose it right there before even getting all the way inside.

“Dean, I need more, move.” The voice filled his ears and was pure sex, he had to concentrate even more. “Cas...give me a minute. I want to make this good for both of us. You are so tight and warm. It has been so long. I don't want this to be over before it even starts. Especially since I'm afraid it won't last long once I do start.” He knew his voice was strained but he reached one hand down to where that exquisite cock lay hard and leaking against Cas' abdomen and gave it the attention that it deserved.

After focusing on Cas for a moment he felt he could begin moving again. He moved slowly, holding Cas' hip with one hand to keep him from pressing up and forcing Dean further.

Finally, after what felt like forever, his hips were pressed against flesh as he bottomed out. Still slowly stroking Cas, he couldn't help but oblige as Cas moaned out to him “Moooove.” He pulled back and slid back in with a little more ease as Cas had adjusted to him. He bit his bottom lip hard as he moved again. He knew his cock had teased over his prostate when Cas arched his back and made a noise he wanted to hear again and again. Angling at that spot, Dean moved over it with every stroke.

“Faster Dean.” Cas was able to finally choke out. Dean picked up the pace. Moved his hand in time with his hips and tried to get Cas to come. He knew he wasn't going to last much longer. He wanted to make sure that Cas had his pleasure first.

As he slammed down into the tight body he managed to get out “Cas...baby...come..for me.”   
He heard the moan that was nearly a scream as he hit his prostate once more and felt Cas tighten around him making it nearly impossible to move, his cock pulsed in his hand and white ropes of come covered his hand and Cas' abdomen. Cas shook with pleasure but still managed to sit up enough to grab Dean's ass and press him deeper. Finally he broke. Wracked with pleasure he felt the pulse of his own dick jumping deep inside the heat of his neighbors body as he filled the condom. 

Sated he nearly collapsed on top of the other man as he did his best to catch his breath while his heart attempted to slow down to something resembling normal. He kissed the flesh of the other mans chest and tasted the salt from sweat there. He felt Cas' hand run through his sweaty hair making him shiver as it cooled on his body. He felt himself go soft and adjusted so that he slipped from Cas' body and propped up on his arms caging Cas in. He searched the blue eyes looking for any sign of regret. Not finding any he moved down and kissed him deeply. Parting from him he smiled against his lips “Fuck, Cas. That was amazing.”

Cas just laughed a little. “If you think that was amazing, wait until I get to show you what I can do. Speaking of which, you have to tell me how you did that with your throat. I have never in my life felt so good in someones mouth.” Now it was Dean's turn to laugh.

“Sure, Cas. I can try to teach you.” He smiled down happy about the idea of being able to spend more nights like this.

He rolled off the bed and headed into his bathroom. After tying off and disposing of the condom he cleaned himself up and brought a warm wet wash cloth out and carefully cleaned up his lover. Tossing the wash cloth into the laundry hamper he laid down and curled into Cas. He was ready for sleep. It dawned on him, Cas may not want to stay. 

“Cas?” 

“Hmm?” He sounded sleepy. 

“Stay the night?” He tried not to sound too hopeful. It had been a while since he had someone to warm his bed. He would enjoy it but didn't want to push for something Cas didn't want.

Cas opened one eye and looked at Dean. “Only if you really want me to.” He gave Dean a sleepy grin that twisted things inside him. 

“Oh yeah. I do.” He moved up to get into the bed properly and held the covers as Cas moved to join him.

Cas laid against his chest and Dean surrounded his body with his arms protectively as he felt his eyelids get heavy. One of his last thoughts before finally drifting off to sleep was how happy he was that all of Cas' parts seemed to be in perfect working order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There ya go. Smut. I hope that the last PoV change wasn't too abrupt. I just really felt I needed to do that from Dean's PoV.   
> If there is any tag suggestions feel free to let me know.  
> I am hoping to add chapter three tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

Cas woke as the sun light poured into the window. He squinted his eyes at the offending curtains that hadn't been closed last night then rolled over. Right into one of the hottest bodies he had ever had the pleasure of touching. He felt his already very aware erection jump against the warm skin it touched. He could still hear the steady low breathing letting him know that Dean was still sleeping. He smiled and curled his arm around the mans hard chest, pulling his body against him, letting his dick press against that perfect ass. 

Dean moaned quietly and pressed back into his heat. Cas had to bit his lip to keep quiet. He nuzzled the back of Dean's neck and let his hand roam down the smooth skin he hadn't had much of a chance to explore the night before. Fingers gently explored his chest, circling his nipples, then moving to his side and he moved lower. He felt Dean shiver and smiled, maybe Dean was ticklish there, then let his hand move over his stomach, palm flat against it and slowly moved to find Dean's cock was already hard and his hand nudged the tip. He smiled and listened closely. He wasn't sure how Dean would feel about being woke up like this, he knew that he personally wouldn't mind, but he wasn't Dean. He stopped and held his hand just above the base of Dean's dick.

What if Dean didn't want him this morning? Last night was amazing. It had been a very long time since he felt like that with anyone. He would absolutely jump at another chance to be with Dean sexually again. They didn't know one another. He would like to get to know Dean though. Maybe the words Dean spoke last night were just that. He bit his lip. Maybe they weren't. Only one way to find out. 

Pushing his fears and insecurities aside he kissed the back of Dean's neck over and over and let his hand softly grip his cock and lazily stroke up and down. He didn't move to do anything further, not until he felt Dean's body tense a little, and heard his breathing sped up. Then he gripped him a little tighter as he moved his hand up and teased the head with his thumb as he nibbled on his shoulder.   
“Good morning, Dean.” His voice was filled with sleep and lust as he continued with his ministrations.  
He felt his own cock twitch against Dean's ass when he heard his sleepy voice practically moan his name in response. 

“Turn around, Dean.” he licked the back of his ear after he spoke and Dean turned to face him. He kissed those plump lips that were made to be wrapped around a hard cock and then kissed his way down Dean's body as he teased and stroked his cock. He finally found himself right where he wanted to be. With Dean's large dick taunting him. He flicked his tongue out and caught the bead of moisture that was sliding down the head and heard Dean moan softly. He couldn't wait any longer. He took Dean into his mouth. He tasted salty but Cas didn't mind. He slid his tongue along the shaft, it felt so velvety smooth he couldn't help but hum in appreciation. As soon as the vibrations hit Dean he nearly choked as Dean thrust into his mouth all the way. He moved his hands to Dean's hips and held him down.

“Sorry, Cas.” Dean's voice no longer sounded sleepy, it sounded wrecked. He just hummed in response.

With renewed enthusiasm Cas took as much of Dean down as possible. Hitting the back of his throat several times and trying to ignore the gag reflex, he thought back to last night. He really wanted Dean to teach him how to do that. He wanted to do that to Dean. He pulled up and suckled on the head tasting the salty liquid as it came out then licked his way down the shaft and mouthed at Dean's balls. Pressing up against his muscular thighs and lifting his legs up he revealed his tight pink hole and kissed his way down.

He kissed his hole softly and felt it tighten before kissing it again and licking tentatively, feeling him relax a little more with every pass of his tongue. He squeezed his thighs as he put his mouth completely over the tight ring and started to work his tongue slowly inside. Hearing the beautiful noise that escaped Dean as he did only encouraged him to move his tongue further in. Once he breached the ring of muscles and let his tongue curl a few times and moved his hands down to pull gently at his ass using his thumbs to open his hole a little more for his tongue to slowly fuck him. 

After a few minutes of tongue fucking the Adonis until he squirmed he kissed his way back up to his cock and looked up to meet Dean's green eyes. “Dean, give me the lube.” His green eyes widened unsure of what he had planned. He smiled. “Don't worry, I won't do anything that you don't want me to. Ever.” 

Dean reached over to the night stand where he must have had the sense to put it last night and handed the bottle to him. He opened it and squirted some onto his fingers. Setting the bottle aside he rubbed the lube into the saliva slick hole and slowly slid a finger in as he took Dean's thick cock back into his mouth. As soon as he felt Dean relax completely with his finger buried deep inside him he moved it slowly out and worked it around in the tight warmth. He moaned onto the thickness in his mouth at the thought of getting his on dick inside that warmth. Dean was so tight, soft, and hot. He wasn't sure that he would last long the first time Dean let him inside. He also knew that it wouldn't happen today. 

While taking Dean deep and slow, suckling on him while he worked his hole open for another finger Dean put his hand on the back of his head. He didn't put any pressure, just held his hand there, his fingers tangling into his hair. He looked up the length of his body, blue eyes meeting green, watching his neighbors reaction as he slowly slide another finger in to join the other. Smiling around the cock in his mouth as Dean broke eye contact to press his head back into the pillow and let out a long, low moan. 

Maybe it wouldn't be too long before he could work Dean up to letting him fuck him. He felt his own dick twitch at the thought and knew that there would be a wet spot left on the bed where his own hips were mindlessly thrusting trying to gain friction that his cock needed. 

Once Dean was use to the feel of both of his fingers deep inside him he really went to work on him. Moving his mouth and his hand in time with one another. As he did his best to take Dean deep into his throat his fingers tirelessly searched for that sweet spot. He wanted to taste Dean. To swallow him down. He finally found it. That sweet bundle of nerves. Dean's hip jerked up, forcing him deep into Cas' mouth, as his fingers teased over it. With his free hand he held Dean down as he stroked across that spot again while lapping gently at the underside of Dean's cock while it twitched and grew impossibly harder. He knew Dean was close.

“Cas...I'm gonna...” He tried to warn. It was too late. He sucked Dean down as far as he could and continued to rub that spot deep inside him while swallowing his cock down. He felt his hole tighten almost painfully around his fingers and the pulsing as Dean shot down his throat. He took every drop greedily and when he was done licked and sucked him clean until he couldn't take it anymore because he was so sensitive. He smiled up at his lover and gently removed his fingers from his almost virginal ass. 

“Fucking shit, Cas.” His breath was ragged and his voice was thick with sex. Cas began kissing his thighs, then sucked a deep bruise into his inner thigh, laying his claim on him, before he moved his way back up to Dean slowly as he kissed and touched every part of that beautiful body, trying to commit it to memory with his fingers and lips. Finally reaching the mans lips and kissing gently. Dean deepened it though, licking Cas' lips tasting himself on and inside his mouth. He moaned into Dean's mouth and pulled him close. As soon as the kiss broke they were just staring into the others eyes. 

“Good morning, Dean.” He smiled at him. Dean just let out a small laugh. 

“I could get use to that kind of morning greeting for sure.” Dean pulled him close and nuzzled his neck leaving little bites and kisses as he went. One of Dean's hand moved down to his erection hard and heavy between his own legs. 

“Let me take care of you.” He whispered into Cas' ear as he began stroking. Cas knew it wouldn't take long. He was already on the verge. Only a handful of skillful strokes found Cas gasping Dean's name as he covered his hand and both their stomachs with his hot, wet, come. His eyes widened as Dean brought his hand up to his mouth and licked every bit from his hand slowly never breaking eye contact with Cas. It was one of the hottest things he had ever seen. If he didn't feel completely spent he would do his damnedest to get hard again and fuck into that tantalizing mouth that was teasing him.

When he was done Cas grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled him in for a deep kiss, tasting both of them on their tongues. He wouldn't have let Dean go if they didn't need to come up for air. He held Dean's head close to his, foreheads resting together as they caught their breath. 

“Dean, I'm almost positive you are one of the hottest creatures on this planet.” Dean just responded with laughter. A sound that thrilled Cas beyond belief. 

“You know, Cas, you aren't so bad yourself.” He playfully licked Cas' lips and then kissed them softly.

“You want to shower with me and maybe stay for breakfast?” his voice was hopeful. He just stared into Dean's eyes, apparently for a moment too long, Dean broke the eye contact, looking down. 

“You don't have to. I just thought it might be nice. Maybe get to know you a little more. I wasn't lying last night. I don't do one night stands. As incredible as last night, and right now, were I really would like to know you. Not just your body.” He pulled Cas as close as possible and nuzzled the spot right below his ear. 

“Dean. I wasn't hesitating. I would be happy to stay for breakfast. To get to know you better. I was just wondering how I was suppose to shower with you.” He put his finger under Dean's chin and lifted his face to look into his eyes again, giving him a sincere smile, “I'm sure that you 'got me' where that is concerned though.” He rubbed their noses together making Dean huff out a small laugh.

“Yeah, Cas. I got you.” 

After Dean retrieved his chair from the living room he headed in the direction of the kitchen again. Apparently unashamed of his amazing body after last night and this morning, he walked through the house naked. Cas settled himself into his chair and followed him into the kitchen to find him pouring two cups of coffee. 

“I need my coffee. Even before a shower. How do you take yours?” He set the coffee pot back. 

“Two sugars and cream.” He smiled and took the mug from Dean when he handed it to him.   
Once they were done Dean beckoned for him to join him in the shower. Dean had a large shower and Cas was somehow not one bit surprised that he had a shower seat that Cas was able to sit on. He wondered if it was for his Uncle when he stayed. 

Nothing but soft teasing touches and kisses given like unspoken promises passed between them as they washed themselves and each other. It was the most intimate and least sexual shower he had ever had with someone he had shared his body with. It made him warm inside. Dean let him wear a pair of his boxers and a t-shirt and they hung out in the kitchen talking, laughing, and singing to music Dean had put on while making breakfast and they ate. 

Cas noticed that Dean sat close to him and kept putting his hands on him while they ate. Little touches on his hands, resting his warm hand on his thigh, brushing toast crumbs from his lips with his thumb. When he did that last one he was so gentle and his eyes so full of heat Cas nearly insisted that they retreat back to the bed room. He didn't though.

Cas wasn't sure what would come of this, he just knew that this man he had only known for two and a half days made him feel alive again. Made him desire more from life than what he has accepted as his fate. He also knew that it wouldn't last. He was sure that once Dean really knew him, how broken he really was, he wouldn't want him, he would cast him aside. It was only a matter of time.

*

Dean watched Cas as he rolled out onto the back porch where they were going to have lunch together. They had spent nearly 24 hours together. Dean wasn't sure he would be able to handle that much time with someone who was, no longer, a complete stranger. He smiled as he put everything on a tray to carry outside with him. He didn't know when Cas wanted to go home but he also knew that he wouldn't mind him staying until tomorrow morning. 

That thought also made Dean a bit unsettled. He knew he was willing to try to put himself out there again. With this beautiful stranger no less. He just worried about how Cas wanted to proceed. They really hadn't talked about anything regarding a relationship. He looked over at the man sitting on his porch once more and smiled. He could do this. Be casual and see where it goes. Picking up the tray that held their lunch he walked outside, determined to just enjoy this time together. The man lived next door now, they had plenty of time to talk, later.

After lunch the two men had enjoyed a few stolen kisses and tempting touches. Dean didn't want to push for anything physical again. They enjoyed an amazing day together after an incredible night and morning. Why push it. He really wanted to get to know Cas better. They decided that they would do dinner together again and watch the sunset once more before calling it a night.

Sitting on the porch swing together, holding hands as they watched the sun move low as the colors slowly bled together, creating darkness as the darkness of night found it's way across the sky. 

Once the darkness settled in and the stars began poking out Dean sighed. He wasn't ready to let the night end. The last two days seemed more like a dream with Cas than reality. He wasn't ready to shatter that illusion. Not yet. He stole a glace over at Cas to find blue eyes looking back at him. Cas didn't seem quite ready to let go of it either. He leaned over the few inches to meet those lips that he knew could bring him so much pleasure. The kiss was soft, slow. Neither of them made a move to deepen it. Once they pulled apart Dean smiled at Cas.

“I suppose I should head home. I don't want to over stay my welcome.” Cas nearly whispered his breath softly brushing against Dean's lips as he spoke.

“Only if you want to go. I have really enjoyed our time together. I wouldn't mind if you stayed over again. Just don't want you to get tired of me too soon.” Dean's voice was playful but there was a serious edge behind it.

Cas laughed and looked down to their entwined fingers. Sighing he pulled away and brought his hand to Dean's face. Cupping his cheek he kissed him one more time. “I should go.”

Dean only nodded. He stayed on the swing holding it steady as Cas maneuvered his way back into his chair. Dean knew better than to try to be too helpful. He learned his lesson with Bobby. Trying to “help” someone who was in a wheelchair could really piss them off. As soon as Cas was settled he looked over to Dean. “Thank you, for such an...invigorating, welcome to the neighborhood.” His lips curled up in a sexy grin and his eyes sparkled.

Dean chuckled “It was a unique welcome, for you only. I don't welcome all my neighbors in such a passionate, way.” The grin on his face widened.

“Thank you, Dean.”

“Anytime, Cas.” 

Dean watched the man until he was safely inside his own home again before he stood up and walked back into his own house. It was probably best he slept alone tonight.

*

As soon as Cas went inside he took a deep breath then headed to his office. He knew he was in for one hell of a ribbing from Charlie. He had missed their Skype session with only a quick text to her stating “Can't make it tonight will let you know more tomorrow.”

When she pressed for more information he just ignored it and put his phone on silent. He didn't have to worry about Gabe. When Gabe text this morning and asked how things went last night he just replied with two words, “Still here.” Gabe proceeded to send a series of emjoi icons that he wasn't a hundred percent sure about. Not clear on what an eggplant had anything to do with his night with Dean. 

After plugging his now dead phone in next to the computer and logging into Skype he figured he would try Charlie. She was obviously waiting for him. It was a little past their normal Skype time and she looked furious. Well as furious as an adorable geeky red head could. She just stared at him. Angrily expectant on an explanation. He broke first. 

“I don't even think I can apologize for this, Charlie.” He smiled big at her. 

“It better be good then. Does it have anything to do with that new neighbor of yours?” His only response was a wide grin at her. Her eyes went wide and her mouth went from open shock to a huge grin. 

“Castiel! Did you _sleep_ with him?!” Her eyes danced with humor and mischief. He felt his face warm up and knew that was all the answer she needed. 

“Okay, I don't need all the gay sex details, but...” She leaned in and lowered her voice conspiratorially, “Was it good?” 

He leaned back and sighed “Charlie, it was the best vanilla sex I have had in years. Including before I lost my damn legs.” 

“Oh wow.” was her only response. She knew how much that statement alone meant. 

“Yeah. I know.” His face fell a little.

“Don't do it Cas. Do not get involved just to screw it up and pull away.” It was hard to find her serious some times, but the tone in her voice and the look on her face was hard to ignore.

“I know! I just don't know what to do. We had sex last night, then this morning it was...well, after we got up and showered, no Charlie, we did not have shower sex, we just spent the entire day together.” He looked at his best friend and knew he didn't really need to say much more. She just stared at him understanding. 

He lowered his voice and looked down at the desk, “I didn't want to come home tonight.” 

“Cas.” She just gave him a look that meant he needed to be careful. Needed to be sure he was ready. 

“I know.” He looked back and she knew he was telling her that he would try to hold back. He would try to keep his distance, try not to fall, try not to fuck up something with this kind of potential. 

“Cas.” she was really quiet. He didn't need her to say it, but he knew that it was coming anyway. He didn't bother looking up at her. 

“It's been a long time. You have been going through this cycle for years now. I am not sure if it is a good idea to do this with your neighbor.”

“I don't want to talk about it Charlie. I'm just going to take it one day at a time.” He smirked up at her. “Like the program says.”

She huffed. “I'm here if you need.” 

“I know you are. You always are.” He smiled genuinely at his best friend. They only one that had been there all these years.

“Good. Now that we are done with that, how about some Red Scare? It's been too long since we kicked some ass together on that.” He chuckled at her. Nothing will keep her down long.

“Of course, Charlie.”

After spending hours online with Charlie “kicking ass and taking names” they finally logged off and Cas was crawling into bed. He turned his phone back on while he was brushing his teeth and heard it chime several times. As he lay in bed he looked over. Three missed calls, two from Charlie before they Skyped, and one from Luci. He would have to call his brother back tomorrow. He also noticed that his text message notifications was lit up. 

Clicking on the messages he snorted at the ones from Gabe, sending him a quick message telling him that he would call him the next day on his lunch break.   
The other two were from Dean. He chewed his lip for a moment before opening the messages. 

_8:16pm Dean: Hey, I was wondering if maybe, you'd like to go out for a real date sometime? I probably should have asked you before you left._

_9:45pm Dean: Well, it's okay. I understand if you don't want to. Just thought I would ask. I did enjoy the time that we spent together. Have a good night, Castiel._

He sighed. He could send Dean a quick text telling him that he had just turned his phone back on. Just got the messages that he had sent hours ago. Maybe it would be best not to. Maybe he would talk to him tomorrow and just not respond to the question about going out on a real date. He hadn't been on a real date in a long time though. He put the phone on silent and laid it on the night stand. It didn't matter how tired he was, he tossed and turned for a long time before he finally fell into a fitful, restless sleep. 

It was still really early when he finally decided to get up for the day. He woke off and on through the night. After getting into his chair he grabbed his phone, ignoring the blinking light indicating that there was a new message waiting for him. He didn't feel like dealing with either of his brothers right now. He was pretty sure unless she sent a message after he went to bed that it was too early for Charlie to be texting since they were up late last night. 

After going through his morning routine his thoughts drifted back to Dean. It seemed like that was where his thoughts were all night when he couldn't sleep anyways. He knew what would happen. At least maybe he did. Maybe it wouldn't happen this time. One of these times it was bound to be different, right? Maybe it would be different with Dean. It certainly started out differently. He finally looked down at his phone and decided he was ready to deal with his brothers. Maybe they would provide a decent distraction from his thoughts. 

When he looked at the text message it wasn't from Gabe, or even Luci. It was from Dean. This morning. 

_6:45am Dean: Good morning! Had a dream about you so I woke up with you on my mind. Have a great day. :-)_

He couldn't help but smile. He didn't seem too put off that he didn't answer him last night. Maybe he would send him a message later. It was getting closer to lunch time, he didn't want to bother Dean during work hours. He would just wait until he figured it was his lunch time. 

*

Dean tried not to read too much into the fact that he hadn't heard anything from Cas since he went home the night before. He had sent two messages last night that, he realized after the fact, Cas may not have received because his phone had died before he left. So he sent a quick one this morning when he had woke up from a very vivid and erotic dream starring his neighbor. 

He smiled at the thought of the dream and even felt heat pool low in his belly when he thought about the reality of what had taken place over the weekend. When Dean woke up from the dream with his body hot and his erection throbbing, demanding attention, he had to touch himself. He drew it out with slow strokes, bringing himself to the very edge and then backing down, allowing himself to cool off just a little before doing it all over again. He didn't have the time to carry on that way too long before he had to shower, so killing two birds with one stone he painfully dragged himself to the verge of ecstasy before stopping and forcing himself to get in the shower. 

Once in the shower the hot water only made him painfully aware of the heavy cock throbbing with need. He washed his body thoroughly, avoiding his crotch until he was almost ready to rinse and get out. Finally lathering up his hands he started at the base and stroked up slowly, unable to keep that agonizing pace he used his other soapy hand to reach around to his tight hole and tease it. Imagining Cas with him touching him instead he was only able to slide one finger deep inside himself before he came hard on an upstroke, Cas' name escaping his lips. 

Dean shook his head ignoring the reappearance of his persistent erect penis pressing against the zipper of his slacks. 

“Just because you saw some action this weekend doesn't mean that you have to make yourself known every time I think about the man.” His head was down as he mumbled to his crotch. It was getting close to lunch time, Sam had wanted to have lunch with him as long as his case appointment didn't run late. No doubt wanting to hear all about his weekend with Cas. He could easily wrap up here right now and order lunch and meet his brother at his office. 

His phone chimed. He sighed, it was probably Sam telling him he couldn't make it. He shook his head with a small smile, his brother worked too hard. He picked his phone up and swiped his finger across the screen only to feel his eager member twitch as he saw Cas' name lighting it up. He quickly opened the message pressing his hand against his pants trying to calm the beast. 

_11:50am Cas: Dean, sry for the lack of responses. Phone was off until morning. Do tell me about this dream of yours. ;-)_

He chuckled. He knew that if he told him about the dream now he may not be able to leave his office to meet his brother. Not wanting to disappoint, maybe Cas would go for something a little more personal. 

_11:52am Dean: Not sure it is appropriate to tell you while I'm at work. Maybe I could come over tonight and give you all the details?_

_11:54am Cas: Only if you tell me, are they dirty details?_

_11:55am Dean: Very dirty. I can even tell you exactly how I handled myself this morning while thinking about you if you would like._

_11:58am Cas: Ur killin' me here. I need something to get me through the day. Sure I can't convince u to tell me now?_

Dean looked at the phone in his hand and pressed hard against his cock. He wasn't going to be able to leave this office like this and it didn't seem like it was going to go away unless he did something about it. He would have to do something to make it go away. He was about to be late to see his brother now.

_12:01pm Dean: I can't, I'm already going to be late meeting Sam for lunch. Don't think I should meet him sporting a healthy erection. ;-)_

_12:01pm Cas: Jesus Dean!_

_12:02pm Dean: Maybe if I have time I will call you after lunch. If not, I will see you tonight for sure. We can call it story time._

_12:04pm Cas: If I live that long. Makin' me crazy._

Dean quickly sat back and decided to think of every disgusting thing that he had ever encountered in his life. When that didn't work he thought of the one person that was sure to calm his heated body down. _Gordon._ Dean shivered and almost immediately felt the disgust overtake the arousal. Once he felt comfortable enough he stood up and went down stairs to make the quick walk to the restaurant that he and Sam made their regular lunch spot. 

Spotting their favorite server Anna she smiled at him and nodded to the table that, of course, his brother was already occupying. Sitting down he didn't bother picking up the menu and took a drink of the tea his brother had already ordered for him.

“I already ordered your meal, since it was obvious you were going to be late. Left the menu in case you wanted to look at the pie options, _again_ , like you haven't memorize them by now.” Sam looked up from his phone and smirked at him then put his phone on the table. 

“Thanks Sammy, you know me.” He set the menu aside anyway. 

“I would like to think I do, Dean.” His voice implied that Dean was holding back information from him. 

“What's that suppose to mean?” He squinted at his brother.

“How did things go with Castiel Saturday?” Sam's eyebrows raised and he gave him a knowing look. 

“That obvious?” He looked down willing the creep of a blush to stay below the collar of his shirt. 

“There was a certain...tension, between the two of you the entire time on Saturday. And with the way he looked at you like _you_ were dessert, I figured that when we left him on the porch with you he wasn't going to be going home right away.” He gave Dean a half grin making him rub the back of his neck and look away. Sam just nodded.

“So, one night stand?” Dean just looked at his brother stupidly until he realized how ridiculous that sounded. “So, you plan on seeing each other regularly....Or?”

Dean sighed and looked down avoiding his brothers prodding stare. Thankfully Anna took that time to deliver their lunches. After she set his burger down he looked up into her pretty face and smiled. He had thought about asking her out at one point. Now was probably not the time to do that. 

“Thanks Anna.” He offered with a sexy wink. She smiled wide at him showing beautiful white teeth. 

“My pleasure, Dean.” Her words made him think of Cas and he just nodded at her and looked back down at his burger as she left. Sam cleared his throat as he started to stab at his chicken salad, watching Dean expectantly, waiting for an answer. 

“I don't know, Sam. It wasn't exactly discussed at length. Even though he didn't go home until last night.” His voice dropped to a much quieter tone at that last sentence. When he looked up to his brother Sam was paused with his fork half way to his mouth and his eyes so wide Dean almost had to laugh. 

“That doesn't sound like nothing, Dean. Sure not a one night stand. One night stands are usually gone before you even wake up.” He finished bringing the fork to his mouth. Dean took this as his cue and took a huge bite of his delicious burger. Once Sam was done with the bit in his mouth he took a drink of his water then asked “If you two spent so much time together, how did the subject not come up? Or was it just...sex, the entire time?” Sam grimaced a little at the word sex making Dean laugh.

“Actually, other than right after waking up in the morning, there was very little sexual contact for the rest of the day. We just hung out. It was really, nice. Comfortable.” Dean smiled as he thought about it. Sam just watched him as he ate. 

“I sent him a text and asked him to go on a real date. When he didn't respond I sent another one telling him I understood not to worry about it. Apparently his phone was off though. He still hasn't mentioned it even though we have texted since then.” Dean tried to avoid the thoughts about what he was so close to telling Cas in text, or just calling him and telling him, because that _voice_ did things to him. 

“Maybe a text message isn't the best way to ask someone to go on a date with you, Dean. I know you have been out of practice for a while, but I think you should probably ask him face to face, or at the very least over a phone call. Not a text. Might get a better response.” He finished the last of his salad as Dean was finishing up his burger and fries. Thoughtful, maybe that is what he would do when he saw Cas after he went home. 

They left Anna a sizable tip, as usual, and promised to meet for coffee tomorrow. When he got back to the office he ran into Benny coming in the direction of his office. 

“Benny! What's up man?” He smiled at his friend.

“I was just looking for you man. I just had to tell you all about Saturday.” His blue eyes sparkled and Dean laughed at him. Come on into my office, I've got a few minutes left before my lunch hour is up. As they walked back into Dean's office he thought Cas was just going to have to settle for hearing all about his dream once he got home.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning, this is a very short chapter. It is only from Cas' PoV.   
> I couldn't find a decent stopping point further on without making this a very long chapter and I don't have time for that at the time of posting this.   
> Be prepared for tomorrow though. I will be posting a bit of a longer chapter. I will probably post it early since I am hoping to have the editing done tonight.

He smiled when he heard the knock on his door. He ran his hands through his hair before answering the door to find the tall, sexy, green eyed man standing before him on his porch. He wheeled back and swept his arm to gesture him inside. 

“Hello, Dean.” He smiled up at the man. Holy hell he was beautiful. 

“Hiya, Cas.” There was tension there. Dean bit his lip and Cas wanted so badly for him to bend over so he could kiss those delicious lips again. They just stood there staring at one another for a moment before someone clearing their throat made Dean jump. 

“Hey there, Dean.” Gabe had a knowing smile on his lips and Cas shot him a look. 

“Hi there Gabe. It's good to see you again.” 

“You too.” Gabe let his eyes slowly wander the length of Dean's body and Cas glared at him feeling the heat of jealousy building in his stomach. 

“Gabe here was just headed home, Dean. Right, _Gabe_?” He knew his brother got the message. _Back off._

“Yeah, just headed out. See ya guys.” He clapped Cas on the shoulder and gave Dean a seductive wink before squeezing past him too close for Cas' liking. He knew his brother could feel the heat of his gaze on his back as he left and shut the door. Dean's chuckle brought him back to himself and he looked up. 

“Your brother is something, isn't he?” Dean smiled down at Cas with a twinkle in those amazing eyes.

“Yeah, if _something_ is the word you want to use.” he smiled back, how could he not? “You want something to drink, Dean?” He watched Dean fidget for a moment and could tell he was nervous about their scheduled “story time” and wheeled towards the kitchen before Dean could see his amusement. Dean followed and took a beer from him when it was offered. 

Much to Cas' dismay Dean took a seat at the kitchen table and opened the beer watching him. So he took a spot across from him where there was no chair so he could easily slide up to the table. He gave Dean a pointed look that told him he was all ears and ready to listen. 

“So, I promised you a story.” It was adorable the way the red crept up his chest. Even after sharing their bodies in the most intimate ways possible he was still blushing. Cas was tickled by that. 

“That you did. And from what I gathered it is going to be a very exhilarating one indeed.” He raised an eye brow and slowly licked at his lips, watching as Dean's eyes followed the movement of his tongue and his pupils dilating. 

“Yeah.” His voice had lowered and sounded a bit breathy and Cas was instantly hard. “There wasn't a whole lot I could remember, but it was definitely stimulating.” Dean then launched into a too short story, with good details, about the dream he remembered.

_Cas was sitting in a garden enjoying the day when Dean found him. He came up behind him and kissed his neck. A shiver ran down Cas' spine, Dean ran his hands down his arms to hold him gently. Cas turns his head to allow Dean better access to his mouth._

_While Dean is letting his hands explore very intimate parts of Cas' body he slowly and very sensually licks his way into his mouth. Coaxing a moan from him Dean can feel his cock throbbing, rock hard, ready to take his lover._

_Voice rough with desire he whispers “We need to go inside, I have to have you. Now.”_  
The positive response is lost as a moan into Dean's mouth.   
Suddenly the heavens open up and a warm rain falls down upon them.   
Every touch, caress, kiss, whisper lost in the wind, is enhanced with the water that is seemingly heating their skin.   
They will never make it inside.   
Dean picks up his now naked lover and holds him against his own naked body.   
Hands griping his ass, mouth biting, licking, and marking Cas' neck, shoulders, collarbone, anywhere it can reach.   
He presses his back against the wall of their bungalow and slowly begins to finger him open, the slow speed of his fingers contradicting the passionate hurried need of his lips and his cock slotted and rubbing against Cas'.   
Finally Cas, unable to take anymore, begs desperately for Dean to take him, fill him claim him as his. 

_Lifting Cas, Dean grips himself and carefully finds exactly where he wants to be most. His other arm slowly sliding Cas down, letting gravity help push him onto his hardness. Finally he is fully buried deep inside._

_They stay there like that for what seems like forever. Neither wanting to move as they feel themselves joined so intimately the rain falling down on them heightening every move they make._

_Finally when he grips his ass and slides him back up it is like fireworks exploding as they both move, Dean fucking up into him deep and hard, hitting Castiel's prostate with every thrust._

_Castiel slides those long slender fingers gently around his own cock and lets his hand move in time with Dean's hips as those green eyes watch with fascination._

_Finally both of them crying out, their declarations of passion lost in the storm around them, Cas marking them both on their chests with his come, and Dean claiming Cas deep inside his body._

By the time Dean had finished it was clear they were both flustered and ready to tear each others clothes off. 

“So what did you do to alleviate the outcome of the dream?” Dean's grin was almost predatory as he got up and stalked toward him. 

“How about I demonstrate on you exactly what I did?” He leaned over and licked Cas' lips enticingly and pulled away before Cas could capture those lips in a kiss. 

“Follow me, Dean.” He left the bottle of beer on the table and lead him to his bedroom. Before he even stopped to look at Dean he heard his low voice practically growling to him. “Get on the bed Cas.” From that moment on he knew he was lost. He turned himself over to Dean's attentions. 

When Dean was finally kind enough to allow him release they were both sweaty and spent. He grinned over at the man naked next to him. Eyes closed, chest rising and falling heavily as he tried to catch his breath and slow his heart back down. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath. This was really going to happen. He sent up a silent prayer that it would be okay this time. 

Dean looked over at him and smiled brightly. He lifted his head and looked at the clock on the table next to them. He groaned a little, “I should get home. I need to get to bed.” 

Before Cas had the chance to even try to invite him to stay he was rolling away and standing up. 

“Hey, Cas? Umm...I was wondering...” He began dressing hastily while talking, and it seemed like he was avoiding looking at Cas. “This Friday, would you like to go to dinner? On a date?” He picked up his shoes and dared a glance over to Cas who was smiling at him in amusement. He knew that he couldn't say no. Especially after the last few days. 

“Of course, Dean. I would love that.” The smile that broke across Dean's face was worth what ever doubts may have crossed his mind. 

“Awesome.” He leaned over and kissed him one more time, deeply and passionately. “Good night.” He winked at Cas and left the room. As soon as he heard the front door close he let out a loud groan. 

“Fuuuuuck.” He had no idea what he was about to get himself into.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay getting this chapter up. It is a bit longer than the last one so I hope that you all enjoy. I will try on working on making sure chapter six goes up tomorrow. If not, again, my apologies, but I am going to try to focus on actually getting the whole thing done.

The rest of the week went by dangerously fast for Dean. He knew he was more upbeat at work, Benny had finally dragged it out of him over lunch and had clapped him on the back, congratulating him for getting back in the saddle. By the time Friday came around he was a bundle of nerves. He wasn't exactly sure why, since there were two more nights that week he had made it over to Castiel's house and left completely sated. 

He sat at his desk looking up to the clock on the wall but not really seeing it at all, wondering if tonight they were going to move past astounding hand jobs and mind altering blow jobs again. He hadn't been inside Cas since that first night and Cas hadn't pushed for more. He grinned, he wasn't sure they had the self control the last few times to move past the hands and mouths. Tonight he wanted to though. 

“You better be ready Castiel Novak, tonight I'm going to have you again.” The clock just ticked closer to the end of the day in response. 

When he finally left work he had a hard time concentrating on the road ahead of him. He was excited and nervous all at once. He laughed out loud in the empty car. “No reason for the nerves Winchester. It's not like you two don't get along.” He grinned, “Or haven't had _amazing_ sex.” 

He pulled into the driveway and looked over to the building that currently housed the man he couldn't wait to take to dinner and then bring home and get his hands all over. He got out of the car and left the roses in the seat, he'd bring them over when he went next door to pick up his date.

An hour and a half later he was standing in front of Cas' door with the flowers and sweaty palms. He couldn't believe he was as nervous as he was. This was the first date he had been on in literally years though. That is probably where the nerves are coming from. Nothing to do with the man on the other side of the door and the way he has been affecting him since he came into his life. 

He took one more deep breath and rang the door bell. Shifting his weight from side to side as he waited for his date. As soon as he heard the door handle turn he took one more calming breath and looked down into blue eyes that took his breath away. Cas was dressed in a suit and the shirt matched his eyes. He finally gathered his thoughts, closed his mouth and handed the flowers over to the sexy man before him. 

Cas just took the flowers and smiled at him. Dean couldn't help himself and leaned over to capture the lips that were waiting for him. He barely resisted the temptation to deepen the kiss but just barely. Cas' eyes were closed when he pulled away and when he opened them to meet Dean's eye they were shining with teasing humor. 

“Let me put these in some water then we can go.” Cas went off into the direction of the kitchen. Dean closed the door and stood in the entryway. He didn't trust himself to go further into the house. If he did they may not make their dinner reservations.

He really wanted to do this right. He liked Cas. Probably more than he should after only knowing him a week. He hadn't felt this way about a guy since Bal, most definitely hadn't thought about having a proper relationship with a man since Gordon. If he was going to do this though, he might as well jump feet first and do it. He just hoped that Cas felt the same way. He also hoped that Cas was nothing like Gordon. He tried not to think too much on it though. 

As soon as they got seated in the restaurant he looked over at his date and smiled, watching him as he looked over the menu. He worried his bottom lip between his teeth as he thought about the sinful things that he wanted to do to him. The way he looked dressed like that, how he would look as Dean slowly took each item of clothing off of him, teasing and touching his body as he went, he could feel himself getting hard and was thankful that he had that cloth napkin in his lap.

When the server came by to take their orders, they handed off the menus and just stared at one another. 

“How was your day, Dean?” Cas' lips curled up at the corners and his tongue quickly darted out to moisten them. Nearly making Dean forget the question that was asked mere moments ago. 

“It went as well as it could. My mind was a little distracted today. How was your day?” He gave Castiel one of his best smiles and tried to focus only on his blue eyes so that he wouldn't get lost in fantasies again. Cas chuckled and in that deep sinful voice, going even lower now, asked “What were you so distracted by today, Dean?” He even tilted his head to the side, a gesture that Dean was becoming more familiar with and found it was becoming harder to resist answering when he did it.

“I don't know if now is the right time to tell you all those sordid details, Novak. It was hard enough having them occupy my mind while I was trying to get work done today.” He knew his voice had dropped an octave at least to match the sultry sounds coming from his date when he spoke. He could see that Cas was also affected by it the way his breath hitched and he pulled his bottom lip in. Dean wasn't going to be the first to break eye contact. So he just smiled when his dinner partner let go of his bottom lip, pressed them together and looked down into his glass as he took a sip of his wine.

The rest of the evening passed in pleasant enough, if not sexually frustrated, fashion. They both felt comfortable with one another as the learned about each others lives. Cas told Dean about his other other brother Lucifer and his wife Naomi, how he stayed with them before finally moving here. 

“Wait, so let me get this right, you have a brother named _Lucifer_?” Cas laughed 

“Yes, Lucifer was an angel, Dean. Gabriel and I are also named for angels. I guess my parents were a little more, easy going when they named Luci though. Most of the time through school he went by his middle name, Nick. It wasn't until he was older that he really embraced his name.” 

Dean told Cas all about how Bobby and Ellen had pretty much raised him and Sam after their parents death. He choose not to dwell on the tragedy of his parents passing, but on the wonder that was growing up with Bobby and Ellen. 

“You saw them, they are a fun couple. Bobby really likes to think that he is in charge, but we all know that what Ellen says goes.” They continued to talk and make one another laugh, Dean decided that he wanted to make Cas laugh more often. The sound twisted in his chest, even when he tried not to think too much on it. Soft touches of hands as they spoke and lingering glaces that were far too intimate for a dinner setting eventually led Dean to looking at his watch. 

“Well, Cas. Maybe we should head out?” All Dean could really think about was getting him home and under him. He tried not to let that show but the look in Cas' eyes said he was thinking the same thing. 

“Dean, I would like nothing more.” 

On the drive home they made small talk eventually Cas had unbuckled his belt and slide to sit flush against Dean. It took Dean everything he had to concentrate on the road and not the warm body next to him, whose hand was slowly creeping up his thigh. “Cas...” Dean growled in warning. The only response that he received was a warm tongue that licked the side of his neck from his collar to the spot behind his ear that Cas quickly realized was one of the places to lave attention if he wanted to get Dean to pretty much do anything for him.

Dean's knuckles turned white as he gripped the wheel harder trying to focus and ignore the hand that was now cupping his dick, which was straining against his dress pants. It was almost impossible when Cas started whispering in his ear, voice dripping with sex, “Dean, I want to lick your entire body. I need to taste every inch of you. I want-” his words were cut off when Dean pulled over to the shoulder of the dark deserted highway. 

He was unbuckled and on him in a moment. Kissing him hard as he pressed Castiel's body between his and the door. All Cas could do was moan into Dean's mouth and desperately touch his body pulling at his clothes to search out skin to touch. 

Dean dipped his head and kissed and nipped the sensitive area of his neck then pulled a dark mark right next to his Adams apple. He pulled back and stared at Cas. “Buckle up and stay on your side until we get home.” He growled out. “I will take care of you, but only if you do as I say.” He saw the blue eyed man shiver with the command and nodded as he leaned his mouth up to kiss his again. 

Dean couldn't even be upset at him. He was happy to know that he affected Cas as much as Cas did him. He was also pretty sure that he may have broken a few laws to make it back home in the record time that they did. 

When they finally got back to his house he couldn't help but tease “So drop you off at your house with a good night kiss and a promise to do this again?” his tone was playful as he raised one of his eye brows as he stared into the heated blue gaze. He was almost caught off guard when he heard that deep aroused voice “Of course, Dean.” 

He grinned when he realized that it was a joke. He unbuckled and slid over removing the buckle from the other man and pulling him close, pressing his face into his neck, right below his ear, and taking a deep breath, taking in the smell that he has become accustomed to know as _Cas_. Leaving a trail of kissing across his strong jaw line, across his cheek and finally finding his lips. He let the kiss stay soft and sweet as he held him close. 

“Dean.” His voice was so low Dean couldn't help but smile against his lips. “Yes?” His own voice wasn't fairing so well he noticed. “We need to get inside, unless you are fond of semi public sex in your back seat?” Letting out a gruff laugh he pulled away. “As fun as that sounds, right now I want more than just a quick tumble in the back seat.” 

Once inside they made it to Dean's room and were tangled together quickly. Dean slowly removed each item of Cas' clothing as he has wanted to do all night. Kissing, licking, and teasing every piece of flesh that he exposed. By the time he was done the blue in his eyes was barely visible and he was trembling below Dean. He moved to his lips and kissed him deeply, biting his bottom lip and sucking it into his mouth. “Cas, I want to be inside you again. I want to make you feel amazing. Will you let me?” He knew his voice must sound rough with need but apparently Cas couldn't even use his voice just nodded up at him

Smiling Dean kissed his way slowly back down the tight body under him paying special attention to the areas that made Cas breath deeper or moan softly. He licked and nipped his way around his lower abdomen and completely avoided the dripping purple cock that was twitching before his face. He grabbed his thighs and licked them and bit them softly as he pushed them up opening and exposing the sensitive tight hole. Leaning down he took his tongue and softly he licked around the puckered flesh and smiled when Cas groaned deeply.

Holding his own legs Cas was giving Dean the freedom to touch and massage his plump cheeks as he pulled them a little further apart as his tongue teased at his hole. His body opened for him minutely as it quivered under the silky warmth of his tongue. Pressing his mouth against him he kissed and licked at his lover knowing he was making him come undone. Stiffening his tongue he slowly pressed it into him, feeling his muscles shudder and give as he licked and tongued him open. Hearing the way Cas had given up trying to keep his moans in only made his own cock twitch and he moaned against him. He knew that he wouldn't be able to last long if he didn't get inside him soon. 

He heard Cas let a whimper out when he left for only a moment to retrieve the lube and a condom, he was back quickly and continued with his tongue, bringing one hand up and gently probing one finger deep inside him as he licked around the tight pucker that was slowly relaxing around his finger. He popped the cap on the lube and put a generous amount on the rest of his fingers and as soon as he could he started to work another one inside. 

After admiring the man for a moment he licked his way up. Taking his sac in his mouth, gently sucking it as he worked his fingers in and out, stretching him, making him come apart for him. Pulling back slightly he grinned and licked slowly up the large vein to the very swollen, dripping, head. He could feel how hard and needy he was. Bringing his other hand up and stroking him, watching the skin slide over him almost made Dean come undone himself. 

Hearing the completely wrecked voice brought him back to himself “Dean, I need to touch you.” A smile spread across his face and he moved his lips up to capture Cas'. Breathing into him he wanted to give in, let Cas touch him, give him everything that he wanted, but he had his own plans for tonight. 

“Not yet, lover. Just behave and keep your hands on the bed. You can touch soon enough.” Giving one more chaste kiss to those lips ,dry from panting, he moved back down. He worked another finger inside and couldn't resist anymore, licked and sucked down the impossibly hard cock. Taking him down deep and teasing with his tongue as he took his complete length down into his throat earned him a broken guttural moan.

He tightened his fingers around the base to keep him from releasing too soon. Dean wanted to be buried deep inside him before making him come. He wanted to feel it. All of him. Just thinking about it made him moan deeply around the cock in his mouth, sending sweet vibrations through Cas, making him whimper. Working a forth finger into him as he lazily sucked and teased only made Cas begin to beg. “Dean...please. I need...” 

He pulled back, “What do you need, Cas? Tell me.” 

Between moans and whimpers he tried to answer “Inside me...please. I need you.”

He smiled up to him, his body was shiny with sweat already, eyes closed, hair a complete mess where he was moving his head back and forth. The whimper, that was closer to a cry, that left those beautiful lips as he slowly pulled his fingers out made his need to be inside him grow. Grabbing the bottle and generously lubing his covered cock up he leaned over his neighbor. 

“Cas. Look at me.” He waited as those blue eyes tried to focus on his. He caught his lips again as he lined himself up, pulling back to hold eye contact with him. He needed the connection as they joined so intimately. 

Grabbing his hips, watching his face, he pressed into him. Stopping as he felt the muscles allow him in, giving Cas time to adjust. As soon as Cas was relaxed enough he pressed in further, until he was seated completely inside, watching as those nearly black eyes rolled back and a moan escaped. Dean's fingers tightened hard on the hips below him, knowing he would probably have fingerprint sized bruises tomorrow. He didn't have time to feel bad about it when Cas rolled his hips just slightly, pulling a moan out of his lungs. 

“Move, Dean. Please.” he sounded completely gone. How could he deny this man? 

He pulled back and before pulling completely out moved back inside him. Pressing hard and deep, surrounding himself with the smooth warmth of _Cas_ , moving his hips up and pulling him as close as possible. 

“Oh fuck, Cas. Don't move. I don't know how long I will be able to make this last. You are so tight, feel so good.” Holding the smaller man there flush against him he felt his muscles clench around him and threw his head back groaning. “You play dirty.” He chuckled.  
Taking a deep breath to steady himself and focus on his lover he pulled back out and snapped his hips hard back in. Hearing the dirty noises falling from Cas' mouth he repeated the action, again and again. “Dean, I need to...” He pleaded with his eyes. 

“You can touch yourself.” He thrust back in deeper hitting the sweet spot as Cas cried out before he even began to touch himself. Holding that angle he fucked into his tight, wet, channel, hard and deep.

“Dean... I'm..” He bit his lip hard straining his back up. 

“Come for me, lover.” he was barely holding onto the edge himself. 

Hearing that voice, pure sex, screaming his name as he covered his chest in thick white ropes of liquid, his hole clenching and quivering around him, pushed him over. 

“DEAN!” He slammed deep into him one more time and held his hips tight against him as he released deep inside him. 

“Oh, fuck, Cas!” Unable to hold himself up on his shaky legs and let himself slide out of Cas as he collapsed onto him, not caring at all about the sticky mess that was now covering both of them. 

Nuzzling into his neck again he let his hand find Cas' entwining their fingers and just breathing him in. 

“I didn't know it was able to get better than how amazing it felt the first time.” He chuckled then laid kisses on his throat. He felt Cas' other hand come up and wrap around him, pulling him closer into his body. “I am sure that there is plenty we can do to make every time better than the last, Dean.” He smiled up at him. The promise that there would be more sent a thrill through him. 

“I have no doubt of that.” He kissed his lovers lips softly, closing his eyes and enjoying the sensation of their lips pressed together. 

“Next time, I get to be the one in control. I told you tonight that I wanted to taste you. Every single succulent inch.” Cas managed to give him one of the hottest looks he had seen, looking completely debauched.

“Yes, sir.” He kissed his lips one more time then took a slightly shaky breath and pushed himself up. “I'll be right back, sexy.”

*

With a wink, the amazing man that just rocked his world walked towards the bathroom,. He watched him go, staring at the muscle of his back and that amazing ass as it swayed while he walked away. 

“Next time is your turn.” He grinned and laid back against the pillows again.  
He heard Dean chuckle, “We will see.”

“What have I got myself into?” He felt a pull in his chest and knew that it wouldn't take long for this to grow. 

Dean returned with a wash cloth and cleaned him up completely. Throwing the cloth to his laundry basket Cas did his best to move his completely spent body and provide enough room to allow Dean next to him. He knew that Dean enjoyed cuddling as much as he did. So they both positioned themselves so they were as tangled as possible. Dean kissed and kitten licked the side of his neck where his face was buried. 

“You're amazing.” He felt Dean's smile against his skin where his mouth was still pressed. His words caught him off guard and he tried not to tense at them. 

“Not so much, you though...” He turned his head and searched out the lips he wanted to kiss, after pulling apart and just breathing one another in he remembered he was saying something “You are incredible.” 

It wasn't long before he found Dean fast asleep against him. His chest moving in slow rhythm as his breathing evened out. He let his hands slowly and softly explore the body he wasn't allowed to touch earlier. He grinned and whispered to Dean, 

“It looks like you take control easily in the bedroom.” He grinned down at the sleeping figure curled against him.

“I just wonder how well you would submit.” He kissed the crown of that dark blond hair, while pondering when it would be appropriate to bring up that possibility he let the warmth of the night lull him to slumber. 

He was alone when reached over for Dean. He opened his eyes wide and sat up looking around. He quickly quelled the panic in his chest, knowing that he was warm and comfortable in _Dean's_ bed so he hadn't been left alone.

He heard noise coming from the kitchen so he got himself in his chair and went to freshen up in the bathroom before grabbing a clean pair of Dean's boxers and managing them on. He headed out to the sounds in the kitchen before he heard Dean talking, it sounded like a one sided conversation, he was probably talking to Sam on the phone. 

“Yeah, I know. Okay, Sammy.” What ever Sam said made him chuckle. He was about to make his presence known so he wouldn't feel like he was ease dropping when the next words out of Dean's mouth stopped him, “Cas is amazing, dude. I know it's only been a week, but” He took a deep breath “I really want to see, whatever this is between him and I, I want to see if it could be _something_.” 

Dean thought he was _amazing_? He shook his head, he didn't understand there was nothing special about him, he definitely wasn't _amazing_ as Dean apparently thought. He would probably figure that out sooner rather than later though.

It was silent for a short while before Dean spoke again. “Yeah, I don't need to be reminded, Sam. I am not-” Dean must not have liked what his brother had interrupted with because he gave an irritated sigh.

“Yeah, I know Lisa was a long time ago. And do I need to remind you that after I told you about him, _you_ were the one that suggested I invite him over to get to know him? I wasn't _looking_ for anything but a friend, Sam. There's just...” His sigh seemed happier this time and it made Cas smile “something about him. The way that we get along, the way that we can just _be_ we don't even have to talk, it won't be uncomfortable or anything. I never really even had that with Lisa. Or _Gordon_ for that matter.”

The way he said the name Gordon with such distaste and annoyance made Cas want to know who this person was to Dean, obviously someone he was with before, he wanted to know what _Gordon_ did to make Dean speak his name in such a manner. He hoped that Dean would never say his name like that. Even if...

“Yeah, alright. We can talk about it Monday at lunch. Do not cancel on me, or we won't talk about it at all.” He chuckled once more and since it sounded like the conversation was wrapping up he rolled into the kitchen to make his presence known. That and he really wanted coffee. When Dean saw him his face lit up and he was rewarded with one of his amazing smiles that made his chest ache. 

“Okay, listen, I have to go, Sammy. Talk to you later.” 

He hung the phone up and turned the stove off before pouring a cup of coffee and leaning down to kiss him deeply before handing him the hot mug. 

“Good morning.” His voice was deep and the way he was looking at Cas spoke of all the things he wanted to do to him. 

“Good morning, Dean.” He smiled up at him and brought his coffee to the table where he added sugar and cream before taking a nice long drink. He watched Dean as he finished what he suspected, by the smell, was a delicious breakfast, and contemplated the intelligence of asking Dean who Gordon was or if he should trust that it would eventually come up. 

“How did you sleep?” Dean asked as he set a plate in front of him and looked down at him with desire plain on his face. 

“Like a rock, Dean. My new neighbor utterly exhausted me last night. Couldn't have a bad nights sleep after that.” He grinned up at him as he bit his bottom lip and Cas couldn't resist reaching up and pulling him down for another kiss. 

“You do that again we might not get to eat breakfast while it is still warm, Cas.” His spoke the words into his mouth, so Cas licked at his lips and then released him. Watching him walk back to the kitchen and get his own plate before sitting right next to him. 

“Cas, since I never had the chance to ask last night, I was wondering, if maybe you'd like to have a second date with me?” Cas just laughed. 

“Dean, I would love to. If you only think it necessary.” Dean looked at him curiously. 

“Why wouldn't I think it necessary?” 

He laughed again. “Dean, we slept together before you even asked me out on a date. The simple fact that you still asked me after, speaks volumes about you. I would love another date, but...” He spoke again quickly when he saw worry crease Dean's brow, “I already know I, want you. I don't need dates at fancy places to get to know you. Or to just, spend time, with you.” He offered him a reassuring smile. 

“I still want to take you out. Even if it is to my favorite burger place.” He looked down at his plate and then back up to Cas with worry in his eyes, “I want to do this right, Cas. Date nights and everything.” Cas just shook his head and grinned at him. 

“Alright, Dean.” They ate in companionable silence. He noticed that Dean was right. They didn't have to fill the silence to feel comfortable with one another. He hadn't really noticed that before. He never had that. Even Michael had to talk non stop about current events or his business. He furrowed his brow at the thought of Michael. He tried not to think about him. 

“Hey, what you thinking so hard on?” Dean took a sip of his own coffee after finishing his breakfast and looked at him over his mug, his eyes full of concern. He just relaxed and shook his head again, 

“Nothing. Just...nothing.” Dean raised his brow at him as if he wasn't so sure he was convinced about that. He could tell the moment he decided to let it go though because his green eyes lit up and he leaned over a little. 

“Hey, I'm going to shower. Care to join me?” the heat in his voice sent a shiver down his spine. 

“Oh yes.” 

Cas had not had shower sex since before the accident, but he learned quickly that Dean had incredible upper body strength and was very creative at getting exactly what he wanted bringing them both to an incredible climax before the hot water even ran out. 

Cas wondered to himself as they dressed how it could be that luck would put him next door to this marvelous man who was so caring and obviously not a bit concerned with the fact that Cas was missing most of his legs. Maybe that is why it was so different between them. Dean didn't treat him like his legs were missing. He just saw _'Cas'_ and never thought it was an inconvenience. At least if he did he never once showed it. 

He worried though. How long would it last. How long until he saw him for what he really was? He hoped that he could just enjoy it while it lasted. 

Once dressed, again borrowing fresh clothes from Dean, loving the smell of him on the well worn cotton band shirt, he kissed Dean deep and passionate before headed towards the door. 

“Thank you for the date, Dean. I had an unbelievably good night, and morning.” Dean cocked his head at him. 

“Where you headed?” 

A smile playing on his lips he looked over to Dean, “Oh I thought I would go for a jog.”

Dean's laughter was immediate. He followed Cas out the door. “You get those uhh... what are they called, runner blades, we can go out jogging.” Cas just laughed, happy that Dean felt comfortable enough to make a joke.

He walked with him all the way to his door. “Since it looks like this is the official end to our date, do I get to kiss you at your door?” A smile played at the corners of his mouth. 

Unable to resist him, or those tempting lips, Cas reached up and pulled him down, crashing their lips together, it was all hot, sloppy, and biting but he was sure that he got his point across. He was more than happy with the 'end' of this date.

He could only smile when Dean was panting, catching his breath, when he let him go. “Thank you again, Dean. Text me later and we can figure out when would be best for our next date.”

“Why not tonight?” his voice was strained with obvious arousal. 

“I would love to, but I think that my brother has plans to take me around town to show me the sites. I think it is just his way of being able to party with me. Sure enough he will end up dragging me to some club.” He could tell that Dean was trying to hid his disappointment but accepted it and just nodded.

“Okay. I'll text you later.” Dean gave him another soft press of lips not deepening it and turned to leave. 

Once they were both safely in their own homes Cas ran his hand over his face “I am so fucked.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to warn you there is a gratuitous amount of texting in this chapter. At least, more so than any other chapters that you have or will encounter.

Over the next several months Dean couldn't have been happier. He and Cas had been spending most of their free time together. Dean had stopped putting in so many over time and weekend hours, too. Cas was able to do his work pretty much when ever he wanted. As a game developer he spent a lot of time at the computer so Dean made it his personal mission to get Cas out side more often. He wouldn't tell anyone else but having the corner lot and Cas as his neighbor gave to some incredibly interesting times in his back yard. 

Neither of them had any tan lines though. 

The weather was getting cooler and Dean was delighted. As much as he loved the summer there was something about autumn that always made him happy. He was especially cheerful today, he was going to ask Cas to go away with him for the weekend. He had found this amazing getaway in the mountains that offered a lovely lake view and he just couldn't resist it. He was anxious for work to be over.

Thankfully his lunch with Sammy was coming up soon so at least he would be getting out of the office. Lunch with Sammy always made the time go by faster. And maybe Sam could help him alleviate some of his nerves on asking Cas to go. 

Soon enough he found himself sitting at his favorite place waiting on his brother for once. He already ordered. Temped as he may have been to order a burger for his brother he didn't. He smiled at his brother as he sat down. 

“You're early. What's wrong?” His brother gave him a questioning look. 

“Maybe you're late for once.” the retort was lame, at best, he knew. 

Sam just snickered. “I'm never late, Dean. You know that. What's going on?” 

He fidgeted with his napkin under the table. “I already ordered for us.” The skeptical look that he received had him quickly adding, “I didn't order you a burger. Besides, I'm pretty sure that if I tried, Anna would change it anyway.” They both smiled knowing their favorite server knew them well enough that his comment was true. 

“Spit it out, Dean. What's going on with you?” Sam waited patiently. He was never sure where he got that patience to out wait Dean on these matters, but he could. He would just sit there, without saying a word, watching you until you crumbled and told him. He smiled knowing that whenever he and Jess had kids, they didn't stand a chance at pulling one over on their dad. It was part of what made him such an amazing lawyer. Normally he would walk away from the look if he didn't want to talk about it. 

Today, he really wanted to. 

“Okay, Sammy. So I'm going to ask Cas to go away with me for the weekend. I found a cabin up by the lake with an amazing view and it's perfect for a getaway.” He huffed it out. 

Sammy laughed, “And?” he raised an eyebrow at Dean over his water glass. 

“And? Sammy, This is a big step for us, for our relationship, what if he doesn't want to go? What if he has other plans?” Sammy just gave a full body laugh at his brother. They waited for Anna to leave their lunch, smiling sweetly at Dean as she did, before Sammy spoke again. 

“Dean, seriously? You're nervous about this? You two spend every free moment together. Most weekends are at your house or his. And unless you plan on going immediately, I doubt he has any other plans. If he does, there is a 99% chance they involve you anyway.” Sam began to eat ignoring his brothers look. 

“You think there is a 1% chance he has plans that don't involve me?” Sam just laughed and almost choked on his salad. 

“Relax, Dean. You have nothing to worry about. Anyone, even someone without eyes, can see how crazy you two are about each other. I mean, you have it _bad_ man. I don't know Cas like I know you, but there is no hiding the fact that he feels the same. I doubt you have anything to worry about.” 

With those words, Dean relaxed a little more. “Yeah, you're probably right. Besides, the trip isn't for another week.”

He settled into more relaxed and comfortable conversation after that while they ate, happy that he had his brother to talk him out of his head sometimes. Cas wouldn't say no. He would love the idea. 

After work he found himself with a smile ready to see Cas. He had printed out the brochure for the cabin that had the beautiful pictures with the lake view. Despite Sam's words earlier he was feeling a little nervous about it again. He had asked Cas over for dinner at his place and was going to talk to him about it then. He found himself two beers in before Cas had arrived. It helped calm his nerves. 

Leaning over and taking his boyfriends lips in his he couldn't help the moan that escaped into his mouth.

“Hi, lover. I missed you.” He winked at him before shutting the door and turning towards the dining room. 

Cas just gave one of his deep low laughs, “You saw me this morning, Dean.” 

He smiled down to the blue eyes staring at his green and felt the familiar warmth and tightness in his chest he always feels where Cas is concerned. 

“Yeah, but it wasn't long enough for me. I was having withdrawals by noon.” Cas laughed again his eyes crinkling up the way Dean loved. 

“That was just you needing a burger.” He pulled Dean back down for another deep kiss. “Now let's have dinner before you start having 'withdrawals' again.” 

“Won't happen, not now that I have you here.” He grinned at Cas as they went to the table to eat.

They were about half way through dinner when Dean finally asked Cas about the cabin. “So, what are your plans next weekend?” He thought it best not to lead with the cabin. 

Cas looked at him like he was crazy, “Dean, barring any major life event or natural disaster, I will most likely be here with you all weekend. Why?” Dean took a calming breath. 

“I was just wondering if you would like to maybe go spend the weekend out at the lake. I found an amazing cabin that I thought we could stay in and just, get away. From everything. From everyone. Just us.” He slid the brochure over to Cas. 

With his fork hovering over his potatoes, Cas looked down at the paper next to his plate, just staring at it. 

Long enough to make Dean really nervous. 

“Cas?” He just kept looking at the paper. 

“Castiel.” He finally looked up to Dean. 

“You okay?” 

He blinked the dazed look from his eyes, “Yeah, umm I'm fine.” 

Dean, sensing the tension and reluctance finally said, “Cas, we don't have to go. It's fine. Don't even worry about it. I just thought that it would be nice to get away from home for a weekend.” He went to retrieve the paper when Cas' hand on his stopped him. 

“No, Dean, it's fine. I just wasn't expecting this. Is all.” He looked up and offered Dean a smile that didn't seem to really meet his eyes. 

“It is beautiful, we should go.” Dean smiled hesitantly but sat back in his chair and they finished the meal with Dean telling Cas everything they most likely wouldn't end up doing at the cabin. 

Cas stayed fairly quiet through the rest of dinner. He helped clean up and gave Dean a kiss that didn't hold it's usual passion. That was what worried Dean the most.

“You wanna stay the night?” He had hope in his voice when he said this only to have it crumble when Cas just shook his head. 

“I have a date with Charlie.” That had made Dean feel a little better. He had met Cas' best friend and they hit it off right away. Dean really liked her. 

Smiling huge he walked with Cas to the door. “Tell her I said hi and that she really needs to come by again.” He leaned over and kissed Cas, trying to relay, in that one kiss, all the things that he feels for him, all the things that he can't find the words to say. Not yet anyway.

“Good night, lover. I will miss holding you tonight.” A small smile crossed Cas' face.

“Good night, Dean.” 

As Dean watched his blue eyed boyfriend enter his house a shiver went down his spine.

*

As soon as he logged on and took the call from Charlie he knew she could tell something was wrong.

“Cas, tell me.” He tried to avoid looking up, 

“Tell you what, Charlie?” She scoffed. 

“Don't do this, look at me, I know something is up. I can see it in your eyes. Don't try to deny it I've known you too long.” He sighed at looked up at her. 

“Dean asked me to go on a weekend getaway with him next weekend, to some beautiful cabin with an even more beautiful view over looking the lake.” 

“Uh oh.” She just bit her lip and hesitated “Well, it sounds...romantic.” He looked away again. 

“Yeah, Charlie. Very much so. I told him yes of course.” He looked back up at her. 

“Have you talked to Dean, yet? About, everything?” He knew she was being nice, even though she was usually never one to pull punches. He just shook his head no. 

“It's been more than four months, Cas. I know you said things are different with him, but if I know you, and I do, you're in deep. You still haven't said anything to him about how you feel and will end up single before you ever even leave that cabin. You need to talk to Dean. It is only fair, to both of you.” 

There was his best friend. 

“What am I suppose to tell him, Charlie? That his boyfriend is a major fuck up who can't keep a decent relationship to save his life? That I rather live miserably without him than happily with him? Or would you rather me tell him all about Richard? Because you _know_ that is where that conversation will end up, you also know that I don't want to get into it.” He sat back. 

“Things will be fine. I will be fine. We will go to the cabin, have a great time, come back and just _be_.” His best friend gave him an angry look that only she could manage to make look adorable. He knew better than to tell her that though. 

“Castiel Novak. You love him. You know you do. You are right, things _are_ different with him. I could see that the moment I saw you two together. He loves you too. It isn't like every other relationship. You can't let this one go. You can't let your....freakout end things with him. This is something that you should hold onto. He is good for you. I haven't seen you this happy. EVER.” 

He knew she was right. But that didn't mean this didn't scare him to the very core of his being. He didn't know what to say or do. Especially where Dean was concerned. He was feeling the itch to run. He had to get away. 

“I can't make any promises, Charlie. I know this is different than other relationships. I just have no idea what to say to him.” He slumped in his chair a little and felt defeated. 

They cut their talk short, Cas not wanting to discuss things Charlie wanted to and Charlie frustrated that she couldn't get anything out of Cas. He went to bed that night with feelings of anxiety and discontent. He wasn't sure if the feelings were from Dean asking about the cabin or if they were from his fear. He didn't want to examine them further. He also tried not to think about what Charlie said. 

He felt different with Dean. He knew that. But would he call this feeling _love_? He has never really said that word out loud to anyone since Richard. Looking back now, what he had with Richard wasn't even really love. It was infatuation. It was unhealthy. It was also basically based purely on sexual desire.

He knew his pattern though, Charlie wouldn't let him forget. Anytime he started to feel anything more than sexual companionship with someone he ran scared. He didn't want to think about doing that with Dean. He just couldn't deny the feeling in his gut that said to get out before he was hurt again. Or he hurt Dean. That feeling also told him that if he stayed, Dean would have the power to destroy his heart, even if he was the only one that was able to make him feel like this. 

The next day went fairly quickly. He knew he wasn't being fair, he avoided any meaningful conversation with Dean claiming he had a deadline on the game he was working on. He text Gabe asking him to come over and stay the night. Gabe didn't comment on it, just came over and spent the night binge watching Netflix with him. He would catch Gabe watching him every so often but refused to comment. 

The next morning before he left Gabe had to say something though. 

“Cassie, I know what you're doing. As much as I enjoyed our impromptu brothers night, it was clear that you were avoiding him.” He gave an all too knowing look. 

“I am sure you have no idea what you're talking about.” Gabe snorted. 

“Yeah, right. It's right on time isn't it? I thought that this time would be different. You look at him differently. It is also plain to everyone that he thinks you hung the damn moon and stars just for him. What happened? What was the trigger this time?” 

Cas just looked away before he could direct the scowl at his brother. “Nothing happened. He and I are fine.” 

He looked back at his brother with a smile “In fact next weekend we are going away. To a beautiful, romantic, lake view cabin.” Cas raised his eyebrow challenging his brother to say something. 

“Cassie, don't do it. Not this time. Not to him. He doesn't deserve it. _You_ don't deserve it. Just let yourself be happy. _That_ is what you deserve. Happiness.” His brothers face and voice was full of love and emotion. He didn't have time for that. 

“I'll see you later, Gabe.” His face left no room for any more argument. Gabe just shook his head at his brother and left. 

He spent the day childishly avoiding Dean again. He knew that it was Friday and Dean would most likely come over and spend the weekend with him. He tried not to think about it. He feigned busy when the texts added up. Finally Dean asked if he wanted him to bring dinner over since he was so busy. He couldn't help but smile at the thoughtfulness. He told him yes. He tried to stay busy even after Dean arrived. They barely knocked anymore. Once to alert the other they were coming in that was it. But when Dean did it tonight it only made him cringe at the familiarity of it. 

“Hey babe, I brought Chinese for dinner.” He heard Dean call out to him but said nothing, went back to work. It wasn't long before Dean found him sitting at his desk working. He leaned over and kissed him on the neck. 

“Hi, lover. I have missed you.” He leaned away and gave those green eyes a quick glance. 

“Dean, I'm working.” He ignored the stare that he received, he knew those green eyes would hold confusion and most likely hurt. He couldn't see that. 

“Yeah. Right. Well maybe try to take a break to eat before it gets cold, okay?” His voice was soft and caring. He knew it was Dean trying to avoid a fight.

They had fights before. Nothing too big, always making up shortly after. He didn't want to fight with Dean, right? He sighed and saved his work. He rolled into the kitchen to find his handsome companion dishing up a plate. 

“You want me to dish yours out too?” He could hear the smile in his voice. 

“No, you always put too many noodles.” Dean's body stilled for a moment then he shook his head slightly. Dean left the kitchen and sat at the table. They ate in silence when Cas finally came to the table. He felt Dean watching him. Trying to figure him out. 

After dinner Dean watched him as he went back to work. He ignored the prickle on the back of his neck from the eyes watching him as he went. Eventually he felt Dean's presence in the office. When he glanced over his boyfriend was leaning against the door frame just watching him. 

“What can I do for you, Dean? I'm working.” 

Dean scoffed, “Yeah I can see that. It's Friday night though. You should be relaxing.”

Looking at Dean he stared for a moment, “Well if I am to go away next weekend with you I need to be able to get this work done, Dean.” Dean just nodded thoughtfully. 

“What's going on, Castiel? You have barely talked to me since I asked you to go away with me next weekend. You have avoided me. You-” Cas cut him off. 

“I have not _avoided_ you, Dean.” 

Dean gave a laugh that was far removed from amused, “What would you call it then, Cas?” 

“I am simply working, Dean. Trying to get this game done on time.” Dean just stood there with a blank face. 

“Is there anything else?” He turned back to the game avoiding whatever look was upon that perfect face.

“I'll leave you to it then. Good night, Castiel.” The pain was evident in his voice. Cas didn't bother looking back to him. Couldn't bear to see those eyes reflecting the pain he heard in the voice. 

He swallowed, “Good night, Dean.” He finally chanced a glance at the door. 

Dean was already gone, he heard the front door close, he went back to work. 

The rest of the weekend Cas adamantly ignored his phone each time it chimed with Dean's notification. It got to the point he just silenced it. 

He looked over at the phone and sighed. The blinking light was taunting him. He turned it over. 

Before bed he decided that he would finally read the messages that were left for him over the weekend. He wasn't sure what to expect from Dean. What he did find made him sad, then promptly feel guilty for being such a complete ass, then he let his guilt turn to anger.  
_  
Friday 9:50pm Dean: Cas, I don't know what's going on. Just know that I am here for you if you want to talk about it._

_Friday 10:45pm Dean: I'm going to bed. I wish I was cuddled up next to you._

_Saturday 8:16am Dean: Good morning, lover. I woke up missing your heat next to me. I hope that you are able to get your work done so that maybe we can spend some time together today._

_Saturday 10:23am Dean: Maybe we could do lunch?_

_Saturday 10:26am Dean: We could picnic in my back yard. Enjoy the crisp weather._

_Saturday 10:31am Dean: Or I could call out for pizza? Or something?_

_Saturday 11:52am Dean: Well, I hope you are at least eating. If there is anything that you need, let me know._

_Saturday 3:41pm Dean: If you have some free time tonight, maybe we could go see a movie?_

_Saturday 4:33pm Dean: Dinner?_

_Saturday 7:22pm Dean: I miss you. I apparently don't know what to do when I'm not with you._

_Saturday 10:55pm Dean: Did I do or say something? If so, how can I fix it? You've never done this before. I'm worried._

_Saturday 11:58pm Dean: Good night, Cas._

_Sunday 9:11am Dean: Good morning, Cas._

_Sunday 11:23am Dean: Going out for lunch, care to join me?_

_Sunday 2:12pm Dean: I don't know what else to say._

_Sunday 2:46pm Dean: Was it about the weekend getaway? I will cancel it. No pressure._

_Sunday 3:10pm Dean: I wish that you would talk to me. I don't care for this distance._

_Sunday 5:13pm Dean: Dinner?_

_Sunday 8:57pm Dean: I'm going to try to go to bed early. I didn't sleep well the last couple of nights without you. I hope that I can sleep better tonight. I know I would sleep better if I was able to hold you._

_Sunday 9:35pm Dean: I can take a hint. I will give you your space. Just, where ever you are, physically, mentally...come back to me. I will be here. I miss you. Good night, Cas._  
  
Cas groaned and turned to his side holding the phone, eyes closed and pressing it to his head. 

“I'm sorry, Dean.” He just couldn't bring himself to type those three words and hit send. Even when his whole body seemed to ache at the loss that was Dean Winchester in his bed wrapped around his body. 

He was too angry with himself for acting this way. How was he suppose to explain it? How could he even begin to tell Dean that he was wasn't worthy of his love? How was he suppose to tell Dean that he would be better off without Cas in his life? He was a broken man. Not worthy of him. Even now, while he had ignored him without once trying to offer an explanation Dean was being patient, kind, understanding, and so much more than he ever deserved. 

Dean was so unlike anyone else. At this point everyone else had broke it off. Said terrible things. True things. Called him out on his unworthiness. 

Not Dean. 

How did he ever expect to be anything but a disappointment to him? He should just let him go now. He just didn't want to. His heart ached at the very thought of Dean not being in his life. 

He fell asleep with his phone held close to his heart and his head on a tear stained pillow. Thoughts of Dean melting away into dreams, where even there, he wasn't worthy of his green eyed lover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize. For everything that is to come in the next few chapters. Really. I'm sorry.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next will be short ones. But they are not without their punch.

Dean was a complete wreck at work the next day. He had barely slept. He went over the past week over and over to see if he had some how screwed up, figure out what he did that was making Cas act this way. The only thing that he could pin point was dinner when he asked Cas to go away with him. He wasn't sure why that would cause him to act like this though. He idly wondered if he should call Gabe and ask him if he knew why he was getting the silent treatment. 

Shaking his head he decided against it. Cas probably wouldn't like it if he went to Gabe. How was he suppose to know how to fix this though? He staring at his computer screen still when the knock pulled him out of his thoughts. He looked up to find Benny standing in his door way. 

“You, alright brother?” His eyes gave Dean a once over and Dean saw concern in them. 

Straightening up he let his hands smooth down his tie, “Yeah, what's up?”

Benny didn't look very convinced. “I was just about to head out to lunch, wanted to know if you wanted to come along. It's been a while since we got to catch up.” 

Dean was shocked when he looked at the clock to see that it was in fact nearly lunch time and he had not done a lick of work. He scrubbed his hand down his face.

“Yeah, I'm right behind you.” Maybe getting out of the office and getting lunch with his good friend would help him get his head in the game. 

Once seated at the burger joint, that quickly became his and Benny's favorite place for lunch when they introduced stuffed burgers, Benny started in. 

“So tell me what the hell is going on with you man.” His light blue eyes penetrated him. They were the wrong color but still caused a twist in his gut and sadness washed over him at the thought of his favorite pair of blue eyes. 

“Nothing is going on, man.” Benny slammed his menu on the table loud enough to draw the attention of the table next to them. 

Dean just offered the couple a small smile and a nod looking back to Benny. 

“I call bull shit. When I saw you on Friday you were fine. Now you look like you haven't slept all weekend and it isn't in a 'I spent it romping in the sac with my pretty boy toy' kind of tired.” 

His blue eyes burned into his and he had to look away. He knew that Benny was right. He saw his reflection in the mirror that morning and he looked like hell. 

“It's nothing. I'll manage. Just, having a hard time sleeping.” 

Benny just stared at him. Like he was willing him to talk. Only stopping when the server came to take their orders. 

“I'm no expert, brother, but it doesn't seem like a simple sleeping pill is going to take care of whatever is going on. Tell me what's really going on.” He knew Benny wouldn't give up. 

“I think Cas and I are fighting.” He looks down into his sweet tea and bites the side of his cheek in frustration. 

“You _think_ you are fighting? You either are, or you're not. Which is it?” Dean let out an exasperated sigh. 

“I don't know, Benny.” 

“What happened brother?” his voice was full of concern and Dean didn't want to burden his friend but he needed someone to help him figure this out. 

“The other night I made dinner for us and then I asked him to spend the weekend with me at a lakeside cabin. He ended up getting really quiet. When I asked him about it, he seemed fine, maybe a little distant but he agreed to go and seemed okay with it. He didn't stay the night, which wasn't unusual, he Skypes with his best friend some times. But Friday, he seemed to be avoiding me. Minimum contact. Then when I went to his house with dinner he seemed, withdrawn, irritated maybe, and other than dinner he spent all his time working. Maybe he was being honest when he said he needed to finish before deadline so he could go to the cabin. It just didn't feel like that though. It felt like a fight I didn't even know we were having.” He sighed

“I went home. Been texting him all weekend and haven't heard anything from him. Last night I finally told him I would give him the space he obviously needed.” He blinked a few times and looked around the cafe, knowing that if he didn't get it under control he may just let a few tears fall. 

Benny sighed and leveled him with a sad look. “Brother, I know you got it bad. But maybe...” 

“Don't.” Dean's voice was quiet from the restraint of holding back his emotions. 

“Just, I'm not letting this go. I will go talk to him. I am sure it is something that we can work out. I care about him Benny.”

Benny nodded at him. “Yeah, care about him. Brother, you are down right over the edge and it don't seem like you got yourself a parachute. Go talk to him then. See if you can't figure this out. If anything so you will stop moping around and looking like shit.” 

Dean felt a little better after lunch with Benny, but wasn't so sure he felt good enough to finish his day. After informing his boss that he was taking the rest of the day off for personal time he went to the florist a few blocks down from his work and asked them to send a delicate bouquet of flowers to Cas. He wrote the note by hand,

_Cas, I don't know what's going on, I just want the chance to make it right. Please let me come over tonight to talk. I miss you._

Satisfied he put the note in the envelope and paid extra to have the flowers delivered in the next hour. He decided to wait to go home, ran some errands that needed to be taken care of, then went grocery shopping. He knew he needed food in the house for the rest of the week. Maybe even the weekend. Unsure if that was even going to happen now. 

After he brought the groceries in the house and put them away he took a look in the mirror to make sure that he looked presentable. He still looked like hell. He sighed deeply. It was now or never. He wanted so badly to see Cas, hold him, and kiss him until whatever was wrong just disappeared. He sent a silent prayer up that he would be able to then walked over to his neighbors.

*

If Cas could pace he would. He knew that Dean was coming over. He heard the Impala when he got home. As soon as he heard the engine his heart kicked up a notch. He glanced over at the beautiful flower arrangement that arrived that afternoon and smiled. He could do this. They could fix this. 

As soon as the knock on the door came he took a deep breath. He looked up into those lovely green eyes of his and felt his heart crack. They were full of fear and sorrow. He put that there. He couldn't believe that he had hurt him like this. How could he have done that? Broke such a magnificent man? He didn't deserve this.

He let Dean in and neither made a move to go further than the living room. Cas noticed that Dean looked like he wanted to kiss him hello. He almost wished that he would. He wanted to feel those soft lips again. 

Instead he just looked up at him and greeted him, “Dean.” 

The smile that Dean gave him made his chest throb. “Cas.” 

He leaned down and gave him one of the softest kisses that Dean had ever given him. Barely resisting the urge to kiss him back Dean pulled back when he noticed that his affection was not being returned. The pain was back in his eyes and he ran his hand on the back of his neck and bit his bottom lip. 

“Cas, man. Talk to me? I miss you. I have barely been able to sleep. I need to know what's wrong.” The pleading in his voice was like a vice on his heart. 

“Dean, I don't know what to say. I thought I did, but I just don't know now.” 

“What do you mean? What's wrong? This all started when I asked about the cabin. Look, we don't have to go, I can cancel. Or I can see if Sam and Jess want to go instead. We don't have to do anything if it makes you uncomfortable. I just don't know what's going on.” His voice was strained and full of heart ache. 

“Dean, I do not think the cabin is a good idea.” 

“Fine. Gone, don't even think about it, like it never happened. Too soon, I guess? We never have to leave our houses if you don't want to. Are we good? Cause, I gotta admit Cas, I am a mess over here. I have missed you like crazy.” He smiled shyly at his admission and waited with hope now filling his eyes. 

“No, Dean. We are not good. _I_ am not good.” He looked down at his hands sitting in his lap, unsure of what to do with them. Dean looked so confused.

 

“What did I do? How can I fix this? Fix us? How did I fuck this up?” The pain in Dean's voice as he asked these questions went right to Castiel's heart, splintering it a little more. 

“Dean, don't you understand? It isn't you. You are fucking perfect! How could it _be_ you? I ignored you for three days and instead of anger I get sweet text messages, offers for lunch and dinner. One telling me that you will give me space. Then a beautiful vase full of my favorite flowers? How can you be more perfect? Mean while I am a complete mess. I have been an asshole to you and I don't understand how you can even want me after this!” His voice steadily rose with his anger. Not aimed toward Dean, but it seemed that way and he wasn't sure he could do anything to change that, or try to explain. 

Dean stared at him, green eyes glistening with fear, hurt, and tears, his voice was nearly a whisper, filled with confusion and Cas almost didn't hear him, “Cas, why wouldn't I want you?” 

He felt his heart ache to reach out and touch him, his body nearly itched with the need to, he knew he should be filled with love but he was only filled with rage at Dean's ignorance. 

Voice raising more than he has ever raised it at any other before Cas nearly scared himself, “BECAUSE I'M NOT WORTHY, DEAN! I'M A BROKEN MAN! HOW CAN YOU BE SO BLIND?”

Dean shook his head in disagreement but couldn't say anything before Cas began again. 

“I am not a complete man, I can't give you what you need, or what you want. I am broken beyond repair. I can't be fixed. How can I expect anyone to want me or want to love me, especially _you_?” He spit the words out like venom. 

Why couldn't he make Dean see why them being together was a terrible idea? 

“Cas...” his voice was quiet, strained with tears he was barely holding back. His hands reached for him but he just turned his head away, the gesture aborted at his unspoken rejection.

“Dean, you should go. I don't think this is going to work between us.” He felt his heart begin to crumble with the words that he let slip.

“This...this is it? You,” he took a shaky breath and Cas refused to look back, couldn't see the pain on his face. 

“You're ending this?” 

Cas couldn't trust his own voice. His anger dissipated with his outburst, replaced now only by self inflected sadness and pain. He knew if he opened his mouth to speak again he would start crying. If he cried, Dean would comfort him. 

Perfect, caring Dean. He wouldn't be able to finish this. He couldn't let Dean love a broken man. He needed to save him from more pain down the road. So he just nodded. 

There was silence. So long Cas almost looked back to Dean. Then he heard his movement towards the door. It was opened and there was silence again for a while.

“Cas, I...” He heard Dean take a broken breath and knew that there had to be tears tracing a path down his beautiful face. A place tears never belong.

The door closed. He waited in the quiet for what felt like hours before looking over to see that Dean had really gone. Then he broke down sobbing. The whole exchange took less than fifteen minutes. Less than fifteen minutes to dismantle his love life.

Less than fifteen minutes to destroy something beautiful in this world.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please take note that I added a dub-con tag for this chapter. Although the way it is written is in fact dub-con when I wrote it, that was really the farthest thing from my mind for these two.  
> Also this chapter is also shorter like the last one.

Benny called him when he didn't come to work the next day. He decided that he wasn't going to be at the top of his game at work and took the rest of the week off. Much to the chagrin of his boss. But he rarely took vacation time and _never_ took personal time, so they couldn't deny him. He ignored Benny's call. Then proceeded to ignore Sam and Jess when they called him too. 

Eventually to end the calls and texts he sent the same message to each person that was repeatedly bothering him. It seemed like everyone but the one person that he wanted to was calling or texting him.

_12:03pm Dean: I am fine. I will talk when I'm ready. Please let me have my time off in peace._

He turned his phone off. He spent the day wandering his house wondering what happened. He found himself wandering to the window more often than not and looking in the direction of Cas' house. He couldn't seem to stay in one room very long. Every thing and every where reminded him of Castiel.

He turned his computer on and emailed, Rufus, the owner of the cabin. Instead of canceling the reservation as he had planned he asked if the cabin was available immediately from that evening to Sunday afternoon. He wasn't sure that he could stay in this house that has been filled with so many memories in such a short time.

As soon as he got confirmation back from Rufus he packed his things and with one longing look at Cas' house took off. He turned his phone back on, just in case Cas decided to text or call. He had hope in his heart that maybe he would. 

Coming home Sunday night Dean didn't feel less heart ache. Without Cas his heart felt like it was missing. He was not looking forward to going back home, back to the place that he and Cas had established a relationship. 

The idea of sleeping in the bed where he and Cas spent so many hours taking each other apart just to put the pieces back together with soft kisses, caresses, and promises. He wished that he could say he wouldn't do it all over if he knew that those promises whispered into the night would eventually be lost and broken. He knows he would do it all over again. 

Every moment. 

He felt a little lighter though, he had a plan. He wasn't going to let Cas go that easy. If their time together meant anything close to Cas as it meant to him then it was worth trying to win him back. Cas insisted that he wasn't worthy and was broken, that it wasn't Dean. Then he would have to show his lover that he never thought those terrible things about Cas, he was never broken to begin with, inside or out. 

It was late when he finally pulled into the driveway. He had put off coming home so long that the clock read almost one in the morning. He really wasn't looking forward to going to work the next day and now he was going to be even more tired. 

He sat in the dark of the Impala just staring over at Cas' house. He was mentally preparing himself to go into his own. He would have to change the sheets before he went to bed. He was sure that they still smelled of Cas. Then again. He wasn't sure he wanted to lose that. 

His heart sped up when he saw someone pull up next door. He felt his world crumble around him when a taller blond got out, dressed in what looked like leather pants and his band shirt cut in a way that the neck of it was falling off his shoulder. Cas got out and the _kid_ , that is what he was, couldn't be more than twenty-five, sat in his lap as they went up the porch. This kids' hands were all over Cas. Dean's heart broke even more when he saw their lips meet. 

He shrunk back into his seat when he saw Cas look over to see the Impala sitting in the driveway. He sat there for a long time after the two disappeared behind the door. Eventually he felt the cold creeping in and noticed the wet falling from his eyes. He knew for sure now he wasn't going to get any sleep. 

After getting maybe an hour of fitful sleep that his mind filled with sexually charged images between a mystery man and Cas, images he didn't want to see, he finally dragged himself out the door to get on his way to work. As he was getting in the car the door opened at Cas' house. He quickly sat in the car and watched. The young kid practically stumbled out of the house looking in complete disarray. 

As much as the sight of seeing that kid leave Cas' hurt, and maybe it was the complete lack of sleep, Dean couldn't help but huff out a laugh, “I know that feeling kid. He can have that affect on you.” 

He tried to shut his brain down and close off the feelings in his heart as he drove to work. 

As soon as he got to work he called the florist and had another vase of flowers sent to Cas with the note simply saying _I miss you_. 

When he returned home that evening, later than he intended, he found the vase of flowers sitting on his porch. Not note, not even his own. He sighed and walked over to Cas' and set them next to the potted plants. 

The next day he went on his lunch break to the bookstore and found a book that he knew Cas had been wanting but always seemed too busy to go get. 

He wrote a note on the inside, _No matter what you think, I want you in my life. I miss you._

He had it gift wrapped and paid extra to have a delivery service get it to him within an hour of buying it.

Again when he returned home, the book sat on his swing. He sighed and walked it back over to Cas' porch, sitting it next to his door quietly. 

Over the next couple of weeks he continued to send Cas letters, cards, balloons, flowers, rare items that he knew Cas would love, and every time he would come home to find them on his porch. Every night he would leave it back on Cas' porch next to the rest of the items Cas didn't bother moving once Dean put them all back. 

On more than one occasion over that time he had noticed men, always younger, always looking completely wrecked leaving Cas' as he was off to work. Over the following weeks he tried to look the other way, tried to pretend it wasn't happening. That it didn't matter. Tried to ignore the way that it hurt. 

Until he couldn't anymore.

*

Saturday night, he was contemplating telling Gabe to pick him up to go out to the club. The boy last night had been fun, but he wasn't what he was looking for. He pushed the thought in his head away that what he was _really_ looking for was next door. He started to unlock his phone to text his brother when there was a knock at his door.

He knew it couldn't be another delivery from Dean. He had already got one that day. Hadn't got the nerve to put it back on his porch though. Maybe he wouldn't need to text Gabe, maybe he was here.

His heart nearly stopped when he opened the door and found the tall and very sexy Dean Winchester on his door step looking completely determined. 

He looked into his eyes and didn't see pain, he saw rage. His heart remembered itself and began beating faster than he had ever remembered. It wasn't fear that was pumping through his veins though, even if he tried to tell himself it was. 

Dean grabbed the arms of his chair and pushed him back, fluidly kicking the door closed as he did. Cas could only stare up at him. 

“What do you think you're doing, Cas?” his voice sent shivers down his spine that he was helpless to stop. 

“What are you talking about, Dean?” He clenched his jaw hearing how aroused his own voice sounded when he spoke. 

“The parade of _**boys**_ in and out of your bed room? Trying to give me back every gift I have sent you? _Ignoring_ me?” His face was so close that Cas could feel the heat from his breath as he spoke. 

“What does it matter, Dean? We aren't together anymore.” He could feel the heat coming from his former lover. He wasn't sure what to think or do as Dean stared at him in such a predatory manner. 

Without any warning Dean kissed him hard. He tried to push him away but the man was relentless. Licking and biting his lips until Cas opened for him. Instead of fighting him he found his hands fisting in his shirt and pulling him in for more as the fire that had died down to an ember suddenly caught flame again and was raging inside him, barely contained.

Of course Dean had to hear the moan that escaped his throat into his mouth.

Dean continued to push back on his chair until they were in his room. Nearly growling he effortlessly picked Cas up and threw him to the bed. Crawling up onto the bed Dean very much looked the part of predator stalking it's prey. 

Cas trembled in anticipation, no longer able to think let alone try to make this stop. Unsure if he even _wanted_ it to stop.

It was fast, rough, angry, and possessive. It was also one of the most incredibly hot things Cas had ever experienced.

Dean's hands and mouth were everywhere. His face, his throat, his chest, his thighs. He felt every touch sear into his flesh like a brand, something he would feel long after the touches ended. 

Every time Dean's mouth was on him it was biting and sucking, bruising his skin. Marking him. Cas couldn't even bring himself to think beyond how Dean was making him feel. Couldn't bring himself to comprehend the forceful and possessive words coming from Dean's mouth. Only shivering with excitement when he heard Dean growl _MINE_ as he gave and took what they both needed. 

His clothes were gone, so were Dean's, he wasn't even sure when that had happened. He didn't care though. He had _Dean_. 

He sensed more than felt the fact that he was about to be taken, he felt the cool touch of the lube as Dean teased his hole with his fingers. He was able to slip two deep inside effortlessly. He barely heard the growl erupt from Dean when he found him so prepared already. It didn't take long for him to work his hole open with three, then four fingers. 

He pulled Cas to the edge of the bed, standing up and lining himself up with Cas, Dean plunged inside, bottoming out in one deep stroke. When he didn't move Cas moaned and whined. Heard himself _begging_ Dean to move, to fuck him, to fill him up over and over. 

After what felt like forever he got what he needed. Dean pulled back, almost too far, then fucked into him deep and hard.

Cas barely heard Dean's words over his own screams, “You like that, Cas?” His voice angry and dripping sex he fucked into him with ferocious abandon. “Can those slutty _boys_ fuck you like this?” 

Cas was quickly coming undone. His orgasm fast approaching. Dean's words only fueling his growing need for release. “You're _mine_ , Cas. This is _mine_. I am the only one that should be inside you.” 

“Harder, Dean. Fuck me. Harder. _Please_.” Cas knew he was begging but he needed this. He felt fingers gripping his hips so hard he knew he would have dark marks there for at least a week. It only made him whimper more. 

He wasn't able to hold back anymore once he felt Dean's hand on his hard cock. It only took two rough strokes and he was covering himself in his own sticky substance. 

As soon he had he felt Dean inside him grow even harder and with one more deep thrust he released and Cas could feel every throb of his heart beat in his cock as his body stilled, his erection throbbing and still so solid, buried deep inside him. 

They stayed there like that for a few minutes. Neither of them willing to move. Neither of them wanting to address what had just happened. Finally when Dean softened enough to slip right out of him Dean positioned him gently on the bed, the complete opposite of how he had handled him up until this very moment. 

Dean went to the bath room and returned with a warm wet wash cloth. Cleaned Cas up and then tried to press a kiss to his lips. 

Cas turned his head away, unable to accept such an affectionate token from Dean now. 

“Cas.” his voice was still rough from sex but gentle, pleading. 

“This doesn't change anything, Dean.” he felt the man next to him stiffen.

“Just give me -” Cas cut him off. 

“No, Dean. It was just sex. It meant nothing. Just because you marked my body does not make me yours. I don't belong to you anymore.” His words shattered his own heart. He could almost hear Dean's heart breaking too. 

Without looking up at him he knew Dean's stare was heated with anger and misery. He felt the weight leave the bed and heard the shuffle of clothing. Soon enough he heard the front door close again. He turned to his side, curled into a ball and began to sob into the mattress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarify, there is no ill feelings about it between the two once it is over either. I know that Dean's actions are far removed from his established personality, but he is also in love here and couldn't take it anymore.  
> This is mentioned again later, briefly.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little bit longer, guess it makes up for the last couple of short ones. Chapter ten may be close to 7k though. Unless I can find a good place to break it into two chapters. Which I might.   
> Just know, that starting in chapter ten things will slowly begin to get better.

As the next few weeks past Dean barely paid attention to anything other than his work. He adamantly ignored the house next door. Falling asleep on the couch because it is too painful to bring himself to sleep in the bed that he and Cas shared too many nights together. 

It was finally enough to make Benny get upset. “Listen, brother.” 

Benny just walked into his office without announcing himself. “You have been a zombie. Sure the bosses have been happy because you have been getting enough work done for three people. But you can't do that anymore.” 

Dean barely even looked up at his friend. Continuing working, the only sign he heard him was a slight nod. 

“Listen, it's Friday. I'm not taking a no for an answer. You're leaving early, clean yourself up. You are going to shave. I'm the only one around here allowed to have that much scruff on his face.” 

Dean didn't really even give much thought to the fact that he hadn't shaved in, how long now?

“Then I'm going to come pick you up and we are going out. There is a club that opened up a few weeks ago I want to go to. I think it will be fun. Couldn't hurt to get you out. Maybe even get your mind off of things.” 

Finally Dean looked up at his friend. He knew he was trying to help. Sam did what he could with his busy schedule too, but it wasn't much. He fully intended on telling Benny that he had no intention on spending a night around a bunch of strangers in a small building with loud, obnoxious music, irritating lights, and over priced drinks. 

That was not what came out. 

“Alright.” 

The look on Benny's face alone was enough to make him smile a little. Maybe it would be worth it. Maybe it would be fun. Maybe he would numb the constant stream of pain and thoughts of Castiel that were running through his head at every waking moment. 

“That is fantastic, brother. I'll be by to make sure you hold up your end of the deal.” 

Dean nodded and went back to work. He could be allowed to leave early. He has been putting in more hours in the last few weeks than he has in a long time. He was barely home anymore. Usually only long enough to pass out on the couch and wake up, shower, and go right back into the office as the sun is making it's appearance in the sky. 

This would be good for him. At the very least he would be able to spend some time with Benny so that he wouldn't feel like Dean was completely ignoring him.

When he pulled into the driveway while the sun was still shining he was careful to keep his eyes from wandering over to the house next door. He watched his feet as he walked instead of looking up. He walked up the ramp, that he stupidly thought was an invitation to his neighbor, and thought that he just might have to remove it tomorrow. If Castiel wasn't going to utilize it, there was no need for it until Bobby came around again. 

After showering he shaved and looked into the mirror. He almost didn't even recognize the man reflected back at him. He stared at himself for a long while before deciding that yes, he was in fact going to let loose tonight. He was going to have fun. He was going to try to lose himself in the night instead of the morose thoughts he fell asleep to each night. 

Smiling for the first time in what seemed like forever he felt something lift from his chest. He readied himself quickly. Even put some music on while he waited for Benny. The text said they were going to dinner before they went out. So he grabbed a beer and drank it while waiting. As soon as Benny showed up he pulled him into the house. 

“Let's do a shot before we go!” He smiled and his friend looked at him like he had lost his damn mind. 

“How much have you had to drink already?” His voice was skeptical. 

“Just the one beer. I guess I just got into the right head space for tonight.” He smiled brightly. 

He poured them each a healthy shot of whiskey and then headed out. They went to a quaint little burger joint they use to go to before going out on those rare nights that Benny managed to drag him out. 

It was almost nine when they finally arrived at the new place that Benny was talking about. Didn't seem like it was all that popular, since there wasn't a huge line like he was expecting. 

“This place better not be a bust, Benny. I'm looking forward to having a good time tonight.” He gave his friend a mock serious look. 

Benny just huffed out a laugh at him and clapped him on the back as they were going up to the door. 

Once inside it was everything that Benny had promised. It was already full, the line was apparently short because the real party doesn't start until around eleven, according to the guy at the door anyway. Dean had planned on being well on his way to drunk by then. The bright lights weren't that bad and the music, even if it could have been a better selection for his tastes, at least had a decent beat to it. 

They finally made their way up to the bar and ordered their drinks. Benny was already drawing the attention of some of the ladies who must recognize him from other establishments he imagined Benny went to. He waved at a pretty brunette. 

“That there is Hannah. Things didn't work out with us, but she can be a good time in a pinch if needed.” He grinned up at Dean. 

He couldn't help but laugh at him, “You're a dog, Benny.”

As the night wore on more and more people made their way into the club. Dean had already turned down several invites from women, and a few men, to 'get out of here' with them. As appealing as it could be, he wasn't quite ready for that yet.

It wasn't until a cute red head made her way up to the bar next to him that he gave the most genuine smile of the night. He almost didn't recognize her. It was close to midnight and he was, as he promised himself, well onto his way to being drunk. 

She looked over at him and smiled the generic smile that every girl has to give guys in the club, then recognition spread over her face and she lit up. “Dean! Hi!” 

It took him a moment to realize that the beauty he was looking at was none other than his favorite server Anna. 

“Anna! Wow, look at you! You look...amazing.” He gave her a hug. It was probably just the alcohol since he had never touched her before. She seemed taken aback by the touch but was happy to reciprocate. 

Sitting at the bar they talked a bit. He finally got to know a little more about her. The one that would always smile so sweetly with him in a flirtatious way when he and Sam would go have lunch. He began to think that maybe he was ready. Maybe what he needed was someone that he was familiar with. 

Soft touches of hands, gentle caresses on the arms, jokes that made he laugh and light up, he could do this. He deserved this. He _needed_ this. He felt the hair on the back of his neck raise and he shivered. He did a quick glance around the club when Anna ordered another drink. He felt like someone was watching him. He couldn't even find Benny at this point so he just turned the charm up and gave Anna a smile he knew from experience that women and men alike were hardly able to resist. 

He noticed when she became more bold. Touching him carefully. Hands touching his chest as she would gesture, lingering. His hands would linger on her hips letting his thumb caresses into the soft, thin, layer of fabric there. 

He was close to asking her back to his place. He could tell Benny he was leaving and just grab a cab or ride home with her. It had to be nearing closing time anyway. The music picked up and seemed a little bit louder so he leaned in and spoke into her ear, “Do you have any plans for the rest of the evening?” When he pulled back to look at her the loveliest blush was creeping up her neck and coloring her cheeks. 

Before he could tell her that they didn't have to do anything other than maybe have coffee, if that was all she wanted, she was turned away from him and her face changed to shock. 

He looked to see the source of the interruption. He looked and saw a familiar face, blue eyes turned to steel as they narrowed in on Anna. 

“You need to go some where else.” His deep voice carried over the music and Anna's face turned confused as she looked down to this random stranger. 

“Castiel, leave Anna alone.” Dean tried to put the same steel into his voice that he saw in those eyes but he didn't have the same affect since he was caught off guard. 

Those eyes were then turned on him. His heart felt like it stuttered when he met them and saw pain buried beneath the anger. 

Anna feeling emboldened decided to step in, “Excuse me, you have no right to put your hands on my body. If you do not leave me alone I will have to ask security to escort you out.” 

Dean could only smile. Anna seemed to be polite and adorable even when threatening someone. It was endearing and not at all surprising. 

“You need to leave him alone. He isn't yours.” Castiel's eyes never left Dean's when he spoke, so Dean missed the look that Anna gave both of them. 

“You're right Castiel. I am not hers. But I am not _yours_ either. I don't belong to you anymore, if I remember correctly.” Using his words against him Dean could see the rage raising in Cas' eyes. 

“Leave us alone, Cas. You gave up your claim on me, you have no say who I talk to, who I date, or who I bring home.” He knew that he was being hateful. He wanted to hurt Cas the way that Cas had hurt him. The desire to cause pain did not make the words he spoke any less than the truth. 

Dean reached his hand to Anna's arm and with intent and purpose slowly let it glide down to take her hand and entwine their fingers. Keeping eye contact with his ex the entire time. 

“Let's go Anna.” Turning away from Cas Anna didn't hesitate to follow him as he walked towards the door. Feeling the angry, hurt, stare on his back the entire time. He knew that if looks could kill, Anna would have been dead long before Castiel decided to confront them. 

As they walked outside he pulled his phone out and sent Benny a text telling him that he caught a ride home to have a good night. Anna had drove so she suggested taking him home. Thankfully she hadn't drank nearly the amount he had.

Turning to Anna he took her other hand in his. “I'm sorry about that, Anna. I really am. I -” 

“Dean, it's okay. I wasn't expecting it, but it is fine.” Her smile made him feel like it was in fact alright. 

He hesitated only slightly then leaned in closer and kissed her gently. It was the first time he had kissed anyone since Cas left him. It felt good. The tenderness was amazing. They didn't deepen the kiss but he let his hands snake around her waist and gave her a few more soft kisses on those sweet tasting lips. 

He was so caught up in the sensation of Anna he didn't see blue eyes watching him from the door as he and Anna climbed into her car and drove away. 

*

He never acted like that. He never became possessive after a break up. 

Yet when he spotted Dean in the club he was unable to stop watching him. Every time someone would walk up to him he felt anger and jealousy towards that person build up inside him. Dean never seemed to talk to them long though. After a while they would walk away and the tightness in his chest would dissipate. 

It wasn't until he saw the smile on his face when the red head started talking to him that he felt a real pang of terror that he may not send her away. They talked for a long time. Cas moved closer to them, unsure of what he would do. It wasn't until Dean leaned in close to her and said something that made her blush he lost it. 

He knew that he had no right to say or do anything. He left Dean. He was the one that was hurting him. He was the one that was bringing men home randomly. He knew that Dean had known. The last time they were together he made it perfectly clear that he was aware of Cas' actions. It was a claiming. He wanted to let Cas know that he still belonged to him. 

Then he ruined that. He hadn't been able to bring himself to sleep with anyone since then. Even if they did go home with him. He couldn't stop thinking about Dean. So when he saw the body language and intentions of the two he couldn't contain himself anymore. He had lost his cool.

The words Dean said were true. They shouldn't have come as a shock to him. He just wasn't expecting them from Dean. It broke his heart. Then when he saw Dean kissing her, kissing _Anna_ , he felt like his whole world was coming apart at the seams. 

When the kid he had been talking to found him and asked him if they were going to go back to his place he just ignored him and left. He eventually made his way back home and when he saw her car outside of Dean's house he went inside and cried. 

He tried to sleep. He just couldn't. Every time his eyes closed all he could see was Dean's hands on her body. His hands and mouth exploring her the way they once explored him. He found himself going to his porch and looking to see if her car was still there. 

Eventually he gave up. He made himself some coffee, he knew he wouldn't get any sleep until he knew that she was gone. After making his coffee to his liking he wrapped himself up in his jacket and sat on the porch. He watched as the sun began to rise. Even if it was rising from the other side of the house he watched as the sky lightened.

His chest tightened at the memories he had of watching the sun set with Dean, then spending hours in the darkness just being together, talking, making love, cuddling, holding one another together, learning about each other. Only to go out and bask in the what was left of the summer stars, watching as they slowly faded as the sun rose and they made love on a blanket in Dean's backyard. Spending the day in bed sleeping with their limbs tangled together. Happy. Content.

He wiped the tears away quickly as they came. He needed to figure out how to fix this.

He wasn't quite sure how much time had passed, the sun had barely just come up and the sky was blue with a few clouds when he heard the door open at the house beside his. His whole body stiffened. He set his cup down and waited. He wasn't sure what to expect. 

He watched as the red headed harlot from the club the night before walked down Dean's driveway. She looked over to his house and saw him. She stood up a little straighter and walked with purpose towards him. If she wanted to argue with him, fine. He made it clear last night that he had no issues with getting in her face.

Cas mentally prepared himself to get into with this _Anna_ and was feeling anger and nausea boil up in his stomach with the images that were going through his head.

Watching as she sauntered up to his porch he could only see how Dean's hands had been on her hips the night before, how he imagined they were last night once she was naked. The things that he had done to her, making her call out his name in passion, the way he use to Cas call his name. He tried to focus on the anger. It was the only thing that was going to keep him from either vomiting or crying. She stood before him finally.

“What?” there was so much acid in his voice he was surprised she didn't flinch from him. 

She shook her head tiredly at him, sadness and pity in her eyes. It only made his anger boil more. “You honestly don't get it do you, Castiel?” 

“What am I not getting, harlot?” She actually laughed at him. He wasn't sure he had ever wanted to hit a female more. 

“If you would get your head out of your ass long enough to see, Castiel, he loves you. You know what happened last night?” 

She waited for some sort of answer but Cas only glared at her not wanting to even imagine Dean, _his Dean_ , putting his hands on anyone else. 

“He tried, Castiel. He did. He put forth his best efforts. In the end though, he couldn't do it. He broke down. I sat up most of the night holding him while he cried into my arms, telling me all about _you_ , about how much he misses you, how he just wants you back, how _amazing_ you are. I have yet to see any proof of that though. I may not know Dean as well as you do, or as well as some others, but I have known him long enough to know that he is fiercely loyal, caring, giving, compassionate, and loving beyond belief. He isn't one to just give his love away. He reserves his love for those who truly earn it, when he finally gives it, it is deep. Deeper than any ocean you will find, and it is endless. He will never stop. He may not have told you he loves you, but he does. Dean's is the kind of love that will transcend time if only you will stop whatever self hating bullshit you have going on and allow him to love you.” 

He was speechless, and even more shocked at her words because there were tears in her eyes threatening to fall. 

“Castiel, I have had a crush on that man for the better part of 5 years now. He was sad when his last relationship ended, I know, I heard him talk to Sam about it. Never was he like this though. Never missed work over it. You have something incredible in Dean and you either need to wake up and love him like he deserves to be loved, or let him go completely. He won't stop loving you, but at least it will give him a chance to start healing.” 

With that she looked back to her car and turned around to go. 

“Anna.” She stopped and looked at him. 

“Thank you.” He wasn't sure if he was thanking her for her little speech, or for being there for Dean when he needed someone to cry to, or just not sleeping with him. 

She shook her head again and gave him a rueful smile 

“Take care, Castiel.” He watched her get into her car and drive away. He looked over at the house next door and felt his heart ache again. He needed to make a decision. He knew Anna was right. 

He was just afraid of the decision he was going to make.

*

Dean woke up and had no clue what time it was. He knew that he felt like shit though. He felt even more like shit when the first thought that he had was to wish that Cas was there to make him feel better. 

He groaned and rolled over to his side and saw there was a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin.   
Searching his memories he wished that he could bury his head in the sand and never come back up. Maybe if he prayed enough the floor would open and swallow him up. 

He remembered meeting Anna at the club. And Cas. He sighed. He wasn't sure to be angry or elated that Cas acted the way he did. That meant he still wanted Dean right? That there was still hope for them? Should he even want that though? 

Maybe he shouldn't feel so happy about Cas' actions the night before. He had no right to act that way. Cas gave up his claim on Dean. He told him as much last night. He couldn't have double standards. He was the one that broke it off with Dean. He was the one that was bringing home one night stands repeatedly. 

He was the one that broke Dean's heart. 

Of course, Dean wasn't much better. When he finally lost it and went over to Cas' to basically lay claim to him, like it was a primitive time and he was some sort of animal, just as Cas tried to do last night. Just in a different way. He sighed. 

He still couldn't believe that he cried into Anna's lap all night. Sweet, caring, understanding, Anna. His favorite lunch time server. The girl who has flirted with him for five years. She was so kind. She held him and let him get it all out. Then left him water and aspirin. 

Sitting up was quite the task. His head swam and felt heavy. He opened the bottle and shook a few out and drank them down with the stale water. He fumbled his way to the bathroom and relieved himself. He then practically fell back into the bed after pulling all but his boxers from his body and tried not to think. He was asleep again in no time. 

When he woke up again the room was darker. He knew it was still daylight, barely. But since it was fall now it could still be dinner time. He didn't feel like something had ran him over. His eyes didn't feel so swollen now either. No throbbing head. So he dragged himself to the kitchen and made some coffee as he searched for something quick to eat. He didn't want to bother with cooking at the moment. 

Take out seemed like a better idea the longer he stared at the contents of his kitchen. The clock on the oven stared at him. It was going on six. He still had one more day before he could go back and bury himself in his work. 

“Better shower.” His voice was still dry and horse from the night before making him wince.

He set his empty coffee mug in the sink and headed towards the bathroom when he saw his phone sitting on the dresser. The battery was dead of course. So he plugged it in while he took his time in the shower.

He stood in the shower for as long as he dared, letting the hot water roll down his tight muscles, helping to loosen them. He tried to keep his mind from wandering to thoughts of his neighbor and the moments that they had shared in this very shower. He put his head against the cool title of the wall and groaned. 

No matter how somber, angry, or jealous he felt, he couldn't help his body reacting to memories of his and Cas' times together. Especially ones that were so heated and full of unspoken emotions. 

After pointedly ignoring his bodies attempts to try to encourage self love he dried himself and dressed in some sweats and an old soft cotton gym shirt. He turned his phone on so that he could make a call for dinner. 

He didn't feel the phone vibrate in his pocket as he waited for it to finish starting up. After taking a beer from the fridge, deciding that it was in fact a good idea to drink, even if not to get drunk, he finally took his phone out ready to order himself a pizza. 

Looking down at the phone he saw a new message and swiped the phone unlocked. He willed his heart to still when he saw that the message was from Castiel. Not sure he wanted to even see what it said he pulled up the phone number for the pizza place and called in his order. Now he at least had 30 minutes before his pizza got here to decide on reading it or not. Sitting on his couch he sat the phone down on the coffee table before him, letting every emotion he had ever felt, and some new, flow through him. Trying to figure out what to do.

“What could you possibly have to say, Cas? After all this time of...after last night...” 

He drank his beer letting his voice trail off in the silence of his house. Before he knew it there was a knock at the door. Grabbing his wallet he stood and answered the door. A sweet looking girl with pink hair he hadn't seen before smiled awkwardly up at him. 

“That is $11.58,” She looked down at her order slip on the pizza warmer. “Mr. Winchester.” She looked back up as he handed her a ten and a five. 

“I don't need any change. Thank you.” He took the pizza from the girl and made sure that she was back to her car before closing the door. 

Setting it down on the coffee table next to his phone he continued to stare at the phone as he opened the box and began thoughtfully munching on a piece. He was done with three pieces before he finally went into the bathroom, washed his hands, then came back out and picked up his phone. He swiped the screen and opened his messages. Selecting Cas' name he closed his eyes and took a breath. 

He was cautious when he slowly opened them and looked back down to the screen. 

_Saturday 7:16am Cas: Dean, I know you probably don't want to hear from me, I just wanted to apologize for last nights behavior. You did not deserve that kind of treatment, nor did your companion. Please forgive me._

He stared at the message for a long time. Cas took the time to type out complete words. He actually texted this message the way that he would speak. That could only mean that it was thought out. Not just an after thought hastily typed out “sry” that he could have received. 

The screen on the phone turned black. 

He wondered if it was still too early to go to bed. He didn't want to think about this anymore. He sure wasn't going to respond. At least not yet. He wasn't sure exactly how he was feeling right now. 

Numb. That was how he was feeling. 

After the initial heart break, the rejection of all his attempts to woo Cas back, the angry not-make-up sex that happened (which if he was honest was some of the hottest sex that he and Cas had ever had, but he wasn't being honest here), the feeling of the possibility of moving on, then last night. 

It was like a dam of emotions had broke inside him. He was too drunk to try to hold them in. Especially after the way that Cas had responded with jealousy. He didn't want to think about what that meant for the way that Cas felt about him.

Now he was just numb.

He looked down at his phone. He also didn't want to think too much about what this text meant. Was it Cas' way of telling him that he stepped out of line? That if Dean was ready to move on then he wouldn't be a bother? Or was he asking forgiveness so that they could talk again? 

He let his head fall into his hand, elbows propped on his knees. “Fuck, Cas. Just tell me what you want.” 

He could feel his head ache beginning to return. It was not too early to call it a night. He put the rest of the pizza away and went to the bathroom. After taking a few Advil PM to make sure the head ache didn't come back and to help him get back to sleep faster he brushed his teeth and crawled under the sheets. 

He turned to face Cas' side of the bed. No, the other side of the bed. It no longer belonged to Cas. He grabbed the pillow and shoved his face in taking a deep breath through his nose. His bed nor his pillows held Cas' smell anymore. It made his chest ache slightly. 

It wasn't as bad as the ache it caused when his bed smelled like nothing but the man. 

He finally fell asleep. In order to get to sleep he was reciting song lyrics in his head. Eventually drifting off, probably thanks to the medicine. Maybe tonight he wouldn't see shining blue eyes and a bright smile in his dreams.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another short chapter. I had to split this and chapter eleven up to avoid having one massive chapter. They will also both be from Cas' PoV only.   
> We are getting closer to the end though!

He hadn't heard from Dean since that night at the club. He hadn't received a message back to inform him that Dean had accepted his apology or that Dean wanted him to fuck off. In fact, he hadn't even _seen_ Dean leave his house all weekend. Not that he was watching like a stalker or anything. He just found himself drawn to the windows and possibly his porch so he could look around the neighborhood. Not only at Dean's house. 

“Castiel, are you even paying any attention to what I am saying??” The tone of his best friends voice brought him back from his thoughts. 

“No, Charlie. I'm not. I was...thinking.” He looked up at her when he heard her deep sigh. 

“Listen, I know someone, I would like you to see.” 

“I'm not hooking up with anyone anymore, Charlie. I told you that. I'm done. Especially after...” he bit the side of his cheek, letting his words trail off. He didn't want to think about it. 

“Cas. It's not a hook up. It is an old friend of mine.” He gave an unconvincing laugh

“By friend you mean college fuck buddy?” Her smirk was all he needed to know he was right.

“Just, listen Cas she moved out there a while back. I think she can help. Just go see her.” 

“No offense Charlie, but if I can't get the help I need from you, what makes you think your friend can help me?” He tried to ignore the look of hurt on her face. 

She sat up taller, “Castiel, you will go see her.” She picked up her phone and as she was doing, whatever she was doing, she spoke. 

“She is a professional. A psychologist.” Her phone chimed and she read it. 

“And she said that she is available to see you on Tuesday at 11. She is even going to give you a friend discount. Do not argue with me on this one. I will drive there and drag you myself if you don't promise me that you will go.” 

“I don't need to see anyone.” He set his face in a stubborn look and tried to beat her at the staring game. He gave it his all, even if he never won before. 

“You may have been able to be cleared by all those wack job shrinks who saw you on Dick's dime, but you can't fool me, and you won't be able to fool her. You. Are. Going.” She had such steel in her glare that Cas couldn't help but sigh and give in. 

“Fine. I will go.” She continued to stare at him. 

“I promise.” He was rewarded with a fantastic smile. 

“You promise to give it a _real_ shot, too?” She wasn't going to back down. He sighed. 

“I promise to give it a real shot, Charlie.”

He just hoped that he could get through the hour meeting that was sure to end in nothing but annoyance on both ends. After making more promises to text when he arrived there and call after leaving, and to another Skype meeting Tuesday night, they finally called it a night. He barely resisted the urge to go look over to Dean's one more time before going to bed. He knew that Dean had work in the morning and briefly contemplated getting up early enough just to watch him walk to his car and drive off. 

“That would probably be considered stalker behavior.” He grumbled before falling into bed knowing that he had a long night of restless sleep ahead of him.

 

When Tuesday finally rolled around he had been slightly proud of himself that he hadn't got up and watched Dean out his window both mornings, even if the night before he may have waited to catch a glimpse of the man as he got home and walked into his home. 

“My new therapist is probably going to tell me I'm a stalker if I tell her that.” He whispered quietly to himself as he waited to be called to her office. He looked up and around to make sure that the receptionist didn't hear him, realizing it would probably be a bad thing to be talking to yourself.

He wheeled into a brightly lit and brightly colored office with high windows that allowed for sunlight to pour in. There was what looked like black out curtains hanging ready to be pulled closed if needed. He wasn't expecting this, it was nothing like the sterile and clean environments that he had been to after the accident. It was so clinical then. He said what he needed to. Was cleared. That was that. 

This though, this was different. 

A cute woman sat in a high back chair in front of him with brown hair so light it bordered on dark blonde, a very sharp nose, and kind, knowing, green eyes. There was a brief pang of pain at the eyes, but the longer that he looked into them the more differences he noticed. They weren't as bright. Not as green. Didn't have the beautiful golden flakes he swore were custom to Dean and only Dean. 

“Castiel Novak. It is a pleasure to meet you.” 

“Dr. Rosen.” 

She smiled big, “Please, just call me Becky. No need for formalities like that.” 

He simply nodded at her. 

“So, tell me about yourself.” 

“What would you like to know?” 

“Anything that you want to share, Castiel. If you want we could start with what you do for a living.” 

She encouraged him with her eyes and a small nod as she slid her feet out of her shoes and tucked them under her and held her pen at the ready over her blank note pad.

“I am a game developer. It allows me to work from home.” When it was clear that was all he was going to give her she smiled. 

“Tell me Castiel, how did you decide on that line of work?”

The rest of the hour went much like that. She would ask endless open ended questions to get him to open up and tell her about himself. Even though she knew that he was in a chair because of an accident that occurred she said that since it was only their first appointment they could save that for another time. He was grateful. He didn't want to go into that with a complete stranger again. Even one that seemed to be so calm, open and accepting. 

He was barely out of the office when his phone rang. 

“Hello, Charlie.” 

“Did you go?” Her voice was suspicious. He laughed at her. 

“Yes I went. I have to say though, she doesn't seem much like your type.” His voice was a bit playful as he taunted her. 

“Don't let that sweet face and kind attitude fool you, man. That woman is an absolute _**freak**_ in bed.” She laughed. 

He recounted how the appointment went, not afraid to divulge into it with her since she already knew everything that was going to be said to Becky anyway. After she seemed sufficiently happy with how things went and secured yet another promise that he would go again next week they hung up. 

On his way back home he gave some thought to possibly going to the cafe that Dean and Sam usually go to on their break. He shook his head. He better not. It was one thing to look out your own living room window, it was another entirely to “accidentally” bump into someone in their favorite coffee break cafe. 

The next weeks went by slow. Some days he would return home from talking with Becky and feel good about life. Others he would just need to curl up on his bed and stay there the rest of the day.

He had promised Charlie that he would give this a real chance. It was nothing like before with Richard's doctors. This time, even though Becky was gentle, kind, and understanding, he would occasionally come home feeling like he had been flayed open and picked apart. It was nothing he hadn't willingly offered her though. 

If felt like the days that they talked about Dean were the worst. It took longer for him to open up the still fresh wounds and talk about it. He did though. He did it for Dean. 

_“So this relationship with Dean developed rather quickly. How do you feel about that?” She had asked._

_“It did. I am okay with that. It was perfect. He was, is, perfect. We were just drawn to one another right from the start.” He knew how he sounded and he didn't care._

It only went from there. Until he was offended at her accusations. 

_“So, he came over and you two had sex, it sounds like it wasn't exactly consensual, Castiel. Did you at at anytime feel like it was rape or fear that he would hurt you?” She hadn't pulled any punches with that and her tone was careful._

_He may have over reacted to the suggestion. “Excuse me? Dean would never hurt me. EVER. Understand that right now. It never once felt like rape to me. I wanted it just as badly as he did. I needed it even. I had been wanting it since the day I ended things. Had I wanted it to stop and told him such he would have ceased his actions immediately and even apologized to me.”_

_He knew the look he gave her was on incredulity, “Have you even been listening to anything I've said about him at all?”_

She hadn't deserved his anger that day. He couldn't help himself though. They had talked about love and how he felt about Dean, then later she accused Dean of rape. Something that Dean would never do. 

He continued to go see her week after week. She insisted that even on the days that he felt vulnerable and raw that he was indeed making progress. Most days he didn't see it. He told her of his desires to contact Dean. To make things better. 

_“Tell me why you believe that to be a good idea.” It was a prompt to get him to open up about his feelings again, he knew._

_“I miss him. I ache for him. I...” He couldn't say the words._

_“You love him?” Her voice was soft and encouraging. He could only nod as he tried to hold back his tears when he heard her next words._

_“As much progress as you have made, tell me why you believe that things would go differently than before if you go to him now, before you have figured out the reason of your actions and destructive behavior in relationships.”_

He knew that she was right. He just shook his head. Dean deserved better. Deserved to at least have a chance at a happy life. One that didn't include a broken man. He also knew that he understood the reason behind his destructive behavior in relationships, he just wasn't ready to talk about it.

He tried to avoid talking about his cycle of behavior. She wouldn't let him. 

_“These one night stands that you have after a break up. How do you feel about them?” She waited patiently._

_“I don't feel about them at all. That is the point. I can have physical pleasure and not have to bother with the distress of an emotional attachment.”_

_“You use the word distress to describe the way you can feel in a committed relationship. Why don't you tell me why.”_

_“Even though I am usually happy there is always a place inside that tells me that I will screw it all up. There is a voice telling me I am not good enough, not worthy enough, to have feelings reciprocated. It can be agonizing. It is easier to share my body than it is to share my emotions.”_

He never told her that the voice he would hear in his head always was that of one Richard Roman. That wouldn't come until much later. 

_“So are do you think you're ready to talk about Richard?” Cas sighed and looked down at his hands._

_“I suppose I am. I mean, there isn't much to it really. But there is so much more than it should have been.”_

_“Explain what you mean by that, Castiel.” He didn't really need prompting for this. He felt it, he was ready to feel the anger that he had been pushing down for years now._

_“It was not suppose to be more than just friends with benefits. Richard and I were friends all through college. Remained that way when he rose in ranks and finally became one of the biggest names in business.” He shook his head and thought about how their arrangement had went._

_“He and I discovered that we quite enjoyed each others company, sexually, while in college. It was quite enjoyable. Most people didn't think twice about two best friends rooming in an off campus apartment. It was only because we didn't think anyone needed to know about our arrangement and we didn't want others to find out about our explorations.” He looked away as he a corner of his mouth lifted into an involuntary smile._

_“Explorations?”_

_“Yeah, it was the last year of college when we had began exploring in the world of Domination and submission. We both enjoyed being the one in charge, he just happened to insist on it more. See Richard had this personality, this, air about him. He can command a room with just a proper entrance and a look. It is one of the reasons he became so successful so young.” He took a moment remembering how powerful his then best friend had seemed._

_“He was the type that could sell ice to an Eskimo, you know? Convince you the sky was pink even though you could see with your eyes it was blue. For the most part we kept our relationship a secret. There were a select few that knew. My family, a couple of his trusted friends. I am also pretty sure, now that I think about it, that he was probably seeing other people the entire time we were together. It went well. He was twenty-five and had made it as far as he could with Sandover industries. Eventually he created Richard Roman Enterprises and Sandover became a part of that. I was content to do my work from home, or occasionally at his office if he wanted my company there.”_

_“So, he would keep you at the office with him? Did that ever interrupt your work?”_

_“Rarely. There were occasions that he would feel the need to scene with me, right in his office, to help reduce his stress, but usually he said he just liked seeing me there. Some part of me knew it was just a control thing. Back then it made me shiver with excitement, now that I know exactly what a manipulative careless asshole he was it makes me nauseous.”_

_She nodded at him, a silent encouragement to continue._

_“Things were never really dull with him. Never quiet. There was always something that was going on, or some crisis that needed tended. Sometimes I felt like I was one of those things that he simply tended too. I knew something was missing. But I wasn't able to complain about my life so I ignored it. I also ignored how our D/s scenes became increasingly degrading towards me. He did it so subtly and slowly, I didn't notice it. I didn't mention it. The slight shift in the power play, how I had essentially become property and willingly at his mercy. It was so commonplace that I hadn't even noticed that the only time we did anything sexual at all, including kiss, was during our scene play. His dominance had also somehow began to bleed into our regular every day lives.”_

_“You obviously took notice then, tell me about when you finally noticed it.” She tilted her head at him in a comforting gesture of his own actions._

_“That wasn't until after the accident.” He looked down._


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the shift of two different conversations isn't your thing. It is only this chapter.  
> I wanted to go cut up the conversations a bit. They both happen in the same day.  
> The ones with Becky are the ones in _italics_

“We started talking about what happened with Richard today.” He was quiet when he was talking to Charlie from the bed. He was laying down, he didn't want her to see his face. 

“Oh Cas, why didn't you call me after?” He let his tears slid silently down his face into the pillow. 

“I didn't want to be a bother to you.” He knew that she would never have seen him that way. Truth was he was too raw and it was too painful. 

_“Why don't you tell me about the accident then, I think that maybe you're ready.” He just nodded._

“Did you talk about the accident?” she was quiet. He knew that she could sense his vulnerability. 

“Yeah.” They were silent for a long time. 

_“Richard was always taking me with him on extravagant trips. Mostly business trips. Occasionally we would take a vacation, just the two of us. It was rare, Richard rarely did anything that wasn't directly related to business advancement.”_

_He took a steadying breath, knowing he would need it. He looked up to her and she gave him a supportive smile._

_“Castiel, if this is too hard to talk about, we can always revisit the subject later.”_

_“No, I...I want to. Now. I think it is time.”_

_“Alright, take your time then.”_

“Cas, are you doing alright?” She was hesitant but he knew that she was just caring for him. He smiled. 

“You know, Charlie, for the first time in a long time, I think that I might be. Eventually. I think that I could maybe finally start to believe I will be alright.” 

_“Richard had closed some big deal, he decided to celebrate by whisking us away to some remote place in South America. We were pretty active people. Enjoyed a lot of physical activities. Rock climbing was one of them. So we went to this little place with great climbing.”_

“That is really good to hear, Cas.” Charlie had waited a long time to hear words like that from him.

_“We went out one morning and he was excited. He was the lead climber of course. Taking the lead, taking charge. As usual. He seemed like he was in a rush. Really wanted to get to the top. So we climbed. Apparently he had been careless. When climbing like this, safety is so important. Sometimes I wonder if he had other motivations.”_

“It is, Charlie.” He sat up and looked at the monitor for the first time in a good hour. 

“I'm just worried that now that I have talked about it, the nightmares will return.” salty tears slipped from his red rimmed eyes and continued making trails down his face.

_“He had made it to the top. He was so far ahead of me. He was rushing me. Telling me to hurry it up. That the view was beautiful. The line felt, off, and when I got closer to the top I found out why. The top safety anchor wasn't stable. He had it between what looked like a stable groove. Only it had disturbed the delicate rock formation there. His weight first, then mine. That was all it took. I suppose it could have happened to any one. But it wasn't anyone. It was me.”_

“Just call me. If they do. I am always here for you.” Charlie was the only one that would be completely honest with him, the only one that would stick around. 

“I will.” 

“I wish you would have told me sooner. I would have come there and stayed the night with you.” As much as he appreciated it, and he wouldn't mind Charlie holding him if he woke up from a free fall feeling, she wasn't the one he wanted holding him. 

_“What happened next Castiel?”_

_“I called to Richard. He wasn't in my line of sight, then I fell. I don't know why any of the other anchors didn't catch me and keep me from falling all the way. Someone said something about my weight and gravity. It was too much at such a distance in a free fall like that. Thankfully I didn't fall all the way. I landed on a plateau. It was still a distance. They told me it was close to two hundred feet. I hit a lot of rocks on the way down. Doctors said it was a miracle I survived.”_

“I know that this is a bad time to ask this...” He shook his head. 

“Don't Charlie.” He tried to be stern. Failed miserably. 

“I just think that, he would, you know...be there for you.” She gave him puppy dog eyes. 

“Becky said I should wait, until I feel like I will no longer be destructive.” His heart ached. 

“Cas, it has been months. It doesn't mean you have to jump into anything more than friendship immediately. Take it slow. He could help. He would be there for you.” 

_“I don't remember much after that. I hit my head, fractured my skull. Among other broken bones. I was out. For a couple weeks. When I came to, I had almost no memory of what happened. I was told everything. After I fell, apparently a large portion of the unstable boulder had broke off and came crashing down on me. Thankfully, they said, it only landed on my lower legs. I should be happy that it wasn't higher up. The fall didn't kill me but the rock definitely would have.” He turned away and tried to steady his emotions._

_“Take your time, Castiel. I know this is emotional for you. Remember you need to allow your emotions out. Don't keep holding them in.” She handed him a box of tissues. He pulled a few out and blew his runny nose._

“I don't know, Charlie. I don't know if I'm ready for that.” He heard her sigh. 

_“Apparently I lost my right leg immediately. It took a sharp edge and was severed through. Since it took so long to get emergency assistance there it was too late to even imagine trying to save it, not to mention the extensive bone damage. The left one was crushed and it too suffered a part of the ragged edges. They still thought that they would be able to save it. Put it in a cast. When it became evident that there was too much infection after a week they decided to amputate before it spread and I had to lose even more of my leg.”_

_When he continued crying, no sobbing, Becky asked “Castiel, do you want to stop for today?”_

_He let out a choked sob, “No, if I don't finish telling you this today, I won't finish telling you.”_

_She nodded and let him continue._

“Besides, Charlie. If he was interested in seeing me or even talking to me at all, we wouldn't actively avoid one another.” 

“Maybe he isn't avoiding you. Maybe you just think that.” He wished that was true.

_“It was hard to deal with at first. Especially since when I woke up I was alone. Apparently once I was stable enough to be transferred the long distance, Richard insisted that I be moved to the best hospital near his office. Of course he couldn't miss anymore work. I am sure it was a huge inconvenience to him that he had to take a few extra days. He managed to show up later that night after work. He explained everything to me. Told me that he was taking care of everything. That I would have the best of everything. I believe it was his guilt, if he actually was able to feel it.”_

_“Did he offer to get you prosthesis, or was the wheelchair your choice?”_

_“We discussed it. I wanted to make it though recovery and then whatever therapy, physical and otherwise, before we made a final decision though. He was really kind the first couple of months. The more I recovered though the more he distanced himself. The more he would disappear. I had decided that I did in fact want to get prosthesis. I didn't get a chance to though.”_

_“Why is that?”_

“Listen, why don't I come down tomorrow morning? Stay the week with you?”

“You don't have to do that Charlie. I don't want you to put yourself out for my benefit.” 

“I wouldn't even suggest it if I was so cold hearted to think that it would be an issue for me.” She smiled brightly at him.

“Yeah, only if you want to. I'll tell Gabe you get the spare room and if he wants to crash here he will have to make due with the couch. That should keep him out of our hair.” He offered a small smile.

_“It wasn't long after I was cleared for sexual activity that I noticed that Richard wouldn't even touch me unless it was absolutely necessary. Even then, he had a temporary live in nurse there to help me with everything I needed. He showed no affection. In a time where I really needed it. I think that is when I finally really noticed that he stopped being affectionate or even remotely sexual with me unless we were in a scene. I mean before. So I decided to test that theory. It took me a few weeks just to get the courage to ask him about it.”_

_“What was it you asked him?”_

_“I asked him if we could maybe do a scene. That I had thought that I was recovered enough and ready. The doctor had cleared me for sex and I would really like to try.”_

_“How did he react to that.”_

_“His wasn't exactly a positive response. We fought about it. I eventually got him to agree to at least try it. Even if it was with small scenes.”_

_“How did those go?”_

_“They didn't.” She raised a questioning eyebrow at him asking him to continue._

_“Every single time I brought it up he would make excuses or we would fight. He didn't think I could. Didn't think that I was ready. Told me that he did not believe that I could handle it. Not just physically but emotionally and mentally.”_

_“How did that make you feel?”_

“Maybe we could go out to a movie or something while I'm there. Get your mind off of things.” 

“I would not be opposed to that, Charlie.” 

_“I felt like less of a man. Broken. Bruised. Unable to provide even the simplest of carnal pleasures to the one man I believed I loved, whom I believed loved me in return. It was almost two months of fighting about it before he finally told me.” He took a deep breath_

_“Told you what, Castiel?”_

_“Confirmed everything that I was thinking, feeling, but wouldn't talk to him about. He brought him home. To_ **our home** _, Becky. I think that is what really made his point. It was a power move, a way to break me completely.”_

_“Who did he bring home with him?” Castiel laughed bitterly._

_“Fucking Zachariah Garrison. One of the guys he personally hand picked to be on the board. I should've known.”_

_“Why was he there?”_

_“As some sort of fuck you to me? To make sure that he had a visual to help break me? Drive a point home? I don't know. The jack ass didn't say anything to me. Not once. The entire time he just stood there staring at me with a smug, victorious look on his face. Like he had won a competition that I was not even aware that we had been playing.”_

_“What did Richard have to say?”_

_“He told me that it was difficult for him to do this. After so many years of companionship._ **Companionship** _, that was the word he used. I couldn't believe it. He felt that it was time to part ways. Venture out and find our best selves without one another. I told him to stop giving me some bullshit that he would give some employee that he was firing.”_

_“What was his response to that?”_

_“He let his calm demeanor slip. Only a little. Richard Roman always had a cool head. He was known for it. The only time he let go was in a scene. He told me, in a calm way that wrapped ice around my heart that while I was fun to pass the time I was never enough for him, I especially wasn't enough now, that I was always a broken man, that is why he was the one always able to take control, now I was broken physically too and he could not be with me anymore. He had found someone else to satisfy his needs.”_

_“How did you feel when he told you that?”_

_“I had already been thinking it. I just finally felt something inside shift. Instead of simple thoughts actually I believed it. I was not enough. Not worthy. A broken man. He knew that he had broke me. Told me that he and Zachariah would be leaving town for business for a few days, that he would send movers to help me pack my things and move me where ever I needed to go. He made it clear that under no uncertain terms was I to be there when he came home.”_

_“You have held those feelings and beliefs since?”_

_He nodded letting silent tears falls. It was rage in its most raw form pouring out of him._

_“Have you seen him since?” He shook his head._

_“Have you been able to have any type of meaningful long term relationship since?” Another shake of the head._

_“What about, Dean?”_

“Maybe we could invite-” 

“Don't suggest it, Charlie.” 

“Why not?” He gave her an incredulous stare

“You know I thought he and I could at least be friends.” 

 

_“Dean, was clearly not long term.”_

_“He was meaningful though.” It was a statement. They had spent too much time talking about him for her to be posing a question to him._

_“He and I are over though.”_

_“I'm not saying that you couldn't continue to be. I am not suggesting you go and try to jump head first into something you may not be ready for yet. I just want you to really put some thought into the relationship that you had with him.”_

_“What good would that do?”_

_“Maybe it could help you see that you are not, in fact, unworthy. You are not broken. Did you ever feel that way with Dean?”_

_“Of course I did.” She smiled._

_“Let me rephrase that question. Did_ Dean _ever make you feel that way about yourself? Make you feel unwanted, unworthy, broken, not enough?”_

_“Never. He would never do that to me. I don't believe that he could do that to anyone. Dean is kind, caring, thoughtful, loving.”_

_She smiled sweetly at him. “Indeed. That is everything I have surmised about him from just hearing you talk about him. Also loyal, dedicated, genuine, and honorable. I could continue about him. But I want to talk about how someone like that could want you, Castiel. What traits do you posses that may have attracted him to you in the first place?”_

_“I....can't think of any. I still don't understand why he wanted me.”_

_“Maybe one day we can ask him. For now though, I think it is times up. I want you to think about your_ **positive** _traits, Castiel. Write them down. I think that you will be pleasantly surprised to find that you and Dean have a lot more in common than you think. I am pretty sure that Dean saw that in you.”_

_“I will do my best.”_

_“Great. We can discuss it next week.”_

“If you want to go to a movie with Dean, Charlie, I am not stopping you. By all means you are a grown woman who can make her own decisions. Do as you please.” 

She sighed heavily. “You know I can't do that.” 

“We will talk more about it tomorrow. I must go to bed. Good night, Charlie. I will see you tomorrow.” 

“Night, Cas.” 

He signed out and closed his lap top. Not bothering with night clothes he stripped down to his boxers and went to wash his face and brush his teeth. He would feel better in the morning. He stared at himself in the mirror after washing his face and tried to see what Dean would see. Tried to see the person _Dean_ would see. Or who he _saw_ anyway. 

What traits could he possibly have in common with Dean? He would have to sleep on it. Maybe he could think better tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters to go. Hang in there!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short one. Next one is the last one.

With Christmas behind him he was not exactly looking forward to spending New Year's Eve out with Benny. He might have to change his mind on that one. Stay in. He hadn't seen Cas often. He was sure Cas hadn't seen him. He missed him.

The pull to go to him was not getting any weaker. The ache in his chest only seemed to diminish by minuscule amounts, and usually came back full force any time he was reminded of Cas. Which, unless he was at work, was usually all the time. 

He dealt with it. The pain. He decided not to reach out to Cas. If Cas wanted something with him again he would wait until he was ready. Even if he just wanted to be friends. He knew it would be painful, but he would do it, he would do anything for Cas. Be anything he needed him to be. 

Anna had become an unlikely spot of support. After getting over his embarrassment from that night at the club they began talking. Became _friends_ rather than customer and server, or potential one night stand. It was nice to be able to text her and get support when he needed it. He knew that Sam was tired of hearing it. Even if he wouldn't admit to it. Benny, well, he didn't want to burden him. 

He found himself laying on his bed staring up the ceiling lost in thoughts. Trying not to be. Not succeeding. He heard a small knock at his door. His brows crinkled in confusion. He already had dinner so it wasn't any take out he had ordered. 

He sighed and got up from the bed and trotted to the door, not bothering to look to see who it was before he pulled it open. He was happily surprised when he found bright red hair and just as bright eyes staring up at him with a huge grin, 

“Charlie.” He leaned down and swept her into a bear hug, lifting her off the ground. “How the hell have you been?” 

“Hey, Dean. I've been alright, no complaints. What about you? It has been so long since I saw you!” 

“As well as I can be. You know, with...every thing.” Her eyes flashed a sadness and he knew that she understood.

“Well, we all have to do the best that we can with everything that we are given, right?” She smiled again but it wasn't as big. 

They grabbed beers from the fridge and sat on the couch facing each other as they caught up. 

“Yeah, Gilda? She is amazing man. I don't know how I ever lived my life without her.” 

He laughed, “Didn't you say the same thing about Dorothy?” 

“I can't live without any of them, Dean. Although I do think that Gilda is something special.”

“Good for you.” He took a long drink of his beer. 

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Come on Dean. No one? It has been months.” She gave what she probably thought was a hopeful smile but he figured she just wanted to know.

“Come on, Charlie. I'm not the type. I don't know when I'll be ready to put myself out there again.” 

“Yeah. I guess.” 

They sat in silence for a little while. He finally got the nerve to ask what they both knew he wanted to ask the whole time. 

“How...how is he?” He had to find out. He hadn't seen any more one night stands. It didn't mean he wasn't having them. But it selfishly made him feel better that he didn't have to bare witness to the aftermath of them anymore.

“He's coping. Seeing a therapist. Finally.” 

“Oh?” That was all it took. Without giving him any real details she told him vaguely how it was going. He smiled. Happy that Cas was finally getting the help he deserved. He should never feel the way about himself that he did. 

He just wished that he was able to tell him, no, _show_ him. His chest ached so bad by the time they were done talking. All he wanted was to go to Cas. He knew that he was only next door. It would be so simple. He wasn't sure if Cas wanted that though. 

He hugged Charlie tight in his arms as she was about to leave. She smiled sweetly up to him, seemed to hesitate for a moment, then determination crossed her face.

“You know, he still loves you. Even when he is being a stubborn ass. He is afraid to reach out. Afraid you won't want him.” She kissed him on the cheek and left before he had any more words for her. He watched her walk into Cas' house and the pull only grew stronger. 

It was later than he thought so he got ready and crawled into bed. Thinking over everything that he and Charlie had talked about. Especially what she had told him about traits, more specifically, Cas' traits. 

He would definitely have to let him know exactly what he thought of him. 

For the first time in a long time he feel asleep without a heavy heart.

 

He woke up the next morning happier than he had been in a long time. He may have even smiled a little. Maybe. He knew that Charlie was going to be leaving tonight to go home. He would wait until she was gone before putting his plan into action.

After all he had her to thank for this idea. He didn't want to get her in Cas' bad graces if he could help it. 

When Benny saw him grinning down at a piece of paper on his desk frantically writing he was completely unaware. 

“Been a while since I've seen one of those, brother.” Dean looked up at his friend in confusion which only caused him to laugh. 

“I'm talking about any type of smile on your face. What has you in such good spirits?” Dean just grinned. 

“I've got a plan, Benny.” Benny just smiled and laughed. 

“I am pretty sure that it will work too.” 

“So tell me about it. Wait, can you tell me over lunch? I was just headed out, wanted to see if you would join me.” 

“Lunch, yes! I am starving. Didn't realize it. Let's go.” He picked up the paper and pen and slipped them in his pocket. 

He told Benny his idea while they ate. It wasn't much, but it was more than he had before.

“Well, can't say it isn't worth the shot. I really hope that it works out for you, brother.” Dean smiled again. 

That night was Friday. He knew that Charlie was leaving to go back to her Gilda. That left Dean with four days. Well a little over three really. 

He sent the first few that night when he figured Cas was sleeping and would get them in the morning. 

It was outrageous the way that his heart was beating every time he pressed the send button. He and Cas hadn't talked. He hadn't heard from Cas since the apology text. Now he was doing this. Was it foolish? How would Cas respond? 

It didn't matter. He made sure to let Cas know he didn't expect any type of response. He only hoped that it made Cas smile. Maybe he would eventually respond. If not, he wasn't losing anything he wasn't already missing in his life. 

*

When he woke up he was hit with a tinge of sadness. He enjoyed having Charlie around. He knew she had a life, and a girlfriend, to get back to but he was feeling vulnerable and a bit selfish and wanted her to stay the weekend. 

Studying the waves of fabric in the curtain covering his window for a long time he once again let his thoughts wander to places that he didn't exactly want them to go. It seemed like even now almost every thought he had, his mind had a way to segue it to a thought about Dean. It was wonderful and irritating at the same time. He was surprised that he only had a couple nights where the night mares had returned. Charlie helped a lot with those. 

More often than not though, the more he went to therapy, his dreams seemed to consist of a star player. One tall, green eyed, funny, kind, caring, loving, man with a body that begged to be worshiped. Most of the time it was innocent. Just them _being_ like they use to. Other times, when he would wake up in his own sticky mess saturating his shorts, breathing hard and covered in sweat, those dreams would be passionate. Memories of Dean's hands, his mouth, his body filling in anywhere the dream would be lacking. 

His bodies reaction to the man next door had been overwhelmingly responsive to him since day one. It was the other dreams. The ones that were all gentle caresses and soft kisses as they cuddled and talked about everything and nothing. Those dreams were the ones that always had him feeling like someone had broke open his chest and poured salt into the gaping wound.

After getting up and dressed for the day he wandered out to the kitchen to make coffee and breakfast. Finally turning his phone on he set it on the table as he went to making his food. He was busy listening to his music while he cooked pancakes and eggs for breakfast so he didn't notice his phone vibrate.  
When he sat down to eat he saw the notification light blinking at him. Without a second thought he swiped to unlock the phone and thumbed over the messages icon only to have his heart beat pick up when he saw who the messages were from. 

What could he have to say? After this long? He selected Dean's name and stared down at his phone in disbelief. 

_Friday 9:57pm Dean: Don't be mad at Charlie. Please. Also, I do not expect you to respond if you do not want to._

_Friday 9:58pm Dean: Friendly. From the day you introduced yourself you were always very friendly making me feel like we had known one another for longer than we actually had._

_Friday 10:01pm Dean: Decisive. You have always seemed to be at ease making decisions, even ones that others may find hard to make._

_Friday 10:05pm Dean: Humorous. You keep a healthy sense of humor about every thing in life, making it easy to laugh with you._

_Saturday 8:41am Dean: Sarcastic. This can be grouped with humorous if you would like. Your sarcasm can be subtle, so subtle that if the person didn't know you, they would miss it._

His stomach dropped, his heart clenched, and he felt tears sting at his eyes. He wanted to be mad at Charlie. He really did. She obviously told him something about his therapy. He isn't sure how much. He would have to question her about her conversation with Dean later. 

He wanted to respond. He just wasn't sure how. Maybe it would be best not to. Not yet. He would talk to Becky about it first. He smiled to himself. It was just good to have some sort of communication open with Dean, even if it was one way. 

He went about the rest of his day, working occasionally, reading, just passing the time. Every once in a while his phone would chime and he would smile. Most of the time it was another message from Dean. He was still upset with Charlie, but he was enjoying this. 

_Saturday 10:13am Dean: Curious. If you want to know more, or understand more you have no qualms in asking all kinds of questions. Even if it takes forever to find answers, you will look until you find them._

_Saturday 12:23pm Dean: Determined. See above. :) You will find the answers you are looking for. You will always work for what you want. You don't let anyone or anything hold you back._

It went on this way until Tuesday morning. Cas had not felt so happy in a long time. 

_Saturday 1:40pm Dean: Outspoken. You are not afraid to say what is on your mind, no matter who you are speaking with._

_Saturday 5:10pm Dean: Eloquent. Even though you are outspoken you are never rude about it. You can find a way to speak what is on your mind without offending._

_Saturday 9:16pm Dean: Organized. You always have a place for everything and everything in it's place._

_Sunday 8:54am Dean: Logical. You have a tendency to think things through even in high emotion situations._

_Sunday 11:34am Dean: Focused. I see the way that you can focus on every thing that you do in your life._

_Sunday 1:54pm Dean: Charming. From day one._

_Sunday 3:02pm Dean: Brilliant. Your mind is an amazing place to discover._

_Sunday 4:41pm Dean: Captivating. I don't really think that I need to explain this one._

_Sunday 5:21pm Dean: Strong. Inside and out. Even if you don't see it yourself._

_Sunday 7:56pm Dean: Selfless. You have given so much of yourself to others. It is moving._

_Sunday 10:02pm Dean: Responsive._

_Monday 6:26am Dean: Romantic._

_Monday 10:54am Dean: Sensitive._

_Monday 1:56pm Dean: Extraordinary._

_Monday 4:21pm Dean: Sexy._

_Monday 7:52pm Dean: Playful._

_Tuesday 8:30 Dean: Passionate._

_Tuesday 10:49am Dean: Lovable._

_Tuesday 10:51am Dean: Didn't think those last ones needed explanations._

He sat in the office waiting room when he received the last text and felt a blush creep up. He was sure that Dean wasn't explaining because he was thinking the same thing. Now he was going to go into see Becky with a whole list of traits that he got right from Dean. It was helpful. He wanted to talk to Dean. Wanted to tell him how helpful the list was and how happy he had been this weekend getting his random texts. 

He was going to wait until he talked to Becky. Not that he couldn't do it anyway. He didn't need her permission to talk to Dean. He just wanted to talk to her first. Just to see what she had to say about it. He was still looking down at his phone, smiling, when he heard his name. He put it in his pocket and made his way into the office to talk to Becky.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end. I hope that you enjoy.

He hadn't heard back from Cas. He was only slightly disappointed about that. He knew that he was taking a chance. He just hoped that Cas didn't just delete his texts. If he even got them. He had a small panic that Cas may have blocked his number. It faded fast though because somehow he knew that, just as he would never do that to Cas, Cas would never do that to him. 

He sat at his desk wondering if he should order out or just go get lunch. It had been a hot minute since he had a chance to catch up with Anna. Maybe they could go for lunch this weekend. He had, reluctantly, introduced her to Benny. Surprisingly they hit it off pretty well. A few weeks in and Benny was still smitten about her. She had, surprisingly, informed Dean that they still hadn't even slept together. That was what surprised him the most. It was Benny after all.

He sat there and let his thoughts wander away from him. He found himself wondering how Cas' appointment was going. He missed talking to Cas. His companionship. His smile. They way his eyes sparkled and lit up when he was talking about something that he was passionate about. The way that he wouldn't back down if he was certain he was right about something. How he would try to gracefully accept defeat and acknowledge when he was wrong, even if he would be perturbed by it the rest of the day. 

It was well into his lunch hour, even though he was back at his desk working, when his phone chimed at him. Finishing up what he was working on he swiped at it and couldn't stop the huge grin that spread across his face when he saw it was from Cas. 

Nervous about the contents of the message he stared at it until the screen went black again and he decided to just get it over with, positive or not, it was Cas. It was a message from Cas and he couldn't ignore it. He opened the message. Then smiled. 

_12:42pm Cas: Thank you, Dean._

He wasn't sure if he should respond right away. He wanted to. He wanted to say so much. He settled for something simple. He hoped that Cas would take it to heart though.

_12:50pm Dean: You're welcome. Anytime, Cas. Anytime._

He sat his phone down and couldn't help the smile he had for the rest of the day. It was something small, sure, but it was _something_. Maybe that was exactly what they needed now. Something small. Let it grow. He could be happy with that. 

Over the next couple of days they exchanged a few texts here and there. Nothing too ground breaking. It had made Dean happy that they were at least communicating. 

Before he had realized it new years eve was the next night. He had told Benny he wasn't feeling up for going out. Benny was not happy but accepted it anyway, better that he and Anna have alone time. He understood that Dean wasn't big on going out to over crowded places and given the holiday, every place they went would be filled to capacity. 

The next night found him sitting on his couch with a beer and not watching some mindless movie that happened to be on before the big count down started. He wondered what Cas was up to. Before he could even think not to he hand his phone in hand and sent a message to his neighbor. 

_8:31pm Dean: Big plans for the night?_

He set his phone down so that he could pretend not to care if Cas actually got back to him with an answer. He knew it was not any of his business now anyway. Only smiling a little when his phone chimed a few minutes later. 

_8:36pm Cas: No. Not big on going out on NYE. Or at all lately._

Dean would deny it, until the day he died, how that text made him smile. He would also deny how happy it made him to think that if Cas wasn't going out, then it was a very good probability that Cas was no longer having one night stands. 

While he held his phone, not thinking about that, it chimed again. 

_8:41pm Cas: U?_

He smiled and typed out a quick response. 

_8:43pm Dean: Sitting at home. Not big on crowds. Or going out. :)_

_8:45pm Cas: Sam and Jess coming over?_

His smile grew bigger. He knew that Cas was asking him if he was going to be alone. So he would oblige. 

_8:46pm Dean: Nope. All by myself tonight. Gabe coming over?_

_8:48pm Cas: No. Gabe's going 2 a club._

He typed up his next message but was nervous about sending it. He wasn't sure if he should. Since they have only really been texting for a few days.

“Screw it.” He mumbled as he hit the send button and waited to see if he would even get a response.

_8:57pm Dean: Want to come watch the ball drop with me?_

He knew there was a good chance that Cas would tell him no. He hoped though that maybe Cas wouldn't. That he would come over and sit on his couch and they could make small talk, even if it was awkward. Just wanted to see him. 

_9:06pm Cas: Wut time?_

_9:06pm Dean: Any time you want._

Dean probably figured that sending the text back so quickly made him seem too eager. He didn't care. He just hoped that Cas would come over. He kept looking at his phone. Cas never text him back. 

It was almost 9:40 and he was starting to think that he messed up, again, by sending that message to quickly. Maybe he freaked Cas out. Maybe Cas wasn't ready. 

There was a knock on his door. He froze. What if it was Cas? Feeling very much like a teenage girl he ran to the bathroom to make sure that he looked alright and his hair wasn't messed up. He took a deep breath and focused. He walked slowly to the door begging his heart to stop pounding so fast. 

He opened the door and looked down into blue eyes that held just as much nervousness and fear as his own. His heart melted all over again. He stepped aside. 

“Come on in.” He waited until he was past the entrance and closed the door. 

“Want a beer? Or water, or something to drink?” He ran his hand across the back of his neck as he waited for Cas to answer.

“A beer would be alright.” 

“Go ahead in the living room, make yourself comfortable. I'll be right there.” He headed towards the kitchen to grab the drinks not waiting to see if Cas did as he told him to. 

He opened the fridge and grabbed two beers, pressing his forehead to the fridge when he closed the door. Taking deep steadying breaths before standing up and heading back into the living room. Only to stop dead when he found Cas on the couch. The same place he was all those months previous on the night of the BBQ. His heart pinched with emotion and he started back over to the couch. 

He handed Cas his beer and motioned to the couch with one eye brow raised in question. “You mind?” 

“Not at all, Dean. Please, sit. It is your place after all.” He smiled at Dean and fuck if that didn't do all kinds of things to him. 

Over the next hour and a half leading up to midnight they both discovered that it wasn't nearly as awkward as either of them thought it would be. Conversation came easily and not too long before midnight Dean had realized that they had somehow become incredibly close to one another on the couch. 

He looked over at the screen in front of them and noticed the count down had only a few minutes to midnight. He smiled over at Cas who he noticed was studying him. 

“So, um, want me to get another drink before the ball drops?” 

Cas shook his head “I'm good if you are. Don't want you to miss the ball drop.” 

Dean wondered if that was Cas' way of letting him know he didn't want him to move or if he was reading too much into it. Honestly he was giving the gorgeous blue eyed man a chance to have Dean get up and put some space between them. 

Instead they just stayed there and stared at one another as the count down began. Neither of them paying any attention to it. He wasn't sure what compelled him to say what he did next, but he couldn't hold it in any long. 

“I've missed you, Cas.” his words were nearly a whisper as he watched the blue eyes soften. 

Before he realized it, soft full lips were pressed against his and he almost missed the eruption of excitement as the ball dropped, his hands going up to gently cradle the face before him. He pressed his forehead to Cas' keeping his eyes closed when he pulled his lips away. 

“Happy new year, Cas.” He smiled and opened his eyes to find blue ones, pupils slightly enlarged, looking directly into his. 

“Happy new year, Dean.” Dean barely registered that he could feel his warm breath against his lips before Cas was kissing him again. 

Neither of them wanted to deepen the kiss, just enjoying the feel of their lips against one another. Dean couldn't stop himself when he pulled away though. 

Cas looked confused when he opened his eyes. 

“Cas. I don't want to go any further than this.” He saw the hurt in those beautiful eyes. “Not because I don't want to, Cas. I just...look, if we're going to do this, again, I think that maybe we should take things a bit slower.” 

Cas leaned back and tilted his head as he studied him. 

“That is,” Dean looked down at his hands playing with the hem of his shirt. “if you wanted to try, again.” He couldn't bring himself to look back up. He wasn't sure if he could survive a look of rejection. 

“Dean.” He still couldn't bring himself to look up. Not until he heard his name again. “Dean.” 

Meeting those eyes again his heart skipped a beat. 

“I would definitely like to try again.” Dean couldn't help but smile. 

“I agree that maybe we should take things slower than we did before. I also think that there is a lot that I should probably tell you about, well, everything.” 

He couldn't help himself, he leaned forward and met Cas' lips again. They cuddled closer together and spent the next half hour cuddling and stealing soft, sweet kisses from one another, losing their words as they told each other how much they missed one another. 

Cas went home before one and Dean found himself sleeping soundly for the first time in a while. 

*

The next month and a half Cas found himself doing something he hadn't done in a very long time. He opened up fully to Dean. It was hard. Dean understood and was completely patient and kind with him. 

They would go out on weekly dates and instead of ending their nights holding one another after passionate and mind blowing sex, they would hold one another and talk until the other went home. It was lonely sleeping alone but he knew it was for the best. 

He told Dean everything about Richard and the accident. In turn Dean told him all about Gordon and Lisa. On one bold night Dean even told him about his fling with Balthazar and that was where he learned to do that thing that Cas loved and had learned to do from Dean. Cas tried to ignore the sting of jealousy on that one.

It was Valentines and Dean had told Cas that he wanted to take him out for dinner. Cas protested a little but was thrilled that he had a date on Valentines for the first time in forever. It wasn't just any date though, it was _Dean_. He was also hoping that after weeks of dates and talking that maybe they could take things further than heated make out sessions that always ended with one of them going home and both of them bringing themselves to release on their own. 

Dean was a perfect gentleman. Picked Cas up, treated him to a nice restaurant, then instead of going to a movie they decided that they would rather go home and cuddle. 

Cas was nervous. He was going to try to wordlessly move things further, he didn't know why he was so nervous. It wasn't like they hadn't done this before. Some how though, it still felt like their first time. Dean looked almost as nervous as he was. He gave his boyfriend soft kisses at first. Letting his hands move along his back and sides gently until he felt the tension leave his body. 

Dean deepened the kisses each time, chasing Cas' mouth every time he pulled away even a little. It seemed like this was going to be easier than he thought. He straddled Dean on the couch and kissed him deeply pulling at the short hairs at the nap of his neck. Smiling against his lips when he heard him whimper. With the next kiss he pressed his hips down grinding his hard cock against Dean's. He felt triumphant when Dean moaned. 

He moved his kisses down to Dean's neck and nipped at him between kisses while continuing to roll his hips against Dean.

“Dean.” He knew he sounded breathless, he didn't care. 

“Yeah, baby.” Dean sounded just as breathless. 

“I need you. I don't know that I can wait any longer.” His heart almost stopped when Dean stiffened a little when he heard those words. He pulled back to look into Dean's green eyes. He needed to know that Dean wanted, needed, this just as badly. 

“Cas?” He swallowed nervously as Dean said his name. 

“Yeah?”

“I was wondering, I know we talked about it before, but if we do this tonight, I, umm...” He looked down. 

“Tell me what you want, Dean.” His voice was gentle. 

“I want to feel you inside me.” He didn't look up but Cas was able to see the blush creep up his cheeks. 

He reached down and grabbed his chin carefully lifting his face to his. He smiled and softly kissed his lips over and over again. 

“Dean, I have been wanting that for a long time.” His words caught between their kisses. Without any notice Dean wrapped Cas' legs around his waist and gripped his ass as he stood. Making their way to Dean's bedroom. He sucked a bruise into his neck near his shoulder and then smiled remembering how Dean had carried him like this that first night. 

As soon as Dean laid him down his hands moved to his shirt to take it off. He wasted no time helping Dean undress him as he kissed his way down his body. He grabbed at his hair as he moved lower, hearing Dean tell him how much he missed him, missed his body, touching him, kissing him, tasting him. Every word spoken only brought him higher. 

Before Dean was able to put his mouth where he was headed Cas stopped him.

“Dean, you are way too over dressed for this.” He was breathing so hard he could barely get the words out. Dean simply nodded and stood up then made quick work of his clothes, leaving a pile on the floor. 

He let out a deep moan and arched his back when he felt Dean envelope him deep inside his wet mouth. Cas lost himself in the sensation that threatened to send him over the edge. He was not going to let Dean get him off this way. Not when finally wanted to have him buried deep inside him. 

He pulled Dean away. “You need to stop. Come here.” 

Dean moved up and kissed and licked his lips. Cas reached down and grabbed his ass and squeezed it hard. He wasn't sure that he was going to be able to be gentle. It had been too long since he had been with Dean. 

“Dean, I don't know if our first time in this long is a good time for me to-” He was cut off by Dean's tongue in his mouth. 

“We don't have to be gentle, just make sure you prepare me really well.” His eyes were determined and pull of passion. Cas growled at him.

“Get your ass up here.” He gripped his ass cheek tightly and pulled him in the direction that he wanted, a small part of him was thrilled when Dean went willingly. 

He reached over to the night stand where he knew that Dean kept his stuff and pulled out the lube and a condom. Setting the condom aside he opened the lube, coated his fingers in it while pulling Dean closer. His eyes closed as he gasped feeling Dean's tongue teasing at the head of his cock. 

“ _Dean_.” It was a warning and his boyfriend apparently understood because he stopped and just placed kisses on his thighs. 

He slipped one finger slowly into Dean and heard his soft sigh and moan. He held his hand still until he felt him relax. He worked into him until he heard Dean.

“More, please.” Those words made his own cock twitch and he gently slid another finger next to the first and felt Dean adjust around him. 

Before he even had a chance to move Dean started fucking himself on the fingers. 

“Fuck baby, that is so hot.” He couldn't help but grab Dean's cock and let him fuck into his hand as well. This earned him a deep moan. 

Every once in a while he would slightly bend his fingers and drag them over Dean's prostate causing him to say his name like it was curse word. Finally he added a third finger and took control of the pace. Every time Dean tried to increase it he would hold him still and take control back making him whimper. 

“Cas, please. I'm ready. Let me...” 

“Let you what Dean?” He grinned and looked away from his hole that was greedily taking all three fingers deep to try to see his face. 

“I want to sit on your cock, right now. I need it. Please.” The soft and quiet please, like he was begging, was what did it. Broke Cas' resolve. 

He reached over and picked up the condom, removed his fingers as his lover whimpered at the loss, then quickly opened it and sheathed himself with it and lube. 

“I think I could get use to you begging, Dean. Come on. I'm ready.” 

Dean turned and crawled onto him, hovering above his cock. Cas held tight to his hips not letting him sink down. Dean looked confused when their eyes met. He just raised his eye brow as he gave him a heated look. 

“Please, Cas. Please. Let me have this. I need to feel you inside me.” Those words, that voice, the way he was looking down at him like he was desperate. _Fuck, he was begging!_ There was no way he could deny him. 

He grabbed his cock and lined it up with Dean's entrance and let him go when he started to lower himself. He couldn't hold back the noise that came from his throat when he was finally buried to the hilt inside of Dean.

Dean's head was down chin against his chest, biting his lip, his strong hands splayed on Cas' chest holding himself steady, allowing his body a moment to adjust to the intrusion. Cas could feel himself twitch inside his tight heat but knew how long it had been since Dean had let someone do this and was determined to be patient. 

It was a minute, running his hands over his chest, arms, legs, and back before Dean relaxed completely and still Cas held still as Dean moved, slowly at first. He leaned down a little and kissed him as he began to speed up his movements. 

“Fuck, Dean. You're so tight. I have no idea how long I will be able to-” His words were lost in a moan as Dean moved up and down hard. 

“Feel good, lover?” He bit his lip and gave Cas one hell of a look. 

Grabbing his hair and pulling him down for a rough, deep kiss was his response. Letting Dean fuck himself on his hard cock before he couldn't stand it anymore. He grabbed Dean's hips hard enough that he knew there would be bruises later and held him in place. Getting what traction he could he thrust his hips up into Dean hard.

A satisfied warmth flowed over him when Dean cried out over and over again as he continued to push up and deep into his boyfriend. Dean was so tight and hot he knew he wasn't going to last. He wanted to make this good for him. 

“Dean, touch yourself.” he growled. Dean shook his head. 

“Don't...think...I need...to.” His voice was broken with pleasure, head thrown back revealing the long column of his throat to him, sweat beading at his chest and slowly sliding down his torso. 

Fuck, Dean made one hell of a picture above him, riding his cock like that. 

He nearly came apart when he hit Dean's prostate and was rewarded with what most certainly sounded like a scream from Dean's kiss swollen lips. It wasn't until Dean, barely able to get the words out called his name.

“Lover, I'm gonna...gonna...fuck...CAS!” Dean came all over himself and Cas' chest, ass tightening around his cock. 

“Oh fuck! Dean!” He gripped his hips even tighter and slammed Dean down onto his cock several times as he rode out his own orgasm. 

Neither cared when Dean fell against his chest both of them hot and sweaty and now covered in sticky substance. They laid there holding onto one another like life lines in an ocean as their hearts began to slow and breathing returned to a more normal level. 

“That was...” Cas couldn't even finish his thought. He wasn't even sure he had words for what had just happened. 

“Fuck, Cas. That was...” He took a deep shuddering breath, “Fuck, I love you.” Dean stiffened on top of him. He could feel he was holding his breath. 

He couldn't help the smile that spread. He held Dean tighter and kissed the top of his head, whispering, “I love you, too.” 

He felt Dean relax and start breathing again. He knew that there was no way he was ever going to allow himself to screw this up again. He knew there was a still a long way to go and there was still so much more they had to talk about but he was ready for that.

He needed Dean like he needed air. He finally had him back and he was never letting go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing like ending with some smut and declarations of love, right?  
> It has been hard at times to get this written. For those of you who have stuck it out, thank you and I hope that you enjoy.  
> I am just happy that I finally finished. It has been a while since I have finished something I started.  
> Those of you who left comments, and those on tumblr who encouraged me, I give my sincere gratitude. Some days, without your encouragement I don't think I would have been able to write. 
> 
> If you want to find me on tumblr feel free to! [FormidablePassion](http://formidablepassion.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Destiel fic I have posted. Also keep in mind that it has been a long time since I have written much, so I hope that the quality of my writing is at least reasonably acceptable.  
> Hope that you enjoyed!


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